NEWS TIT-BITS.

Auckland Star, Volume XLIV, Issue 225, 20 September 1913, Page 15

NEWS TIT-BITS.

"I plead guilty to being drunk on counsel's advice," said a Highgate prisoner. A woman defendant at Greenwich stated that her son was suffering from "tubercollapsis." Suffragettes tried in vain to hire a launch at Henley. Another injustice— no boats for .women. An American wants a divorce because his wife cannot cook. Does she make a "hash" of everything? The illiterate shoemaker whose sign read: "Boots Sold l and Healed" was not so far out, after.all. Many people in America aTe suffering from the Turkey-trot leg. This is nothing to the Bunny banyan. Asked if he pleaded guilty, a defendant at Acton replied, "Yes; What the constable is going to say is quite right." A medical authority says that the turned-up trouser is .most unhealthy. Will the smart young man "turn it up"? A book dealing with the history of British agriculture has been suggested. It would he more fitting to publish it as a cereal. Within the Antarctic Circle there has never been found a flowering plant. In the Arctic regions there are 782 different species of flowers. Waterproof banknotes are the invention of a woman scientist. But, after all, any other kind is equally serviceable against a rainy day. Emigrants landing in Canada 'between November Ist and March let must possess at least £10. At other periods of the year at least £5. Over 11,000 miles of picture films were exported last year from America, says a Boston consular report, some 7,200 miles of film 'being sent to Great Britain. Man (at Highgate): "I had two two-penny-worths of gin and two spiders." The ,Magistrate: "What spiders? What are spiders?" "Gin mixed with gingerbeer." i A New York judge has decided that the barber is not an artist. When this judge gets his face illustrated with funny cuts he will no doubt think otherwise. (Extract from English newspaper report:—"He left a note threatening suicide. The police believe he may have gone to Canada." That's rough on Canada. "A Russian girl was struck," says a daily newspaper, "by the unceremonious waving of the hand 1 .which accompanies a parting." Very careless! She might have been hurt! The scarcity of elephants in India may be inferred from the fact that in 1835 one of these animals could be bought there for £45; now the price has advanced to £800. An English Socialist editor's assets, returned as 7/8, only realised 2/7. It's , reading little truths like this that is driving many a Socialist into the ranks of the plutocrats. With the present fashion it is as difficult for a woman to know where her blouse starts as it is for a .bald-headed man to know just where to finish off washing his face. In order to authorise the payment of a sum of 3d., which represents an error in the Budget of 1910-1911, the Italian Chamber has just passed a law giving the Finance Minister power to make the payment. The Paris police have been supplied with special pistols containing suffocating gas, by means, of which> they can stupefy a man and so- prevent loss of life. There will, of course, be no escape with this gas. It is good to know that the wearing of the slit skirt will never become universal. A lady who had 1 a wooden leg wae heard to say the other day that nothing -would induce her to assume this disgusting garb. Mr Dan Crawford, a returned missionary, states that the Tango has long 'been banned as immoral by the natives of Central Africa. Having thus been black-listed, it should be known as the black-and-Tango. It is said that the Bank of France has an invisible studio in a gallery behind the cashiers, so that at a given siinial from one of them any suspected customer can instantly have his photograph taken without his knowledge. An English fashion, papsr informs us that many fashionable women are now suspending their beltless skirts by means of braces. Frankly, we grow nervous. This looks remarkably like the first step towards appropriating our trousers. At Kingston, when a woman was summoned for using abusive language to another woman, the defendant said: "Look here, your worships, if we had our proper rights, both of us, we ought to have fourteen days apiece. I know, it would quieten her and mc, too." "Alcohol will be the fuel of the future, and the sooner we start to utilise it the better," says Professor Lewes. In order to avoid disappointment in drinking circles, we think it well to point out I that the Professor wae referring to ! motors and' not to hum-am machines. I ". T . ne e \' de nce," said the defending | solicitor in a betting-house case at Woolwich, "would no more justify a conviction than would the finding of a I jemmy on the steps of St. Paul's Cathedral justify the conviction of the Bishop of London for burglary." I A Strand jeweller says that sentimental people not only get engaged', but rush out of theatres to buy the rin<-, between the acts of some plays. At some houses the waits are almost long , enough to allow them to furnish the home, and get married into the bargain. A catch of herringß valued at £30 was destroyed at Ardglass, Co. Down, because the inhabitants thought they had been caught on Sunday. It is not generally known how much the fish enjoy their Sundays off. It is said that, to show their gratitude for the -Sabbath respite, increasing numbers get caught on Mondays. The "Daily Mail," the other day, published a photograph of the eyes of Sergeant Ommundsen, who'won "the King's Belt at Bisley. This is a new departure, and soon, no doubt, we shall have pictures of the tongue of a great speaker, the ears of a distinguished musical critic, and the nose of a prominent sanitary inspector. A good understanding between a farmer and his poultry was the feature of a case heard at Wilmslow, when a man was charged with the theft of six hens and a cockerel from the farm of Charles Woodward. Air. Woodward told the court the fowls were taken from a cote in his firid, and a few days later he saw them in a garden in Macclesfield He continued: "I said. 'What are you doing here?'" The Clerk: "Said to whom?" Witness: "To the fowls. They were lying down among3t others, and when I spoke they jumped up and came to mc. They recognised mc, you know!"