MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 148, 23 June 1923, Page 18

MERRIER MOMENTS.

d itgSi^!h; m r--s-The financier shook his head contemn tuously. "Xo-to corner it." C ° ntem PThe young clergyman made his first parochial call He tried to admi re th , baby and asked how old it was. "Ju&t ten weeks" replied the p roud motner. c Then the young clergyman inquired In terestedly, "And is it your youngest!" At a reception a woman chatted for some time with a distinguished man ol leamiii":, and displayed such intelligence that one of the listeners complimented her. "Oh, really," she said with a emile "I've jusb been concealing my ignorance," The professor spoke gallantly. "Not at all, not at all, madam. Quit* the contrary, I assure you." Johnnie, who had been pravin" for months for a baby brother, finally became discouraged. "I don't believe God hae any more little boys to send,' he told his mother "and I'm going to stop it." Early one morning a few weeks later he was taken into his mother's room to see twin boys who had arrived in the night. Johnnie regarded them thoughtfully for some minutes. "Golly," he remarked finally. "It's a good thing I stopped praying -when I did." The mother-in-law of a villaser In France became ill and presently fell into a trance which deceived even her doctor. She was pronounced dead and duly prepared for burial. Following local custom the body was wrapped in a eheet to be borne to the burial place on the shoulders of four men chosen from the neighbourhood. The procession followed a narrow path leading across the fields to the cemetery. At a turning a thorn tree stood bo close that one of the thorns tore through the sheet and lacerated the woman'i flesh. The blood flowed from the wound and suddenly she woke to consciousness. Fourteen years elapsed before the good woman actually came to her death-bed. On this occasion the ceremonial was repeated. And now a3 the bearers of the body approached the turn of the path, the son-in-law called to them: "Look out for the thorn tree, friends."

URGENT. Doorkeeper of Picture Show: "So you want to see a boy inside, eh? Who is it?" Boy (confidentially): "Mc!" SHADES OF NIGHT. The janitor's little boy, very black, was nicknamed "Midnight" by his white friends. He dicin't mind their calling him that, but when one day one of his own race exclaimed, "Hello. Midnight!" he retorted indignantly: "You'se jeg , about quarter to twelve yo'self." BABY SPEAKS. "So this is the baby, eh?" said the bachelor. "Bless his little tootsie-woot-sies. Watch mc tickle-urn ribs." The gentleman proceeded to play ragtime on the unoffending infant's ribs, foolishly imagining the child was enjoying it. The up-to-date chiM stood it for some time, and then cried out: "Mother, will you inform mc whether the deplorable condition of thia person is due to permanent dementia or spasmodic and intermittent insanity?" HAUGHTY HOUSEKEEPERS. This curious "'Personal" appeared in the "Times" recently: — "Advertiser is a hardworked bachelor who has to earn his living. Recently he was changing houses and had occasion to get rid of 20 trusses of hay for which ho had no use. He had the teirvrity to suggest to the housekeeper tear': she or one of an adequate staff of iiervants might walk 15 yards to the local dairyman or f>o yards to the local butcher aiid do the deal, lie is informed haughtily that it is not part of the duty of a housekeeper to sell hay. Advertiser is intrigued and has purchased 20 fiveehilling postal orders, which will be sent to the first 20 housekeepers who have ever been similarly insulted and, having borne with the insult, have sold hay." OXE WAY TO WTN". In his heart the old gentleman did not object to the young man as a son-in-law, but he liked to raise objections first, and then reach an agreement a 9 though conferring a favour. When the young man called he was ready for him. "So," he interrupted fiercely, before the suitor had uttered half a dozen words, "you want m c to let you marry my daughter?" The young man replied coolly, "I didn't say so, did I?" The oilier gasped. "But you were going to say so!" "Who told you I was?" inquired the applicant, seeing his advantage. ■'But you want mc to let you marry her. don't you?' , "No." "Then what the deuce do you want?" "I want you to give your consent." replied the youth, pleasantly. "'I am going to marry her, anyhow, but we thought your consent wouldn't be a bad thing to have as a start. , ' It took the orher a minute to realise the situation. When he did he put out hi.- hand. "Shake hands, my boy." he said. "I've been looking for a son-in-law with pluck, and you'll do."