THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 146, 22 June 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Mention of Mount Egmont's value to Zealand aviators reminds one that said mount Las also a meteorological "value."' As thev say in the land of TARANAKI RAIN, milk (with or without honey) : '"When Mount E-rmont is hidden by the clouds you know that it is raining in New Plymouth; when Mount Egmont thrusts its sharp needle up clear against the sky—you know that it is going to rain." —Kea.

Those familiar with Police Court procedure know that the swearing of members of the police force (as witnesses) is followed by the orthodox "My name HORSE SENSE, is XY. lam a police constable stationed at Auckland.'' Tt is by no means an uncommon occurrence for the testifying arm of the law to jumble his lines into "I am a police station con stabled at .Auckland." However, one must raise one's headgear to the modern policeman, who Ikis mentally and physically caused the old-time "cop"' to become a mere memory and hackneyed subject for ancient jibes in comic papers. I can dimly recall one of the last of the "old brigade" of men in blue. He had been appointed to a one-man station and remained there for, I think, forty years. There was little crime in his district, as both inhabitants were well behaved. However, the great chance arrived at last. A draught-horse, complete with a dray load of metai, fell over the end of the wharf, but our sleuth, arriving quickly on the scene, had the presence of iniiicl to throw the animal a lifebelt! Unfortunately the poor horse was never sighted again—-in fact the police were even unable to iind anv traces.—B.C.H.

"Touchstone" writes: From a correspondent ("M..T.8.") conies the following note: "I have been struck by the frequent use in the talkies of phrases "LET US NOT." like 'Let us not go,' 'Let "as not quarrel,' and so on. Is this in accordance with grammar?" It is not un grammatical, but it is ugly, like many other fashions in speech adopted by Americans. "Let us"' has a positive ring about it, suggesting action, for let means permit or suffer. English people usually put the negative first, as in "Don't let us quarrel." However, it is a matter for the individual. Ruth said to Naomi, "Entreat me not to leave thee," but that word order is rarely heard to-day except in old-fashioned phrases like "forget me not." Much more expressive of the English use of "let" are two beautiful passages, also from the story of TTuth. "And when she was risen up to glean. Boaz commanded his young men, saying. Let her glean, even among the sheaves, aiwl reproach her not." "And let fall also some of the handfuls on purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, aud rebuke her not." Here the modern positive (let her glean) and the archaic negative (rebuke her not) plainly indicate how the fashion has changed since the Authorised Version of the Bible was first published.

What a tremendous number of arguments we have nowadays on pronunciation, grammar, and so forth. Of course the radio is responsible. In the pre-radio SPEECH- days the opportunities for criticising the spoken tongue were not many. As a general rule your scope was limited to the members of your household, your work mates and your friends. You knew the faults of most of them and grew accustomed to them. In all the homely walks of life a restricted vocabulary narrowed even further the ground for criticism. Then the radio came, and voices from unseen -people began to give pronunciations that, to many, were .strange. Lots of us tumbled to the fact that we had been going along for years with hosts of petty mispronunciations. Since then the educative force of radio has been at work levelling things up (or down, according to the way you view these things). But education has a long way to go. If you don't believe me, try reading this aloud ftt the tea table to-night: "On a Sunday morning, a decadent and despicable coiffeur, who was a bit of a fanatic, was suffering from vertigo at a matutinal hour, and was annoyed at the surveillance and espionage of his valet, since he was in deshabille. He considered his conduct heinous and flagitious. His breakfast had consisted of his usual rations, & single scone. He went to the bathroom and turned oh the geyser. The water soughed through the pipe —a conduit of small calibre—causing a curious acoustic vagary. 'Pshaw!' he exclaimed, launching into demoniacal cachinnations. He inveigled his now flaccid valet inside and nonchalantly caught him with a boxer's clinch, talking gibberish as he did so. The dolorous pain in bis abdomen nedessitated blood tests in a laboratory, but instead he went for a trip in an aerial charabanc, after which he attended church and admired the reredos and the clerestory. He really imagined that his actions had been dictated by probity and acumen, but lie was nevertheless destined to land, despite his protests, in a municipal "lunatic asylum-" I am not offering a prize to the fellow who can do it without a break or a falter —in his case achievement will be its own. reward. —B.O'iN".

ON BEING DRUNK. Dear M.A-T., —Fifty-eight names for being drunk would no doubt cause many people to think furiously. Your recent par. anent same calls to mind the following: Some say he's shickered and some say he's blued. He's tang-led, he's sozzled, he's groggy, he's stewed. He's boozed, paralytic, blue-blind or jimjammed. He's chloroformed, flimmixed, he's juiced or he's Canned, Ding-donged, gone a million, irrigated, or primed. He's gargled, he's squiffy, he's blithered, he's blind. Some say he's well tanked or his hair's nicely curled. He's potty, he's snake-juiced, he's dead to the world. He's mm compos mentis, been out for a treat. He's bug-juiced, well stunned, or he's soused to the feet. He's drunk as a lord, he's screwed, he's dead • _ drunk. He's drunk as an owl, or he's elephant's trunk. Drunk as Chloe, he's putrid, he's gone to the pack. He's full as nn egg—or he's full as a sack. Hss tonicked. he's tiddley, he's full as a hog. He's been seeing a man about buying a dog. He s drunk as a fiddler, he's been on a bend. He s out on the burst, or he's been with a friend. Three sheets in the wind, over-ripe, or he's stuns. He\s overmoist. syruped, or full to the bung. Hes outed, well inked, inkypoo, doped, or tigrnt. Under the influence, he's soaked, or he's merry and bright. Some say he's well oiled, he's swilled up, on the loose. He's full as a tick, or he's chock full of juice. He's anchored, he's flooded, he's wet he's ha If-seas. He's rocky, he's rolling, he's gone at the knees. He ' S afloat med " he S awash ' he ' s da mped, he's Got a fine list a-port. he's as full as a goat S he's "ori" * S poisoned - lle ' s jagged or He's dizzy, overjoyed, full, or he's "gone" +-° *??«♦, nec , k - he ' s as fu » as a blow, that I know? words for be ing drunk With the exception, maybe, of a few odd ones such as cuckoo, tinder the weather, pickled souped, hooped and stonkered. Then there is haurangi, but a departure from our own language might involve the League of Nations which would mean there would be literally no ena of names. Anyhow here are ninety-five count them! Can someone make it & centurv* —Soberly yo®rs, TJdcD.