"LIGHT" ON THE WAR.

Auckland Star, Volume XLVI, Issue 60, 11 March 1915, Page 3

"LIGHT" ON THE WAR.

WALTER EMANUEL'S DIARY.

The writer of this diary is Walter Emanuel, the "Charavaria" man on the staff and the author of the popular "war "slut "Keep Smiling." AUGUST. Ist.—The height of the Dog Day*. Kaiser Wilhelm, the king of the Dach-. ahunds, suddenly goes mad. His ailment proves contagious, and soon his whole pack start barking and biting, and generally running amok.

4th.—As .they threaten to become a bit of a nuisance, the-John Bull dog decided to go tor them. Regrettably enough, the! King, of the .Dachshunds' is first cousin* of the King of the John Bull., dogs. However, the latter resolves that at the end of the scrap- the -former shall -be -his first- cousin - once— and for The Dachshunds declare that they will fight "to. their last sovereign." That's all right. The Kaiser will be that. - - •

sth.—The-Kaiser, in an attempt, to excuse his action, points- out that his country is too small for its population. There may be something in this, and we must see -to it that, his population is reduced. The Kaiser also claims to be "Heaven's direct'instrument, in Europe." This pretension is, on the face.of it, so absurd that, to no one's, surprise,.no disclaimer is issued.. 7th;—A little Belgian, jfriend.-of^John Bull downs the enemy at .Liege, and it is mprceKident. than-ever' that,- if- at, any time .the. partnership .referred to above existed, it has now been dissolved. - 14th.—The Belief Fund started a week ago by. the Prince;jjf Wales for. sufferers from the war has already reached £1,000,000, and it is doubtful whether so young-a gentleman has ever collected so large a sum in so short a time. By the way, it is said that a wealthy German, residing in London sent one mark to,the fund,-but this was returned with an intimation .(hat -the.' fund would rather be without the mark of the. beast. _...'"• 2lst.—A : man" vras-charged at Willesden to-daywith keeping two homes.": The. authorities are quite rightly resolved-to . discountenance luxuries of - any kind in " war .time,',".--. -- .- -7---»-•■ .-7...... - • 22nd.—The Kaiser imposed a fine of £20,000 on Liege the other day, and now demands £8,000,000 from Brussels...To judge..by the..regularity, with .whichTlie. sends in his accounts His Majesty's name Kaiser-Bill" is more, apt than one. iad. imagined... ■~..,.-. .'..- .:.,;;;..;\. . ;,.„;.}:.. • 26th.—Astronomers report the largest sunspot that;, .has7.appeared., jor: many years, and superstitious persons are.-won-dering Whether -the blemish represents Gjeraany's J^ue.in : the sun. .;; . 28th.—"A.'difficult business," -says-the writer of a well-known daily eauserie, "is the translation of words from one tongue •to another.".-Quite so. In Germany, "for instance, there is no equivalent of "Gentleman." -- ' ii' ■ ...-_'..".. ••.-%• SEPnaiBER.7 ' *'=■ ":--■■-

7th. —It is announced that I,ooo' cooks are wahte'd'at'ohee foif the aTmy7" There should be no difficulty in getting tSesei'ih" viewof tbe capital Kitchener they will have. '""".. '-' ""

Bth.—The batred"of "the English is ported to. be increasing day '.byTiaayJ'in Germany. This is said to be due to the fact; thatvithey -;are finding ;>ojhb.army not. "contemptible,." but "contemptuous." They are. discovering that ihere is more truth than they thought in the old gibe that we are a nation of shopkeepers. They are realising.now that we know -how to charge. '" V ' .-,.... ,;. ..... ;.... ...~9th.—A., great outcry among, the jGermans at: our decision. to., 7u.se"lndian, troops. This is_all,the.more surprising in. view of the fact that so few of' their own fighters are white men; v - y llth.—The Duke of Saxe-Coburg renounces his hoaerary-colonelcy-of-the Seaf orth Highlanders .on the -ground "that it is unsuitable for a German Duke to be the chief of aj regiment which has shamelessly fallen on- Germany." 'This picture of Germany as a defenceless lamb is quite good, and we shall hope to hear again from the Duke. •-\- .'7;77 -.12th.—The;Army- Council; announces that there are ample reserves of ; shirt's and socks for the troops in the field. As a matter of )fact, this is understanding the case.- -There.- are, more. than: are : required, and our men are actually;giving socks to the Germans. .*.. ; . Astohishiiig;rumours, current to the; effect that .hundreds of thousands of Russians have landed- in England and are on their way/to France.- Confirmation is furnished by a gentleman'who, seeing an apparent exotic; get7on;to the top of a Tnis on which .he "was- nding; asked- him whether he* was a Russian, and received.the answer, "Getbff, runoff, or I'll . y..7 17th.—The; free public libraries, an official says, are feeling the strain of the w#r in a somewhat curious fashion. Fiction is at a discount, and all the demand is tor Books ?oh' naval and military "subjects. The newspapers and the public themselves evidently supply all the fiction that is"'required. ' .-■' --<■■•■ - v

21st.—Jack Johnson, cUarged witVt using, obscene language, fails to appear to a summons at Bow Street. With the flower 61 our army abroad the autlvorities are now faced by a. difficult:situation, though it is possible that ap appeal good_Jiatuse' mayiyet ensure his voluntary, appearance. . '. 25th. —The Indian troops reach France, and the outlook for the Germans is darker than it has'been for some time. 26th.—-A German-squadron, consisting ?*. **? crn }** T * and f our\destroyers, sue? ceeds in sinking fifteen.British trawlers ??• tbe 'North-(Sea. A, quantity of fish y ß ,?7?*P*»»r*d at the.same, jime,. and it ' s .*?'d- that one of these phickily. bit. a German officer, and subsequently died of poisoning. \ ■-•.*

27th.—Prince Oscar, an official message states, has been obliged to enter a hospital,, suffering from heart-weakness. The" trouble isevidently inieritedlTapa's beart bled for Belgium the other day.

OCTOBER. "2nd;—Dr Sven Heoro;. who This b«wn paying a visit to Berlin, discovers that Germany, a(ter all, is France's best iarthe.dFrejich patriot," be asks> <'who, before it is -too fate,'will have the courage" to tell hjs people, for the sake, of iisr country's own existence, toshakehands with Germany?" men;-'cuxiObsly.^en6ugh;-prefer -'4»'- keep their hands.clean. .- . . to. s'The Tailor- and Cutter" the British Army is the best dressed army' in the world. Not only that. ".It can g*vepthersTa7dresslng down. Bth.TT-A telegram from Paris~tells us that the .Japanese Consul-General at | Lyons has received from his Government an offered? provide the "British and Reneh_ armies with a special kind of paper,..wMchTmay be converted?into wann^winter; clothing." imagine no material more appropriate than tins for the men who are fighting for a scrap 'of ; paper.'-.*'";"- .-.-'" .." r>

I Dth.- T -6omeone really ought to keep our sensational Press in order. What is one to thinls of the paper which places the headline, 'Escape of 40f100,000 Submarines," over the- following item of newß-.r—fthe effect-;of on the east coast herring fishevy is indicated by the fact that the total catch to date is 40,000,000' fish fewer than-usual:"

10th.—-A German charged at Cardiff with havingJafledto register was.found hiding up a chimney. Hitherto I have refrained, from calling our enemies .sweeps.

llth.—-It is pointed out -that East Prussia is one of the granaries of Germany, and-that, as a result-of the-Rus.-sian incursion, one-fifteenth-of the entire German crops has disappeared. ' As a friendly foreigner put'it, it is good to jknow that Russia's foot has come down heavily on German corns. 12th.—German, marksmanship is evidently- dete.iorating." It is said" that, though four thousand -shells, fell on Antwerp during the siege of the city, the Cathedral was not damaged. By the •way,--before the Belgians--marched out, they -destroyed, all. the animals in. thie ZooT. It .was evidently feared that the Germans would find in them their, natural allies. .... .... .... . 7

i. 13th.-rrlt is.stated .that companies of the'lst. Battalion. of - .the, Grenadier". Guards .were accompanied to the Westminster-Swimming : Baths :by the Prince of Wales. That is characteristic of the British officer. He sinks or he swims with" his men. --:'.•'

number of -London County Council school'teachers who have' enlisted has-now, it-is-anaoaaoed, reached" a total of .1020. The patriotic little scholars' Would; sT am told, as at mktferof fact',-he willing to part with all their teachers. .-..-..-.- -7 .-- ..-..- . -.. '-■■--' . 20th.—In New York there is talk of a petition being presented- to the belligerent nations begging them to agree to an. armistice-,on-CSntistmas.-Day." . The" Kaiser -is. reported,to'-be furious; at this insinuation that- the -war .will not; ha" .over.before then...,..., ..,;: ..,.„ 7VU -.__...- ---.^.^te.t.—lt of JFrance". the 7 Germans,; "have released hundreds of lunatics' f rOmVlaige asylum.A ;fellow_ ■feeling one. wondrous kind, ' -' •'■ • "•"•'" '■""' "'7".".""": '30th.—A new. £1 note of improved qualify .is to "he issued by" the T Bank of .England very, shortly. "Meariwhile7 it is suggested" .thatT. in 7view„"of 7th*7" Thard times, ".the"7oJd7ones. ; might .be. sold 7°ff .cheap. ~ „...'. „,,...-„.. ...x -...^„1.;.'..>,.:".

/. 7, . 7NDVEafBER. \7 i ; 3rd.—From Toronto-comes the-;newa that -the loyalty. Of the Irish in Canada is beyond question. If, Germans; fore, should come jthere;.in. .the hope/of a sympathetic .reeeption,vthey:,,wiU7get a" Pat on the back of an unexpected nature. i Jith.—Turkey/ takes part., in, -tie "war, ! formally siding with Germany Yon Bernhardt was, of course^.'right 'when' he described the Turks as' the natural Allies of the Germans. . Anyone who'rememhers' tbe'-niassacres'Tfii"; Armenia. "mttst"."rea"lise this.' - " ■"'■■ ;'- - -' --' - • . 7th.-—Fall. of7 : T6ingtau, .and" in China now they are talking of the T Failed Fist. /battle?"' V Surely the Nobel' Peace'/Prizeought"'to go" to this r battler 7"'' -." " :.>'■"■ -." ■' ' ■--7'"-- "-". " llth.—Mr Thomas A. Edison.": is" ported' to have invented a submarine 1 that can• sink for "a'month; ■-Howevefj'sdme of - the - German submarines have been sunk for longer than that. :•■■ - 14th.—The continued loss of life among the; Germans is; declared tonbe causing grave'alarm in thoughtful circles in 7Ber--J lin, and there; is some talk of holding aj Special: meeting .of the. Pig-breeders' Association to ; consider the situation.. At/the same .time considerable satisfajetion.is expressed at the. admirable .morale, tof ;the -stout gentlemen at the front mho form the Landwehr who, it is pointed out) -have been presenting a bowled -front te-tbez enemy.'?-~~/.1---■ ;,*.. ;7.. /U,,.1 ..'', ICth.—A caMeirom-Sydney-informs us .that tbe captured German survey ship Komet is. to be. commissioned ...in 'the King's Australian, Navy/as tbe Una. This is supposed to be Australia's plucky attempt to, translate 'ioip Latin. : ' Teamart states in the House that large quantities -of. fur "'greatcoats arid jackets'arebeing sent to ourtroops.. So look out shortly for an article in' One (of: bur enterprising "newspapers, entitled "How aiMotlrwentTto the-War.-'*'..; •'•" 7 .hatred.-' of /-our - Foreign Minister .is so intense, among- the Germans that in- Belgium many German,soldiers are said tor have" been ■- discarding their Grey uiuforms in favour of-fivilian clolhes" a fevr of these fiheftllOws have -heen seen''in[. ; Holland."77'- *-; 7-— 7. . ..injures bis jaw in 'a .'motor-car accident. Papa's jaw, alas, has'not. yet heea -stopped, and he continues to make his blasphemous speeches. " , 7' l HamVurger ; Nachrichten" refers to' General French as 'tSff, French." SOme Germans' 'do""- nbt' yet realise that tbey have met'their Master. 1 '; ;i "7 ; -A. Z~ i^pbrt-^-untruertthaf;7--.-.Jn. ; Geneva all the dogvare deco»ted ; 'with German'lron Crosses has raised-.a stormOf indignation in the Fatherland.--This, however, I am informed.is compared with the annoyance that /the; re.-: port caused in canine circles 30th.—There. - has/. ;heep.- a ..persistent Tumour. lately of the death of the Gfcrman Crowh.. PrmceV7but this .is to-day categorically denied. It \is.;now.. pto;, posed/that His.Koyal good nature is: proverbial, might; be re; speeriully -askedthe rumour- in the -light"of a' suggestion.