RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XLIX, Issue 280, 23 November 1918, Page 14

RANDOM SHOTS

BY ZAMIEL

Some write a neighbour's name 10 man. Some write—vain thought—for needful cash Some write to please the country claeb And raise a din; For mc, an aim I never fash, I wrtle for fnn.

The "conte.nte bill" of the "Maoriland I Worker" this week ie more interesting than usual. It contains "A Common Sorrow"—presumably the influenza epidemic—a speech by Mn Peter Fraaer, M.P., the death of Mr. Flindraareh, and one or two other things. Something eec/ms lucking—and then one remembers; lof course, there wn« a certain event in Europe last week. Perhaps the "Worker" had not heard of it; perhaps it considers tlie war a mere episodical brawl. "Punch ,, had a joke long ago depicting two men meeting one morning. "Had any breakfast?" "Not a drop!" The dialogue in Auokland now might be, "Had any (breakfast V ,r Not a tabloid!" For the old formula, "Come and have a drink," or ""Have a cigarette!" has changed to "Have a eucalyptus lozenge, old man?" or "Join mc in a formalin tabloid?" or "Split an ether and quinine?" or "What about a zinc sulphate spray?" Perhaps before the epidemic in over we may hear something like the following: "Have you had your upray?" [as though it were an invitation to afternoon tea). "No, we'll go together. Where ehall it be? C— 's? I 'forgot—force of habit—l mean the Health Office." "I think not. 1 don't [much care for the sulphate you get there. They non't warm the teapot. The stuff at the Government Huildinge haa a much better Iravour. Shall we go there? Right-O." Exeunt discuseing influenza symptoms. ********** Talking of afternoon tea, how many customers will the tearooms lose by the closing down in the afternoons? Drinking afternoon tea is a habit, like smoking, ami sometimes smokers do not return to the pipe after an enforced spell. An interesting article could be written about the growth of the afternoon tea habit in Auckland. When I was young, afternoon tea was a treat, and very few business men indulged in it. The habit grew with the growing prosperity of the place. I think it took hold of the business people of Christchnreh first, and we probably caught some of the infection (excuse mc, I ciyi't get right away from the epidemic) from them. Before the war there were quite a number of young men in Christchurch who never missed nftcrnoon tea at a restaurant, and generally had morning tea as well. An unkind Aucklander remarked to mc some Tears npro that this was probably why Auckland generally bcai Canterbury at cricket and football. Like some other pleasures, afternoon tea is not easy to defend. The indictment is that it spoils your appetite for dinner, ruins your nerves, nnd shatters yonr digestion. I may pay (li.it 1 never go without it, believing with tlio gentleman in "Sweet Lavender," that " While there's tea there's hope." ********** Sn the Herman internees on Some* Island won't believe that the Germans have been beaten. Would they believe it if they actually witnessed the surrender of (he German Kleet. to Sir David Reattv? Or would they behave like the American from the country who was taken to a zoo for the first time and shown a giraffe? He looked at the animal for some moments and (hen said "I don't believe it." ********** ] Talking of the surrender of the Geri man warships, here is a topical joke from jan English papor. "Now," said the pro- | fessor, "supposing that by some convulsion of nature portions of the earth now under water Ix-caine dry land, what would be the most prominent charactcris- • tic of the landscape ?'' And the girl sludent who was trying to suppress a yawn replied: "German submarines." We shall know soon how many of these pirate vessels really do lie at the bottom of the aea, and how many on the average were used at one time to hold up shipping We shall know many more secrets of the naval warfare; for instance, how' many ships the Germans really lost at Jutland Iv (lie way. talking of secrete, why is it (tint Lord Kitchener has not lwen repatriated from Germany? Surely the Allies ;irc guilty of a grave oversight in nut making his release one of the armistice conditions. J ********* I Alas, fur the stubbornness of some of J human nature's Iraits! The optimist J might h.ive thought that the experience ; <if four yi'.irs of war had made people : less prone to believe rumour. Most of lus know the story that came from I lirown, who had a friend, who had a I friend, who had a musin who was a I policeman in Downing Street, or the j chauffeur of a general, or I he butler of an army contractor. The same sort (if thing i« going «n now. Brown hears from Jones, who had it from .Smith. who had it from some doctor or nuree or undertaker, that (he mortality from influenza has heen far greater than the authorities admit, and that the disease isn't, influenza at all. etc., etc. A little reflection on our war experiences might check the flow of rumour a bit. £**M-*i**l-I rcail a story somewhere once of a proud hiilalgn of Spain who died in the direst poverty. When they examined his body (hey found that there was nothing beneath his linery; he had ureserved to the last his outward appearance of r.«nk. The same sort of ' tiling i-i being found hy workers in j stricken homes in Auckland: women without licde'othca luit with expensive garment on t'neir walls'. Yet, miim-tliinp "f' thi* deplorable state of nffairs might liavr liceii Foreseen. In soui" ease* line eouUl form ii pretty ■ goo.! «•-!itn 11«* of the amount of money Isirl-i mid women hail to spend; one also I knew pretty well what their clothes cost : ami a simple calculation would show that there was precious little over I for things that were not displayed.