MISCELLANEOUS ARTICLES.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 304, 22 December 1903, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS ARTICLES.

HTTMOUaS AND TRIALS OP FLTTNTKEYDOM.

Little has been written since the days of Thackeray on the Flunkey from his human point of view, of the Flunkey as a man. The famous Jeames Yellowplush of that author took the town by storm. It seemed such a novel idea to discuss the life, the hopes, the fears, the aspirations of the powdered lacquey. Did he sigh, of love? The ballad of Jeames with his pathetic refrain set us all a laughing, but it was a laughter in which a small strain of pathos would mingle. Confound it, why should the fellow be in love, why should he too sigh, and — writ? Must we hold out to him our sympathy? In the end our better nature told us that this plush bedecked corpulence, with his silken hose, padded calves, and powdered was under all a human being.

The process reminded us somewhat of a sketch of the King of France unclothed, and again of his clothes p. 9 worn but without the. man inside. We drew confidence from the comparison. If the flunkey was truly a man tlien, stripped of that purple and fine linen, the imposing functionary standing bolt upright, chin in air, would sink into insignificance.

And yet that powdered wig, those gorgpous deckings, that insufferable air of dignity and grandeur must be a trial to the wretched menial. Individuality is sunk in clothes. No one gives a second glance at the footman. He is part and parcel of the glorious equipage he is supposed to ornament. No one, that is, except the street gamin, who racks the pampered one by some such artless inquiry of his confrere as, "Does he bite?" Dignity demands that such an inquiry should be treated with, silent contempt which is an excuse for pusillanimity. Human nature dictates another policy; but the unfortunate flunkey must stand to be shot at. To descend and chase the quizzing arab would satisfy his yearnings towards chastisement for grievous WTong, but the scandal of it!

We recollect calling at the house of a school friend during one of those wonderful holidays which, alas! are for us no more. We had purchased from a roadside vendor of strong staves a penny cane. The door of our friend's mansion opened to us a magnificent creature clad to imagination, who delicately took our hat and penny cane. But the great dignitary showed us in and bellowed our name as if we had been ambassador to a sovereign state, while our blood flowed not freely till our friend arriving, threw down in passing a silver table. Phew! What a hot day it was. A burning summer scorcher. But the wretched menial stalked abroad in plush! Do they feel heat? The padded calves .(if they are padded) must find the heat somewhat trying. But it is in the servants' hall, where flunkey and his associates congregate that the humorous side of his character shines forth the most. Humorous from the point of view of the onlooker, for, reader, have you ever heard of one of these g-entry demeaning himself to the point of trying to be funny? Although perhaps it may be in the servants' hall (of which halls of grace and joy and beauty we have only second-hand knowledge) that he would seize his opportunity to throw off the impassive front which, he wear 3 upstairs.

But below stairs what aping of the manners of the master and his circle! There is little need for us to discuss it, for has it not been crystallised in the phrase "high life below stairs?" If we could only penetrate in disguise to those happy regions should we not find much amusement there? Would that we were permited to burrow into some of" those quiet haunts within easy hail of St. James' Street where the gentleman's gentleman holds his club; where he reads his paper, drinks his nightcap, and smokes his .fill when the shoulder-knot is unfastened for the day. Did not "Punch" hit" it off in a recent picture (for "Punch" still hits the nail on the head, even in these degenerate days) of a complaint by an extraordinary obese pluehite that his mistress was riding him to death! Apparently it needs a certain phase of mind, and runs in families. Ask your page boy what are his aspirations, and he will probably tell you that he " 'opes to be a footman, like my brother, mar'm."

So far we have dealt with the lacquey at the front door, or the austere butler; we will glance at a further trial of the footman whose laborious duty it is to announce the guests. You have experienced the difficulty of catching the name of the person to whom you have just been introduced.

Conceive then the pleasing task of our functionary to hear a thousand strange names shot at him in rapid succession while the speaker is on the move. Such alone were hard indeed. Thereafter he must repeat with promptness and dispatch so much of the name as has been audibly murmured, satisfied that in no case will he receive thanks for his labour, while the slightest error will merit a scowl or a rebuke. How wearisome a way of spending time. The flunkey is a martyr to easy attitudes. Out of doors he" sits with folded arms and sphinx-like countenance in the oblivion of compulsion while his mistress whirls on a round of calls, or takes an airing in the park. Anon he is re-awakened to life to dismount, knock, hand in three cards (two small and one large, as we are constantly reminded by -writers on etiquette in the junior press.) Or the great dame may descend to pay her call in person. Our friend opens the carriage door, assists his lady to dismount, closes, and waits for her return—a melancholy man. The call over, the caller re-embarks, the door is closed with a bang, and Lacquey mounts his perch to relapse once more into a state of quasj,-petrification. Verily there is much monotony in such a life. Even the coachman, proud being to drive so fine a pair of steeds, goes daily on his round through park and square- His not to suggest a route. Commands are issued, imperiously perhaps, but yet we hope not unkindly, and he obeys. What cares he where he may drive. All is sameness. Nothing new. Until at last he hears with joy the order "Home." Then opens to him the prospects of at least honest labour, in and about the caring for the noble animals which no coachman of our acquaintance ever did anything but loveAs driver he must be largely automaton. Nor may he fling back the gibes of passing tms or cabman. Everything in this strange world must be dignity first and foremost, even honesty perchance must follow after, all must be

impervious to every human influence. What magnificent flunkeys would be the Spartans of old or the noble savage of Fenimore Cooper. And yet judgment or decision are not called for. s Tis the life of the machine, which applied to men (provided they do not drive too hard) weara not at Ta.ll- A life of quietude and luxury far in excess of that obtained by the happy beings social equals. There are many compensations for the petty trials and after all what walk in life is without its objections? We can conceive many a worse lot than that of the pampered menial. Think for example of the city clerk! And their town life is not the only pleasant side of things. "No, iir, not hat 'ome, the family 'as gone out of town." We see vistas of board wages and savings-stocking- The employer is enjoying his leisure at his country seat, and there, too, does the "man" betake himself after a while to forget in sylvan glades the trials of a London season.