SOME KAISER STORIES.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 14, 17 January 1905, Page 2

SOME KAISER STORIES.

AN fIMPEBOB IN MBBBT MOOD. There is only one pewmaßty in Germany to-day, for although the Kaiser h*» many enemies, he has no rivals. His position as- an Individual is a» P«ramount and supreme as his position in the capacity of Kmperor. In both qualities he is a living factor In every function of the national activity. It must be singularly galling to be a genius and a monarch at once. It is easier to be * millionaire and a saint in the Mine person, or a pretty woman and an efficient grandmother. On the one aide, the genius from his very nature must discount the worth of many of the elements that make the pomp of monarchy .possible-a strain of snobbishness in himself, another of obsequious weaknes*4n those about him, concelt responding to toadyism. The monarch, on the otheT side, must often resent his instinct to despise those same elements, by which alone he Uvea. Armies obey him who know nothing of his discretion in command; worthy citizens train their moustaches to a fashion that tickies his personal taste; everywhere tne big brass hat is donned to do honour to properties and qualities that are only his by implication. No wonder princeeses run away and grand dukes marry with the left hand. Royalties are the most misunderstood folk in the world. THE POET. But the Kaiser flourishes.on it. He has discovered that with the weight of his royally he can give momentum to his genius -hammer in the nail of Inspiration with the sceptre, as it were. He is none of those misfit entities who.earn chagrin by virtue of a desire to live on their merits; when he falls short of his Intention in art, he fills the gap with his authority, sans facons. He is not the first great man who has "propped tho, rickety bantling" with the prestige of his name." "Pericles, Prince of Tyre," would not be printed nowadays If "Borneo and Juliet" hod not been written. When the Kaiser's mimes produce the Kaiser's play In the Kaiser's theatre, it is the Kaiser's audience that applauds with enthusiasm and half an eye on the Kaiser'B box. As a genius, he always wears his uniform; as a Kaiser, he wears the halo of the artist. He wrote a poem once which he submitted to a great literary man who dined at the castle for that purpose particularly. Knowing the man, I/believe him no less dutiful to his ruler than to. the craft he knows so' thoroughly. He read the effort, and found his usual duties in conflict. One has the tenderest sympathy for that critic; he had to advise an amateur poet with an exceptional power for resenting hostile comment. He yielded only a very little to the* exigencies of the situation. - "This verse, your Majesty," he began, "seems to require alteration in certain respects." The author took the manuscript and conued it thoughtfully. Then his brow cleared. "Why," lie cried, as one seeing a sudden light, "I have actually not signed the poem. Give mc a pen.' . And the only fault in the work was forthwith remedied. "GONDOLA WILLY" Half the stories that are current about |)im could never have come into circulation had the man been accessible to criticism. But this Hohenzollern is an Emperor from morn to dewy eve; his suite only speak when they are spoken to. * But now and ajtiiin he overhears a word. When he was younger and less used to the "go and he goeth" system, he contracted a habit especially irritating to his troops. He used to sound alarms at odd hours, and turn up all available army corps to march past or manoeuvre when they least expected it—at night, or in the grey of n winter morning. On one such occasion the garrison included a detachment of submarine crews, and the Emperor came along just before dawn accoutred as an admiral. He was standing among a group of shivering officers, when one veteran, approaching him from the .rear, took him for some other worthy sailor. He slapped him vehemently on the back. "I see that Gondola Willy lias fished up' the aquarium this morning." he observed, pleasantly. They attribute the cessation of sudden alarms to tnat incident in the arm;, and have all but canonised that dazed veteran. A WIGGING. Princes will be princes, it seems, and there have been times when the Kaiser has had to talk like a father to his offspring. There is a delicious story of one wigging which he administered to them which the Court is still chuckling over. "Never forget," he said, solemnly, as they stood to attention before him, "that you are Hohenzollerns and sons of the Kaiser o£ Germany. But you," he added, turnIng upon one who shall not be particularised —"you remember that I have my eye on you." Iv person the Kaiser is a florid man of barely middle height, with a full face, fleshy neck, and a noticeable general plumpness. On foot, especially when in one of his twoscore uniforms, he is less regal than engaging; ou horseback he is quite a fine figure of a man. Although his horses are specially broken and trained far his use, he has a good working seat in the saddle. To see him go past a saluting base at the rock-ing-chair canter the German cavalry affects is to see a good type of a military-looking man; he could pass iv a crowd fer a well-to-do major without ambitions. In spite of his growing stoutness, he takes a good deal of exercise. In particular he shoots, and he issues to the chase, with not much lese circumstance than the ,Dnke m Browning's "Plight of the Duchess." "MY GBANDMOTHEK." Becently he was after elk in North Germany, and, of course, shet an elk. In this great empire loyalty extends also to elks. The elf killed, the next thing was a blast on fhe horn, the feudal call announcing that the quarry has become meat. The plumed and costumed chief huntsman lifted the slug-horn and blew "Hirsch todt" (stag dead). T*e Kaiser demurred at once. N "This isn't a stag." he said. "It's an elk." "Mit Erlauh," the huntsman agreed deferentially, "but there lsa't such a call as 'elk dead.' " "See to it, then," directed the Kaiser, **th«u one is composed. ,, inNext year the elks last moments will be mitigated by appropriate music. But the elk will be less critical than the Kaiser. There Is one tale of him which dates from the time when he was a mere princely Guards subaltern, which will do for my last. He was at some military function, wearing among others, an English order. A fussy general officer, who did not know him, called him up, "You appear to be ignorant of tUe rule against tie wearing of foreiffn orders by officers." he snapped. "Where did you get that star?" "My graudniotker gave It te mc," explained Wllhelm. "Tour what?" "My grandmother, the Queen of En*, land." ; .'. FORCEAL GIBBON.

THE OOItPXiETE I A SKETCH.) H "Oh, 1 say," observed Mr Sissy the ote» ,l| day, as be abstracted an extra mild cifti.;;.' '-W ette from Wβ Jewelled case and prepaid ■ f for a regular orgy of a smoke. "1 M yj B see in the papers where a boundah out Wtit X Iβ offering a thousand dollars to wttfevir I would tell him how to win the heart otj<: girl he is, in love with, but who dortn't reciprocate, don't you know? "Must be an awful boundah, by Jore, m to be able to make good with the chlffoai, don't you know. "Trouble with mc is to keep the fetft creatures from falling in love with mc, net to make 'em love mc. "Have to run away from 'em sometlnfet, * Only chance to escape matrimony. "Know what the proverb says? 'He Was■■">■■' loves and runs away, lives to court to** other day.' I "Jolly good things, proverbs. Don't katw what I'd do without them. Saves thinking. || "Other fellah does your thinking for you, ■ Paid for it. I "Like your man who remembers that you hung up your watch on the hat-rack t>4 I put your hat under his pillow, waen-ftfc come home at night, don't you know, ■'.■• "Aw'n'y convenient. _f> v "But about the boundah that wants the peach, you know. 1 am not after his money, or like the duffers that answer things l>:" ! the newspapers, you know; but I don'| mind giving him a few points about Itow to turn the trick. Fellow-creature in cuV tress, you know, and all that kind of thing. "First, y»u know, I let the deah thtmti look at mc. Stand in front of a theatre, or club, topcoat slightly unbuttoned, showing scarf with pearl and diamond pin. Oμ foot slightly advanced, hand resting lightly on hip, attitude negligent but graceful, pression bored. Aw'fly bad form to seem interested. Must be great pleasure to fair sex to have privilege of gazing at handsome man—'noblest work of God,' you know/ "Then 1 go to see the deah creatures. Man ought to always remember that as he. is strong he should be pitiful, and if tbty can't come to see us, we ought to go aid - see them. "Must be dweadful thing, deah boy, t» be nothing but a woman, and so I feel it's my duty to do wbat I can to brighten existence for them by giving them as mttch ' of my society as I can. "Of course, one of the reasons I am sock a heart-breaker among the ladies is because I am such a conversationalist, railways know just what to say. ' v "I talk about myself all the time andtell ; : them the most amusing anecdotes abbtit. what my man said to mc, and what I said to my man, and about the terrible time I had when my tailor sent home a coat that almost wrinkled across the shoulder*. "A'fly interesting line of talk, you knew, and so improving to the poor things that can't get 'out of their narrow sphere. "But main thing Is knowing how to make love. Some fellahs awful boundahs about knowing how to make love. Get all choked iup in on their Adam's apple. Act 'as If they were trying to swallow it. Take glrl'g hand as if they were afraid of it. Ask her if she'll give them a kiss. "Awful duffer ask for kiss. Girl bound to refuse. Take it and ask afterwards. Girl: forgive you for kissing her when she wasn't willing. Never forgive you if she was willing and-diilu't kiss her. "Nothing like being original. lam aw'fly original. Always take girl's hand. Press it gently. Tell her she lias pretty hands. Then that I never loved before. Been seek- ' ing , - my ideal for many years. Found at last. Have a dark past. Want her to lead', mc up to higher life. Never smoke or drink whisky again, if she'll put her little hand 1 in mine. Pull her head down on my shonk ,'. der, and it's all over. I have broken another heart. ■■• ':_..** "If I find it so easy winning a woman , ! love, why have I not married? Deah boy, I when I can't marry 'em all, why should I wound the others by picking out one?"