IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, 2 September 1933, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

WHAT THEY NEEDED. Tourist (in lovely rural spot): 2s"o doubt you get many visitors here seeking peaco and beauty? Inhabitant: Well, no sir, I can't Bay as they look to bo a-seeking peace and beauty. Most o' the ones I meet is seeking tea and petrol. Husband: I am going to sack that confounded chauffeur. He nearly killed me again to-day. Wife: Oh, darling, give him another chance. Doris (only daughter of a famous footballer, who has been transferred many times): Mamina, can I have a bicycle? Mother: Xo, darling, we have no money. Doris: Then, let's eell daddy again.

"Daddy," said the little girl, "teacher told us that the olive branch was the emblem of peace. What is the emblem of war?" "Orange blossom," grunted her parent. Judge: You are accused of hitting the Chinaman on the head with a vase. What have you to say? Englishman: Well, he was speaking to mo in broken English, so I replied in broken China. Young Man: I -want half a dozen engagement rings, assorted sizes. Jeweller: One is usually enough at a, time, sir.

Young Man: I know, but I am going to the seaside for a couple of weeks.

Grandma (to granddaughter engaged t to bo married): You are very young, s dear. Do you feel you are fitted for married life ? Granddaughter: Oh, yes; perfectly. I j have 25 frocks and 17 costumes. Small child (entering 6liop): Please, t mother wants six fallcrs. The shopkeeper seemed puzzled. "Fallers, dearie';" lie asked. 3 Child (after much consideration): 00, no, mister. I think now mother said six tumblers. g j\ n old man who was given to talking to himself, on being questioned by a _ friend as to why he did it, gave the _ following cogent, if none too modest explanation:— "I like to talk to a sensible man, and ; I like to hear a sensible man talk'" j First hiker: How far can a man walk 5 into a wood? i Second Iliker: The whole way through, of course. First Hiker: No: only half way. : Second Hiker: Why?" First Hiker: The other half is walking i out of the wood. The costermonger smiled happily at I ■ the thought that his donkey was enjoying a free feed. "\ou re a good little girl to be so kind j to a dumb animal," he said, "but who i gave you those carrots?" j The little girl also smiled happily. i "I took them from the back of" your barrow!" ehe said. " i

i — i I jgijl Prize for Best Story I 1 £#§«ai\ F° r the beet anecdote sent in each week 1 1 a prize oi Five S k'li in g» is awarded. 1 0 The prize this week goes to S. J. I B James, care of Post Office, City, for: r= 1 " WHAT THEY NEEDED." | Siniiimiiinrmii ininiinmimimmmnnmmiimnmiiiiiitiniMinimnimiHiMN,,,,, HlllttinmiimillllllllllH mimmi. 5

I ECHO ANSWERS "WHY?" Child (at first concert): Mummie W hv is the- man shaking hia stick at th Mother: Hush; he's not, dear. Child: Then why is she 6creanun» mummie? °> HE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS. An Irishman applied for a job at i blacksmith's and was given a trial "See this piece of iron?" said the blacksmith, placing it on the anviL "Well, now take the hammer, and when I nod my head hit it as hard as v m can." ' u The Irishman did, and the blacksmith never spoke again.

OIL THE DIFFERENCE. A little girl came into the village drug stores and said she wanted a bottle of oil, but had forgotten which kind. "Is it the kind you put in sewino machines?" asked the clerk. "No, the kind you put in babies," she replied. So the clerk wrapped up a bottle of castor oil. THE OPTIMIST. In these days of commercial depreision it is very refreshing to hear of people looking at the bright side of things. A pertain tradesman had experienced a bad time and was "on the rocks." _ One morning the bailiffj walked in. The shopkeeper, however cheerfully faced the music. He called to his assistant: "John, put up the shutters," and he then affixed the following notice: "Closed for stocktaking."

UNSTABLE WORKINGS. He was an elder of his kirk in a email Scottish town, and had consulted a specialist about Ms health. Told that he hacTa floating kidney, he was much disturbed, for the complaint had all the terror of mystery. He went to the minister of his church with a request that the prayers of the congregation might be offered. "I don't know," said thn minister. "I'm afraid that at the 'luntion of a floating kidney the congregation might laugh." "I eee nothing to laugh at," replied the sufferer. "It was only last Sabbath that you prayed for loose livers." A FINE SIGHT. The sergeant-instructor was taking a, class of backward recruits in musketry drDl. '■ "Private Green," he said, with some wrath, "I told you to take a fine sight, and you at once did the opposite." "Did I, sergeant?" murmured Green, nervously. "Yee, you did," snapped the sergeant. "You ought to know by now what a fine sight is. What is a lino sight, anyway 1" The recruit looked thoughtful. "A very large ship full of sergeantinstructora sinking in the middle of the Atlantic," he returned. REAL KID.

"Let me see some of your black kid gloves," said a lady to the shop assistant. "These are not the latest style, are they?" she asked, when the gloves were produced. "Yes, madam," replied the young woman, "we have had them in stock only two days." "I didn't think they were," went on the lady, "because the fashion paper says black kids have tan stitches and vice-versa. I see the tan etitches, but not the , vice-versa." The assistant said that vice-versa was French for seven buttons, so she eold the lady three pairs. SOLVED THE PROBLEM.

, A bird fancier wae in the act of releasing some carrier pigeons when he I was accosted by a passer-by, who rej marked: Excuse me, but how far do r your pigeons fly as a rule? "Oh, thousands of miles sometimes," replied the fancier. ; "A/id don't any of them get lost?" ■ inquired the stranger. I "Well," answered the other, deciding I to end the conversation, "I used to lose > one now and then, but I've done away • with that now. I've had all my pigeons : crossaU with parrots, so that should ■ they lose themselves they can ask their ' wa v* home."