ANECDOTES AND STORIES.

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 148, 23 June 1923, Page 18

ANECDOTES AND STORIES.

FORD ANTHOLOGY. ' Sir. Silus new book adds one more to the flourishing anthology of Ford dtories:— It is said Mr. Ford has invented a new kind of speedometer When the car is travelling thirty miles an hour it showe a green light; at forty miles an hour it shows a red light; at sixty miles it plays "Nearer, my God to Tb.ee." THREE AND NINEPENHY WORTH. Mr. Silas K.- Hocking, minister and novelist, has many good stories to tell in "My Book of Memory" published recently. One is of a y Lancashire man who explained to a friend why he left the Methodiste and joined the Church of England. "It was all a question of money," he eaid, "Thou knows what the Methodists are like. They are always after your money. It's money, money all the time. How many pounds a year it cost mc while I were with them I don't know." And what now?" questioned his friend, " Oh, you get a cheap religion i' the Church. I've been attendn' a year now, and how much dost thou think it's cost mc?" "Haven't a notion." "Well, it's cost mc just three and ninepence." "Then thou'st been sucked in, lad." Sucked in? How dost thou make that out?" "Why, I mean thou hast paid for a lot more religion than thou'st got." A MOVING CONCERT. The concert was over, and the performers were assembled in the little dressingroom behind the scenes. After a while the conversation turned to past deeds of greatness done by the company. "Once," remarked the baritone, looking round to see if everyone was listening— "once I was singing a song called 'Row, Brothers, Row,' and all the audience began to bend backwards and forwards as if they were rowing." "That's nothing," broke in the bass. "Why, only a week ago I sang the 'Last Post.' and the entire audience began to stick imaginary postage stamps on letters, and then they all ran round to the pillarbox to catch the final collection of the day!" " OTJR SEA." Vice-Admiral Sir Reginald Hall, M.P. told, at the Junior Imperial League dinner, this story of the surrender of the German submarines outside Harwich: The German officer, overcome with passion, said to the British petty officer, •' I tell you what I think of you and your British flag," and spat in the sea. "Hearty Jack" said nothing, whereupon the German officer remarked, " I tell you what I think of you and your Beatty," and he again spat in tho sea. " Hearty Jack" then stroked his beard and replied, " I sympathise with your feelings as a Hun, but don't spit in our sea." Admiral Hall added that when he read the motto of the Junior Imperial League —" The League of the Wide Horizon."— he felt sure that no one was going to spit in their sea. A BIT "THIN." Everyone knows that gold can be beaten out to exceeding thinness, but it is not generally known that by a difference in method the most fragile piece of gold leaf a gold-beater ever attained is made to appear as thick as a brick to a piece of paper. Electricity is the wizard that does the work. A copper sheet is gold-plated only until the gold colour is just discernable; it is then put in nitric acid, which slowly dissolves the copper and leaves the film of gold floating—and a sheet of glass acts as a landing net. The gold film thus produced is so thin that if it were used for a book the "Encyclopaedia Eritannica" would go into the waistcoat pocket, and a book an inch thick would contain five and a half million pages. In fact, 20,000 of these golden pages would only be as thick as one of our pages. It certainly is a bit thin. MEMORIES OF DUSE. Very shortly Duso, the incomparable Italian actress will be in London (says the "Glasgow Herald"). She is to appear in a series of scenes from her repertoire, and there will be the inevitable comparison between her acting and that of her now dead rival, Sarah Bernhardt. Diise is quite unknown to the present generation of theatre-goers in London, and it will bo interesting to note what effect is produced by her tempestuous art. \ quarter of a century ago she electrified London by her marrcllous acting. One of her greatest admirers was King Edward then Prince of Wales, who paid her the compliment of appearing in the Royal box three nights running. Of course, her tempestuous love affair with D'Annunzio brought her very much into tjie limelight although many of the most picturesque stories told of the poet's infatuation for the actress were probably exaggerated. PRIVILEGED CONFESSIONS. At a recent meeting of the Royal Geographical Society, Sir Percy Sy'kos told a good story concerning the natives of Bandar Abbas, in India. The first aeroplane to fly over that part of the country gave them a great deal of alarm. They all believed that the Day of Judgment had come, and turned out in vast numbers on to the plain and began confessing their sins in a loud voice, among other things relating how they had cheated one another. When the aeroplane landed without doing any harm they were in an awkward position, because they all knew how tl»ry had cheated one another. So they thought over the question for a few days, and finally held a solemn meeting, at which they all swore that whatever they had said on that occasion was privileged. MURDERED OUT OF POLITENESS. Papuans have such exaggerated ideas of politeness that they are even courteous when committing murdor. This characteristic was emphasised in a paper read by Lieut-Governor of Papua, Mr. J. H. P. Murray, at a meeting of the Royal Colonial' Institute in the Flotel Victoria. "He wanted mc to carry him across the water," said a prisoner who was charged with murdering another native whom he had found and done to death on the bank of a river, "but he looked so very heavy. Of course, I could not be so rude as to refuse to carry him so I thought that the best way out of the difficulty was to kill him" "A Papuan,"' continued the lecturer, 'will sometimes plead guilty to a charge of which he is quite innocent, mereTv because he thinks that the jud<*e or the magistrate would like him to do so." You may tell the same story several times to a Papuan, but he will lau<rh just as heartily or express the same ! astonishment the last time as the first, j .No hint will escape him that he has heard the story before."' [