THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 251, 22 October 1926, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN*

AFTER MANY DAYS.

George sank into an easy chair rr?V S v aCe as deathl - y PeleT' - Erert his rather sandy hair * He gasped—there came no'tale.

%S. th s?iß^ T ;:s B r bnnr »-«^.

We sent aUβ across the street, , A florin in his hand: -Administering the brandy neat (To George, you understand)

he gasped sat up and around

"I fame down Shortland Street to-rta-r The morn had just beguu ™* Jf Dchy tt any man who may 1 SAW A GLEAM OF SUX.™

OPEN SESAME. The news that Paderewski, the great pianist, has been prevented by his management from giving tips of £4 to portal who carry his portmanteaux, will be read with regret by that large body of unwilling helpers who gauge the importance of a person by th e size of hu tip. Most men who have travelled at sea have noticed the Xurmi-like qualities of the steward who has received x handsome pourboire. and the continued absence of the searfarer with the towel from the the person who is without gold. This admirable class of man has -the expressive word "bunce" to describe amalgamated tips. One has been ia parts of the globe where arrival at & hotel will cause an instant irruption of vociferous servants clamouring for tips before the victim has time to dump hi» handbag. Have you ever travelled out to Pompeii from Naples? Arriving covered with volcanic dust at the foot of Vesuvius the unhappy traveller is rendered helpless instantly. One swarthr son of the sunny south polishes your boots till your corns are red hot, another violently brushes the rear of your clothing and another the front. Already your best hat is being whirled from one lusty brigand to another. A band saws off the everlasting "Finicula," and flies and the servants eat you, and forty grubby hand* gesticulate violently demanding tips.

In our own happy country one ii equally unable to travel without lubricating the hand that soothes one'e hired pillow. If Paderewski pays £4 tips to the obsequious helpers when he comee to New Zealand he will be surprised at the exalted social standing of the people who carry his bags.

THE KING'S PTJAMAS. Foster Fraser, the journalist wha can write a book on Russia by looking at it out of a train wondow during a week or two's absence from London, and whose adventures in Wellington will be renumbered by all middle-aged ladies, jibes at the American desire to the King's pyjamas. Come to think of it, why not?" If the Queen or any other Royal "woman appeared either in Boston or Waipukurau it would be the duty of the prevailing newspaper man or woman to intimately describe her visible toilette. What possible objection is there to describing tie garb of a gentleman. True some gentlemen wear nightshirts, this garment appearing to have been almost universal until the Maharajah of Gwalipore introduced sleeping trousers. What's the matter with describing & man and his clothes. Take Foster Fraeer for instance. "Sir John Foeter Fraser, a large heavy man of the bon vivant type, with sparse grey hair, tired eyes, distinctly ruddy complexion, pendulous cheeks and an aggressive chin, appeared wearing a seventeen and a-half 9 collar, patent leather shoes (size 11). a . dinner jacket (in the new black shade), a white waist-coat, trousers (black), black tie. It is understood that Sir John was also wearing a pink silk singlet and black silk socks." Graceiul, discreet, descriptive, in perfect taste.

MRS. MURPHY. Four out of every ten "women, according to a London doctor (who, of course, never advertises), are being poisoned by nicotine from smoking cigaretes. A lady friend on shown that she was doomed, immediately promised to give up smoking cigarettes and to take to a pipe. Thoroughly converted she countered with a paragraph clipped from tbe Irish "Freeman" stating that there had just died in Donegal Murphy «• the age of 104. Asked as to what she attributed her great age, Mrs. Murph>, on her 103 rd birthday, said buttermilk and potatoes. Mrs. Murphy said she had never been a teetotaler since the age of five, but thought teetotalism was good for those who cared for it.

She had smoked Barrett's twist in a clay pipe for seventy-three years, likely it had done her harm.

The London doctor says cigarettesmoking women exhibit unmistakable symptoms of nervous debility, lack of vitality, head noises-, throat, troubles and palpitation of the heart. The lady friend who is going to smoke a pipe says ?he wishes she had been born a man so that she could smoke all the cigarettes she (that is he) liked, as it is obviously the medical opinion that what is sauce for the is not saves for the gander.

STARVATION CURE.

Herbert has been suffering from gastric trouble and lie poured out fl'» heart to the M.A.T. "I went to Dr. —. one of the be~t in Auckland. He has puc mc on starvation diet. In the morning for breakfast I am to eat four eggs *!& accompaniments, hut no vegetables. slops in fact. He says 1 must go tlie whole lime between breakfast and lunch without a bite. That'll tell you. _If I can't get four ejry- i" the morning I am to eat two eggs and a pound pi steak. You can gu«» that I'll ke€ ? for my lunch by the lime one o'cloes come? round. I'm restricted to one solitary pounj of fish with aeeompan.ments. but no vegetable and no slops. I asked him if i.cor. wliisky. stout, wines and lemonade wore slops and he loobel uncomfortable. I haven't got to taue afternoon tea. It i= one long Lent from lunch to dinner time. For dinner lam prohibited from taking anything tat » pound of eteak with the UMJaI trimmings, but no vegetable? or slops. Belie" ne, or believe mc not, 11.is meal is tie l* of the day. No: a sinple plateful of mashed potatoes or boiled carrots or pickled cabbage or mulligatawny soup from dinner time tn bed time. And I^ 8 got to starve myself like this until rm better."

As an amateur pathologist. M.A.T. W Herbert's pulse, looked at his tonp* and reversed the pyelid. "Have you ettf tried eating anything , ," 1 he asked.