IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 78, 2 April 1927, Page 22

IN MERRIER MOOD

The prize this week is awarded to Arthur Anderson, 224, Weka Street, Frankton Juntcion: — PAT AND HIS TICKET. A son of Old Ireland was about to start on hir first trip. He had never been near a railway station in his life before, and had 110 idea of how to obtain n ticket. Pat. however, had no intention of displaying his ignorance. Instead, he decided to be guided by a lady passenger who was making for the ticket liox. "Maryhill, single!" said the lady, putting down her money. To Pat it was simple. He went boldly to the lmv ard handed over hi*.money. "Patrick Murphy, married, thank you/' he said. SERVED HIM RIGHT. It was a Flag Day in Aberdeen—the day on which Abcrdonians are said to stay in their house!—and a holiday maker was asked bv a pretty girl 10 bur a flag. "1 thought."' said the visitor, "you did not have Flag Days in AbrrcJeen." Quick came the retort: "Is that why you cair.e here-for your holidays?" The visitor quickly bought a flag and disapjieared. "TICKETS, PLEASE!" "Ticket, sir," said an inspector at a railway terminus to a pompous man who. having l>cen a season-ticket holder for some time, believed his face was so '■veil-known that there was no need for him to show his ticket. "My face is my ticket," replied the man. a little annoyed. "Indeed." said the inspector. "Well. my orders are to punch all tickets passing on to this platform." A MODERN EVE. A pretty girl, wearing the very latest in bathing suits, was sitting on the l>cne]i when a young man approached her and took off his hat. remarking that it was a fine day. "How dare you speak to me!" said the girl, indignantly. "I don't know you from Adam." "Well, returned the youn*j man. unconcernedly, "I would hardly know you from Eve." SARAH'S SERGEANT. Mrs. .mall was annoyed. Iler maid was always going out. "Sarah." she said, "I cannot have yon continually going out. Xext Sunday you must stay at home." "Oh. rua'am. J.ut I've promised my aunt to spend the afternoon with her." It was just then that little Jackie chipped in. "Do let her go. mum! " he said. "Her aunt has been made a scrgea--. and he's got a new coat with stripe* on! " WORRY BRINGS WRINKLES! The car was crowded and the conductor was irritable. "Where's the fare for the boy?" he snapped, as Mr. Cohen handed 'him a penny. "De boy is only three vears old " said Mr. Cohen, placidly. "Three years!" sneered the conductor--three years! Why, look at 'im. He's seven years old if he's a day." Mr. Cohen leaned over and gazed earnestly at the boy's face. Then he turned to the conductor. "Can I help it if he worries?" he asked. TOO MUCH LIKE HOME. The burglar had entered the house as quietly as possible, but his shoes were not padded and they made some noise. He had just reached the door of the bedroom when he heard a woman's voice. "If you don't take off your shoes when you come into this house, there'* »oin«» to be trouble. Here it's been raTnin" for three hours, and you dare tramp over my carpets with muddy shoos on Co downstairs and (ake them off." He went downstairs without a word but he didn't take his shoes off. Instead, he went into the night again, and the pal who was waiting for him saw a tear glisten in his eye. "I can't rob this house," he said. "It reminds me of home." VERY RESERVED. She came on to the crowded parade nnd looked in vain for a vacant deckchair. It seemed that the entire popuauon hud coir.c out to listen to the band. At last she caught a glimpse of one but. approaching, found that a voun~ man sitting on the next seat had nut his hat nnd paper on it. Perhaps' he was keeping it for someone. She looked at it significantly for some time, but he did not appear" to notice or offer to remove his belongings, and although she walked backwards and forward* past it several times nobodv and c-onie to claim it. At last she determined to make a bid j for it. Pausing before it, she inquired J of the young man, coldly: "Is this seat I icserved ?"' I "Oh. ratbrr!" he said, promptly. Trc I been here for an hour and it ha*n't j spoken a word."

PRIZE FOR BEST STORY. For the best anecdote sent in each week a prize of Five Shillings will be awarded. While in judging preference will be given to local stories, contributions need not be original, but in all case* the source from which taken should be stated. The Editor's decision auit be regarded as finaL All anecdotes intended for competition must be received at this office by the Monday pre . ceding publication. The envelopes containing contributions must be endorsed with the word* " Anecdote' in the top left-hand corner, and addressed Editor. "The Auckland Star." Auckland.

Mrs. A.: So your marriage was a. Mrs. B.: Yes, but I'm the preferred creditor. All my husband's propertv i> in my name. * Miss Chatters: Support a wife! Win , that poor fish couldn't maintain a con* versation. Friend: Well, that's all right, deat He wouldn't have to if he married ton. Entering a bank to cash a cheque, % man was asked the e<:. mm on quertioai "How will you liave it?' . Absent-mindedly he replied: "Cblj. please, without sugar." Doctor (to convalescent patient who objects to the size of the bill): But remember I have paid you a great number of visits. Patient: Yes. but didna I gie tie malady tae the whole neighbourhood. "You, say, then, that this material 21 the latest fashion." "The very latest, madam." ~Bnt will it fade in the sun!" "Why, it has been lying in the window for two years, and look how well it tu stood:" Mr. Littlerest: Doctor, what did yea tell me was your special treatment for sleeplessness? Medico: We strike at the cause or the origin of the trouble. "You don't say so! Well, you'll fnj the baby in the other room. Only ixm\ strike at him too hard." Inspector (to little girl in front row)i What is your name? Little Girl: lor.a. "Xo, your surname." "Please, sir, I would rather aoi tej you." "Come, come, yon needn't be afraid 4 me." "Are you sure you wont laugh?" "Quite. Of course I won't laugh. , "Please, sir, it's Ford." ,

Possibly. Breaking a mirror or a lair may men seven years , bad lack. Footnote. Noah Webster, author of the Diction* ary, or How One Word Led to Auotlei. She Did. "Docs your wife take to bridgci" "She takes to it more than she brings back." What Pa Saw. Father: I saw a man with two beadi on his shoulders last night. Daughter: In a museum, I suppose. Father: Xo, in this house and one wal yours. Who Pays the BilL "Miss Smythe—Mabel,' , declared «» ardent suitor, "I have long worshipped you from afar, and now 1 can contain myself no longer. How would you lik» to change your laundry mark!"' That Would Do It. "I hare always maintained," declared Charles, "that no two people on earti think alike." "You'll change your mind," said hii fiancee, "when you look over your wed* ding presents." Then and Now. In the old days, when a young BM kissed his lady "friond "Good-night" »t her door, they called it a "chaste saint*. but the modern flapper seems to thint she's entitled to at least twenty-oni guns! Going Deep. "Here"-? something queer." said tb» dentist, who had bot-n drilling and drilling into a tooth. "You said this tootn had never been filled, but I fin flakci of gold on tlie point of my drill"1 knew it."' moan.-d the patient; "vou've struck niv back cellar button.