JOKES AND RIDDLES.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 263, 5 November 1932, Page 3 (Supplement)

JOKES AND RIDDLES.

ITEMS FROM READERS.

(Sent in by Jesslie Meikle.)

Q. What is the difference between an ant and an elephant? A. Their size. . Q. What -is. the difference between a holiday-maker and a barber?. . A. One waves to the sea and the other sees to the wave. Q. Why is a book like a tree? A. Because it has many leaves. > Q. What parts of London are found in New York? A. N and 0. Q. When is a ship like snow? - ' ■A- When it is adrift. ■ " iQ. Why is a clever architect like a popular actor? A. Because he draws good houses. Q. Why is a boy leaving school like a gun? A Because he goes off with a report. Teacher: WAs that you laughing, Ben? Ben: Yes, sir, but it wasn't my fault. I laughed up my sleeve, and there was a hole at the elbow. Lady: Have you lost yourself, little boy? Micky: No-no, lady; I've found a street I don't know. Boo! 800 l (Sent in by Lorrlna Hegglin.) Q. What is the difference between a sailor in gaol and a blind man? A, One cannot go to sea (see) and the other cannot see to go. Q. Why is a nobleman like a book? A. Because he has a title. Q. Why is a tattler unlike a mirror? A. Because she talks without reflecting, and the mirror reflects without talking. Q. What side of a pitcher is the handle ? A. The outside. Q. What wig can't a barber make ? ' A. An earwig. Q. What comes after cheese? A. A mouse. Q. Who are the lightest men in England? A. The men of Cork are light, the men of Ayr are lighter, and there are lightermen on the Thames. (Sent In by May Lalng.) An old gentleman, who had never travelled on a train before, was going to visit his son and was very much concerned about his baggage. Every time the porter came by he called out, "Porter, are you sure my trunk is all right?" At last the porter got so exasperated that he yelled out, "Hit's a pity you wasn't born a lielephant hinstead of a bass, then you would lialways 'ave yer trunk bunder yer nose." A gentleman, who was travelling in Africa, brought home a negro servant. On a frosty winter's morning the negro found a big sheet of ice on a tub of water. He had never seen ice, bo thought ■it was glass. He took it into his master and said, "Massa, look what a big piece of glass I found, but it is all wet," His master, for a joke, told him to put it in the oven to dry. The negro did bo, and in a few minutes rushed into his master and cried, "Massa, this am de funniest glass me nebber habbent seen. The more I dry it the wetter it gete." • (Sent in by Joan Bartlett.) Q. What is bought by the yard and worn by the foot? A. A carpet. Q. Why is a king like a book? A. Because he has pages. Q. What lions are found wild in public parks? A. Dandelions. *. Q. What crack is it you can never see:? A. The crack of a whip. Q. Why is a mouse like a hayrick? A. Because the cat'll (cattle) eat it. Q. What trees remind.you of pounds, shillings and pence? t A. Golden gorse, silver" birch, copper beech. Q. Why do you carry an umbrella? A. Because it cannot walk. . . l.i iilii,.«in[r.^U(Mww (Sent in by Leonard Quedley.) A milkman was bang charged in the Court for putting water in his milk. "What have you to say in your defence?" asked the magistrate. "Well, your Honor," answered the milkman, "the only explanation I can offer is that the cow was left out in the meadow all night, and it rained so hard she must/have got wet through." (■Sent in by Bert Franks.) Q. Why is a mad man like two? t A. He is like two because he is beside himself. \ Q. Can you tell me when a nail is like a very old man? A. When it is infirm. Q. Can, you tell me when a nail is a bad joke ? A. When it has no point to it. Q. What is it that has four legs and feathers? /j A. A bed. (Sent in by C. Chamberlain.) Constable o'Grady hurried tothe scene of the collision and produced his pocketbook. "Nah then!" he said, "which of yez cars hit the other first?" A man was crossing a street when a large dog knocked him down. He was getting tip when he was knocked down again, this time by a "baby" car. A policeman' rushed to his assistance and asked if bo was hurt. "The dog didn't fhurt me," replied the dazed pedestrian, "it was the tin-can tied to his tail that did the da-mage." (Sent In by Bernice Bryant.) One day an American strode up to a fruit stall in Glasgow, and, picking up the largest melon he could see, remarked to the man behind the counter: "Is this the best you can do in the way of apples in this country?" Sandy turned on him, shouting' "Put down that grape i" (Sent In by Norman Curtice.) Master: Now I have an impression in my head. Can any boy tell me what an impression is? Small Boy: Yes, sir. An impression is a dent in a soft spot. (Sent iu by Douglas Curtin.) . First Football Fan: I wonder they included hijn in the team. He's not much of a player. Second Ditto: Ah, but lie's a grand kicker. You can always rely on him to cripple at least three of the opposing team.