RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 230, 28 September 1935, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By ZAMIEL.)

"Lion Bites Actor." Now if an actor had bitten a lion!

Headline: "Restoration of Cuts," Modern schoolmasters looking at small trousers say, "Never!''

One Government coal mine has been closed, but another is to be opened. A black outlook, thank heaven.

"Antiques on Show—Many Valuable Exhibits." Still the Legislative Council does not sit all the time.

British hoot factory hands decline to make footwear for Italian soldiers. This will hardly heel the breach.

Ten per cent of the proceeds of the Louis-Baer glove fight is to be spent in milk for American children. Milk-punch.

Joe Louis, a negro boxer, has knocked out a white man. I wonder if the Abyssinians have radio sets?

There is an increased demand for halfdraught horses. And even on the racecourse among thoroughbreds large draughts arc popular.

A "uniform penalty" is urged for the intoxicated motor car driver. May I suggest a chaste design in drab with choice broad-arrows as a niotif ?

A wise man said many years ago that those who govern make the least noise. There seems to be little government in Europe on this basis of computation.

Canada will not give relief pay or relief work to any person owning a car. Many New Zealand relief workers arc refraining from migrating to Canada.

We are to have a larger police station in Auckland. Enthusiastic alienists noto with professional interest tho increase in this branch of industry.

We have upwards of 20,000 seedling gums growing in and about Auckland. Excursions of Australians may bo arranged.

I was walking up Queen Street on Thursday. I saw a man struck by a piir. He entered the shop—and bought

The drought is so bad in North Otago that ininy old hands hope they may have u» drink their medical comforts neat.

A streamlined train is reported to have travelled at a speed of 100 miles per hour. The Railway Board is reticent.

A visiting musical expert complains that musically we imitate negroes in detriment to our own traditions. Curiously, he does not attribute this tonal Ethiopianism to our All Blacks.

A total of 382,000 trout fry are to be released in Rotorua water. The official who is seeing to this, of course, counts them two at a time, and not separately as formerly.

Xo, Horace, I do not advise you to go to Abyssinia as a war correspondent. One general's name is Dedjazmatch Hapteinikael, and he has a daughter named Woizero Asagadatch.

One of the latest books is "How to Spend Money." No doubt copies are already in the Parliamentary Library— but surely no Minister needs any advice on the subject.

It is inevitable, sooner or later, that the civilised world will return to the gold standard. lam having my trouser pockets reinforced, and shall dig out the old sovereign case.

Sir Henry Coward, the musician, says that the man who could invent a toetotal drink with a kick in it would make a fortune. Not a word has been hoard up to now from the aerated water executives.

An air service will shortly take passengers from New Zealand to London in nine days. Ministers of the Crown whose presence in London is so imperative will, one hopes, be permitted to travel Home free at least once a month ?

I note that the wages of agricultural workers are going up in England. I understand that it is now considered

almost impossible for a farm labourer to bring up a family of potential soldiers on less than 12/ for GO hours.

It is said that Mussolini is suffering from the delusion that he is Napoleon and will have to live on an island—when the war is over. There are soinu extremely notable physicians in Italy and if they took him to, say, two of them—!