DOMESTIC QUARREL

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 70, 23 March 1935, Page 3 (Supplement)

DOMESTIC QUARREL

WHY NOT WITH HUBBY?

AN ATTRACTIVE TEMPER,

(By CHRISTINE COMBER.)

Every small girl quarrels some time or another with her brothers. Outbursts of temper, irritability or spitefulness are punished, maybe, but they are quickly forgotten and forgiven by both mother and big brother.

And then she goes to school, and now and again she has a difference of opinion with even her best friend. And for a tragic hour or so they "aren't speaking." Then the clouds roll by, and they are again blissfully whispering secrets under cover of the desk.

And she has "tiffs" with her suitors, and moments when she does not think father the best parent in the- world, and quarrels galore with her adolescent sister who is just getting to the stage of borrowing her stockings and dance partners. And then she gets married. And from that moment she is supposed to be a new person. She is expected to be uniformly sweet-tempered, even though she may be suffering from a cold or corns, though hubby's mother uses up the entire afternoon impressing on her that John is not looking anything like as well as he used to, though she scalds her leg or burns the potatoes, or hubby brings a guest to dinner without warning her. In other words, the plain gold band is expected to transform her into something more than human.

Now even if this Avere possible it is doubtful if it would be for the improvement of the married state. Everybody hates a "nagger," but everybody is at some time or another guilty of cross words, hasty criticism, or a burst of temper. And very often the result is the strengthening rather than the reverse of the bond between husband and wife. A "scene" clears the air in some circumstances. There may be women who claim that they can remain calm and dignified under any provocation, but theij; very calmness may, for all they know, exasperate their husband as much as it did the young man who burst out: "For goodness' sake take that smug, superior look off your face!"

Who Is to Blame? A marriage entirely devoid of cross words may be an ideal state. But is it such a terrible thing, after all, if the young couple give vent to a difference of opinion in somewhat heated terms? Left to themselves they usually "make it up" again in an incredibly short time, unless one of them is that most exasperating of all creatures, a sulker. But if they have relatives or other witnesses to the "scene" it assumes altogether ridiculous proportions. The girl feels that John's mother blames her for the whole affair, or John wonders how he can be expected to kiss her and apologise when her maiden aunt is looking at him as if he were something out of the dark ages.

People seem to regard a marital dispute as if it spelled the beginnings of a divorce case. They talk about it in whispers: "You know, they don't get on very well, dear. Elsie has such a dreadful temper!" They do everything but relegate it to its rightful, very insignificant, position.

An irritable rejoinder or . a quick temper may sometimes mean nothing more than extreme sensitiveness or a bad liver. The children get on Elsie's nerves in the afternoon, so she. is not in a mood to answer hubby gently when he remarks that dinner is not ready. Or she has a sharp pang of jealousy when he mentions his admiration of little Miss Blank's efficiency in the office, and so, five minutes later, she snaps at him for dropping his tobacco ash on the carpet.

And sometimes it is ' nothing more than a safety valve for overwrought nerves. Various high-sounding reasons are given for the frequent neurotic condition of the "ofd maid." But may not one of them be that she has no safety valve for her pent-up emotions? That she has to keep her social dress on all the time without ever so much as a second's relaxation? No mere acquaintance would put up with the things some of us say now and again to hubby. But is it such a crime, after all, or does it not perhaps mean that wo have no fear of his taking permanent offence?

One young man once iinexpectedly snubbed a critical old lady who had remarked what a pity it was that Jean

had such a quick temper. Said the young husband: "That was one of the things ' about her that first attracted me." Strange taste, perhaps, but how comfortable to feel that our . weaknesses as well as our virtues can sometimes find a sympathetic audience.