THE PASSSNG SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 199, 23 August 1926, Page 6

THE PASSSNG SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

THE THREE IRISHMEN. "The-cots are the most humorous the Irish the most witty and the EnX-h the most meek" said the Auckland* who had gained his impression of Z people last mentioned from Marl. Twain, <ii«um. The English are m ? n . tioned in the Bible—for "the meek shall inherit the earth.- Dull people nt tend Scots are will. ,ut humour because they grjmly refuse to laugh at a banality devoid of point. The Irish people hay» gained a reputation for humour, which the Irish people say is de-erved. U Auckland many years ago there «at on the Bench .Mr. Justice Unolly. BBefogef fogr g him was a case in which a man was charged with murderously assaulting another with an a-\e. doing "him grievous bodily harm. It fell to the lot of a police sergeant to question the accused who was Irish and deaf. The sergeant was Irish and not deaf, and the fud<r e \va= Irish. The a ecu fed cupped his ear in his hand and leaned with fierce a-pect towards the sergeant, but no answer came from him. The inffeniouj police officer obtained a sheet of brief paper, opened it ar.d made a long cornucopia, the small and open end of which he inserted in the ear of the accused. lie tried a simple question first. 'Thwat is your name?' . The accused evidently heard something. With a look of intense ferocity he turned on the sergeant and hissed••You're a linr!" A wintry smile illumined the eountename of the Bench.

MEMORIES OF TOWNS (2)— Adelaide.

At eleven o'clock in the morning it was 120 in the shade. Port Adelaide fizzled and new chums with peelin" countenances, filled with romantic ideas of a new and better land, wondered why all the men were not Tit hifr.li, with o-um and ths women beautiful as pearls. Baggage stealers busy. Many a portmanteau that disappeared that day has not reported yet. Train through the street and nobody killed. In were armed police troopers on white horses, riding two and two. Armed foot police were on every corner. Sinister groups of men in sulky conclave every* where. Innocent inquiries as to why elicited that the great maritime strike was on. King William Street was swept by a wind hotter than. Maorilanderi know. The shop doors were shut and eddies of sand blew like snowdrift! against and under them. Some people fainted in the street. Alfred, one remembers, had to be comforted with cordials.

The new chums were surprised that exuberant fruit lunches were available, with unlimited citrous drinks, for sixpence, and that grapes were a halfpenny per lb. Many laughed to see the train come down the street past Light Square, with the bell ringing. Hardly anybody was killed. A black gin sat in Light Square with her two piccaninnies, brighteyed, happy little people, brighter-eyed than usual with the excitement of the city. AMd to one of the little black people a new chum said, "Hello, Darkie!"

The gin turned her unbeautiful face to * the white man and screamed: '"You shut yer plurry jaw—you might be black yerself some day!' STUBBORN BRUTES. "Stubborn brutes, those miners! ,, said the suburbanite after cordially cursing the Road Board, because he had splashed himself with mud, crossing from the path to the bus. "Yes," said the other man, folding up his paper. "Stubborn is the word. I've seen a dozen go down in a mine with gas masks on to save a pal, and only three come back. Stubbora's right!" "Oh, that's very well, but think of the trouble they've caused in the Old Country—the dislocation of trade and— and—" "Dislocation's the word. I was in a coalmining district in the North of England once, and one day happened to go to a public bath. A mis-shapen man was hobbling along the bank, looking grimy and miserable. What I. noticed roost was that his back was a. serie» of callosities; in fact he had a back like a Jew lizard, and I asked Eomeone about it. . Like thousands of these stubborn brutes, he had been lying halfnaked most of his working life with his back up against a seam of coal, and picking upward. Try it for that tired feeling!"

"But that isn't the point! What do they mean bv —"

"And." continued the other dreamily, "I attended a post-mrrtem once. The corpse had been a eoldminer. The medical man (my word, how that rtap could play the organ!) disclosed the lung and was greatly interested. Hβ took a wax match from his waistcoat pocket and struck it along the lung. "Quartz particle?,' he said. Yes, the miners are stubborn brutes!" "I see," said the keen suburbanite, "Auckland B beat South Auckland on Saturday at Eden Park." TUSSATJD'S. Dominion politicians now in London wilL be eheen-d to know that immortality stnr<\, them in the face and that TususaiuT* waxworks will bloom again. Who has not ?hu Tdered deliriously in the Chamber of Iforrors. and fingered with frightened hand knives that have let out loved life? Who has not apologised to the "'ax policeman, and said about the Sleeping Beauty, "•Ain't she natural':" Apropos, once in the vicinity of the old markets in Auckland thcre'dwelt a waxwork. Inside the door was a beautiful liarure immobile as a Test cricketer. In tlie figure's crooked arm there were programmes and a ticket, ''Take One." One took one. The waxwork wjkc up: please."' she s.iid. THE HEROES. .* .Tack Demp'cy. the American heavyweight glove lighter. ha= consented to emerge from retirement to fight G. Tuniiev—(News item.)

Four rears he fiiilL'llt. umM-H-ii. strong and n.rmintP.l enmrndrs r..i.n.l n soldier's grave. Iluncr h" kn.w. Mini vw.tnds and tbirsi llis'"su I nVriii>.'s m:iny. l-ni lww smal! ti» llis a m'.,Tl «!„ n war h:i-l r .: ■ •! victory thank,. .I - simple The world's a-".-: K:i'-!i day and every St"'ns['mhv ;l rt m-ii <V.?cv.fS the coniinS llshT. Tilanir. tprrililf. tr.->M-nd. r.-. -'i!-" , - , Tli... H.T.I iv "ja!*Xhn fight is il.inr, iho ■■■■■'- campaign f» o'er. Tlip ramp.-iit-nx fiul-l: !. Thirty minntea T.-n'nL.ls ,11*,...! I oy-, .1 ftetol *» nil. w/.r is 11-li: " «■!.: tU« ta" te " Th r p OU 'lH.'rocs' iin:v.l is but Ton Tbousan* Pounds.