SCOTS WHA HAE.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 199, 23 August 1926, Page 8

SCOTS WHA HAE.

SAVING THE BAWBEES.

CANNY LOCAL BODIES

|By ALPHA OF THE HERDSMAN.)

Down south in my home town, they are a canny Scotch folk. In my time, our city fathers, under the astute guidance of Duncan McFarlane (peace to his memory!) were fully seized of the importance* of rigid economy in the administration of" the quid siller of the borough. In these days motor cars were no f . so numerous in lnvereargill as they are now. So it came about that when the council wanted to pay one of its periodical visits of inspection to the municipal cemetery it generally involved the hire of Steve Dewe's venerable old four-wheeler. Ultimately, however, somo of the ever-vigilant ratepayers began to complain about, the "awfti' cost" of these jaunts to the city bonevard.

At the next meeting of the council the goodly representation of Scotsmen present, who could see no way our of the difficulty, nearly fell out of their chairs when a fcsasseuach, who had never been north of the Tweed in his life, uprose and spoke thusly: "There's a funeral going out to the cemetery tomorrow, and I see by the paper that one of the lodges is providing a drag to take members out. Those repairs on the railway boundary want inspecting, so if we go out in the drag, we can slip away while the funeral's on, have a good look over the work, and then catch the bus back to town.' .

Before anyone could get a word in, one of the only two sons of Erin on the council, jumped to his feet in horror at the sacrilegious proposal. Turning to the proposer of the scheme, he shouted: "Sliure, an' as long as Oi live, Oi'll nivir be buried in yer ould cimitery!"

In the early days there was a distinct flavour of mountain dew and heather about the worthy burgesses who guided the destinies of the young province. It often came out when the question of lenders for various public Works were under consideration. Means of communication were limited, and personal contact with tlw various tenderers difficult. Hence, many of them had to be taken on trust. But the possession of a good old Highland name was wortli its weight in gold to an applicant for local body contracts.

One of these contracts was duly advertised. There were quite a number jof tenders. As usual, few of tire tenderers were known personally to the members. But, unhesitatingly, the council plumped as one man for a tender which was signed "Duncan McNab." The McNabs were a power in the land in those days, and, as one shrewd old member put it: "Oeh aye, she's a McNab, whatsomever!"

Xext day, Andra McTavish, the town clerk, was called out of his private room by the office junior, who said there was a Chinaman at the public counter, and he could not understand what he was saying. A wizened Celestial, smiling hideously, presently disclosed himself to McTavish's gaze. That worthy pcromtorily demanded hj s business.

The reply nearly knocked Mac over. "Mc Dunclan McNab.' , said the Chink, grinning from ear to ear, "and mc, commee for contlact mc gcttee from council!"

Thereafter, a sadder and a wiser council inquired most diligently into the antecedents of its tenderers. *

Xew Zealand, which boasts of a biger ratio of poets per head of population than any country, writes the "Star's"' London correspondent, will doubtless be glad to hear how a member of the Poets" Fellowship approaches the problem of writing a poem. Dr. O. C. de C. Ellis, of Sheffield, who is by profession associated with mining research and explosives, at a Fellowship meeting developed the idea expressed by Poe that the right way was to begin with the last line. Poetry on a grand scale could never lie a paying proposition, he asserted: people should not bo misled into thinking otherwise, because newspapers filled in odd corners with lines that had a resemblance ti> poetry. Although people did not read poetry, they had a vague sort of respect lor it, and liked to see it lying about in their homes. All works of art should begin at the end, and if the last lino of the poem were written first, the next thing should he to produce tho last verse. arxi then decide how many more verses were necessary.