RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 22, 26 January 1935, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By ZAMIEL.)

Naval disarmament is '"in the air." A hit, a palpable hit!

A poet recently died and left a poem to his creditors, "insulting people, poets.

Women often occupy a coign of vantage. The manager of the United States mint is a lady.

Marconi alleges that the next war will bo fought by radio. 1 sincerely trust the crooners will enlist lirst.

Headline, "Polish Opposition." Why? Personally 1 much prefer polish (even French polish) to varnish.

A Sydney scientist has been given a medal for linding comets. I do hope the loser won't object to this decoration.

Germany is still burning books. Up to no\V it hasn't found any method of burning ideas unless the man is burnt with them.

It is gratifying to note that ;J1 professors are not absent-minded. One of them has recently left an estate of £70,000.

Another Air-Marshal is to be made head of the London police. These Hying squads you read so much about—just 'plane sailing.

Women threaten to insist on a law giving them economic independence. This ought to give the men a half share in the wage envelope.

I understand that a gentleman named Pouvoulossovilch came to tho colonies to make a namo for himself. He's done it. Ho calls himself Smith now.

Two notorious American crooks lately "shot their way out of a jwlice trap." There must have been something wrong with tho cheese in that trap.

Those lady cricketers who are playing Test matches in Australia must lind the summer weather awfully trying. Lipstick absolutely runs in a temperature of 120.

I understand that it is quite common in India for men to lay wagers as to which will ultimately rule in that great lun pi re —the Gandhists or the British Raj. Some natives put their shirts on Gandhi. I learn that during his holiday a Chicago policeman captured three notorious crooks and brought them in. It has been suggested that policemen have too few holidays.

Mr. Lloyd George is likely to become a political leader again. I understand eminent firms are already sending him samples of their celebrated hair restorer —and barbers arc in despair.

A Scotch gentleman from the South intends to go Homo to claim a fortune of two million pounds. The churchwardens of his church intend to have the offertory plate enlarged during his absence.

There were complaints that the recent eclipse of the moon was interfered with by the clouds. 1 have noted the complaint and will bring it before local M.IVs who are so often in the clouds.

Many grave political problems face our leaders. It seems a pity they have never taken these problems to retired civil servants. From what I overhear these arc the only saviours of the country.

Quaint to hear that motor tyres can bo made of compressed flowers. Will tho Devonport gentleman with the aloe tree that (lowers once in a hundred years offer it for experiment? Ought to be dura blc.

Television threatens that a 'phone speaker will be able to see the person at the other end and with whom he converses. I am already attending daily classes at mv beauty specialist's to acquire a telephone face.

Heartbroken cry from India which declares that political influence "may yet drain her of what wealth she still possesses." The other day I read that 0110 Indian Rajah has a gem-trimmej waistcoat worth a quarter of a million pounds. He can't be an "untouchable."

It is to be an Imperial policy to distribute the surplus population of Great Britain in the Dominions. I wonder what our national slogan will be when our "Keep Out" is removed? Do we want a lot of British feet treading down our blackberry and ragwort? A couple of million interlopers would play havoc with our gorse.