THE CAREFUL HOUSEWIFE.

Auckland Star, Volume LVI, Issue 192, 15 August 1925, Page 22

THE CAREFUL HOUSEWIFE.

A POET'S FIRE. Lady Troubridge, in a book of recollections, says the first time she dined with the Tennysons an incident occurred which would have embarrassed some children. "We went in evening dress, and the poet came in late, rubbing his hands together, for it was very cold, while we stood in a. semi-circle, in the reverential pause and hush with which we* always waited for the coming of the great man. He came to the fire, where I was standing, to warm his hands — then, suddenly struck by a thought, placed them on my bare neck instead, and warmed them there. Hallam (his son) was horrified at this breach of etiquette. "Father!' he said indignantly. Tennyson never apologised, and I was highly amused." HAGGIS ON THE MENU. It is a wise Scot who knows his haggis when he sees it. A short time ago the Kitchen Committee of the House of Commons sanctioned the serving of haggis to members one day a week as an experiment. One night Sir John Gilmour, M.P. for Glasgow (Pollock), sat down to dinner, and the waiter placed a plate with some odd-looking food upon it. In angry tones the member demanded, "What is this stuff?" "Haggis, sir," was the reproachful answer. The M.P. hid his diminished head. That painful incident brought the Kitchen Committee's experiment to an end. Haggis is now off the menu. G.B.S. AND HIS AUTOGRAPH. Bernard Shaw is among the celebrities of to-day who are "hopeless" from the autograph hunter's point of view, who know that it is useless to bring out their little books and ask for his signature. Here, however, is the story of how Lady Swaythling's children scored off him when they were young. Keen autograph hunters, the younc Montagus realised that to write to G.B.S. in the ordinary way was hopeless. So they composed a letter in which they stated that they wished to call their new guinea pig "Bernard Shaw," but they did not like to do so without his permission, for fear he might object. By the next post came a postcard bearing the words: "I object most strongly," and the signature of George Bernard Shaw.

Doctor to Patient: You'are certainly much better, and if you keep off alcohol for another month you'll be better still. Patient: Oh, I say—but really, Doctor, need I be as well as all that? Caller: Good morning. I called to see if the doctor couldn't give xne something for my tonsils. New Nurse: I'm sorry, sir, but the doctor never buys tonsils—< he removes them. "What are your political sympathies, Comrade?" "Oi'm, aginst the government, dom it." "But here there is no government. This is a complete anarchy." "Thin Oi'm aginst tht anarchy." Mrs. Hibbertson: What I have just said is a great secret. It was told to mc In the strictest confidence. I must caution you against repeating it. Mrs. Mowlby: I shall endeavour to be just as cautious as you are. "At the house party I mistook a celebrated millionaire for the butler and tipped him a dollar. Afterwards we had a good laugh over the affair." "A whimsical episode, to be sure." "Yes, but he never handed back the dollar." The two girls were strolling in a garden at twilight. "I wonder," said the first, "I wonder if Rollo really lovei mc." "Of course he does, dear," said the second. "Why should he make you an exception?" At a class in a girls' school the other day the teacher was asking questions about elementary zoology. "What is it that elephants have that no other animal has?" Immediately a bright damsel, aged seven, put up her Band and replied: "Baby elephants." The Sewing Circle was meeting at Mrs. Smythe's and one of the dear ladies saw little Ethyl Smythe sitting in a corner looking hopelessly woe-begone. "What's the matter, dearie?" she asked. "I'm missing the nicest movie this afternoon because I must stay home and help mother," replied the child. "You should be glad to help your dear mother," cooed the visitor. "And what can a little girl like you do?" "Oh, I just watch-nand then I count the salver after all the visitors are gone home."