MAN AS HOUSEKEEPER.

Auckland Star, Volume XLVII, Issue 174, 22 July 1916, Page 18

MAN AS HOUSEKEEPER.

KEEPING THE HOME FIHES

BURNING." "The fender," said Mimon medltatlTely, "has 'Home, Sweet llomc,' on It!" "It's all very well far you," said Scott; "j-ou've only got to mess about with a wash the dishes:" "Weil, didn't we toss for It? Try to remember that your wife is uway Beelng her mother!" "I uth remeraberlug! The housemaid, Mason, also said that sbe must ccc her mother. Now, what do they want to see their mothers for?" "My opinion Iq," eald Mason, "that Woman Is a migratory or pelaaglc animallite the Salmon—with strong riparian Instincts. In order to be happy, it Is necessary for her to ascend to the mitcrnal river at Intervals. Where nre the bowls?" 'The are either on the unll stand. Mason, or else they aro under the drawing room couch. What 'lo you wan; a bowl for?" "To mok, of rcurse!" "Don't be absurd; you can't cook a bowl. It wouldn't be illKcstlble. I should detluc Woman, Mnson, a» a seml-douiestl-cated nnlninl modltlMl by v desire to see her press, where she will dig quite contentedly for hours. That Is n proimtal impulse. What on earth do you want a bowl Tor'/" "Pens. I nin Kolng to shell peas for the stew. . . . What are you doing with 'British WllilOowcrs.' instead of washing up as yon promised?" "I am going systematically Into your peas proposals. This Is more pressing. It appears, Mason, that the pea Is a legume of the pen and liean tribe. It also seems that Uie potato (Solatium tuberosum) Isn't v potato: It's a nightshade; and—would you believe It?—lt says that the elm Is a nettle. Itotany Is a most Interesting study!" "1 found n dustpan In mj bed last night," siild Mason. •'That was where 1 left it," said Scott. "I have been sitting here seeking It for hours. My position, (Mason, 1? very dltllcult. Suppose wp were 'bombed.' 1 know scream and go off —If I cau manage it— Into a serious falut. But, on the other hand, an obligation lies on mc, as second footman, to support uiysolt as kltehenmnld and to administer manly consolation. Uow can 1 support my own persou. and ought I to give myself notice for not wearIng a cap and apron?" «" "I think you defined Woman, Scott, as a partially wild animal with pre-natal Impulses. ... I suppose you haven't an onion about you?" "I have not; the only vegetable I carry is tobacco. In the spring-cleaning habit I recogniee a seasonal impulse, probably pre-natal." "I suppose you don't know If you put cold water into a stew or add milk? ,, said Mason. "I do not." said 'Scott. "Oh, well," aaid Mason, "suppose we cut out to a restaurant:"

"I was just going to wash the dlshei," said Scon. ".lust shove the wretched things Into the second best wardrobe. Don't be a slave to the dishes!" "It choked," said Scott, "but—l know a ripping place in the coal cellar."