WOMEN'S REALM.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 4, 5 January 1903, Page 6

WOMEN'S REALM.

SOME SECKETS OF HOME HAPPINESS

IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE MAEBIED BEAD THIS ARTICLE.

I hope I shall not be thought to be too hard upon my own sex when I own that it is an article, perhaps I ought to say the chief article, of my matrimonial creed, that love and happiness in the home rest more, far more, with the wife than the husband.

It may, perhaps, he urg-ed against this that there are some men whom ] 10 woman, be her domes- j ,ie virtues what they may, could possibly be happy with, j but even amongst such as these the majority would, I am convinced, be found to possess a good, as as a bad side, to their characters; and the wife, if she be a wise woman, will set herself to find out that best side, and having found it, to persuade the man to live up to it. Set up an ideal Defore a man, let him think that to you he is that ideal, and the chances are a thousand to one that he will try to live up to it. If he is mean and selfish make him think he is generous and you have cured half his meanness before he knows it. If he is bad tempered and full of crotchets din it into him morning, noon and night that he is good temper itself, and (always supposing that the original bad temper does not arise from ill-health and physical suffering) it will not take very long to sweeten it.

If he is morbidly jealous don't be a fool and show him that you are afraid to speak civilly to any other man in his presence. He will begin to think he has good grounds for his jealousy then! But let him see thak in your eyes at least, no man can possibly come up to him in point of physical and mental attractions. Place him on a pedestal, make a hero of him and in his own despite he will be forced to live up to the character, and will feel himself, without any words of yours, how absurd his jealousy is. If one's wife thinks one perfection one need feel no envy of lesser mortals will soon be his attitude. . If he is one of the fussy, interfering, domestic sort of men, just try to make him feel that in your eyes he is the quintessence of everything manly, and that such details as the proper beating of the dining-room carpet and the amount of sugar cook uses when she makes the plum jam are quite beneath his notice. He will soon give up interfering, I warrant you. If he is disorderly and untidy m the extreme tidy up after him without letting him see you do it and then, din into him that he loves order and method. At first he wIU probably be suspicious and think you are laughing at him, but as time goes on, unless he is a very hopeless case indeed, he will begin to try to be orderly of his own accord, and then, indeed, you will have gained a victory. If he is prodigal and reckless coax him to save. Don't always be taunting him with his extravagance. Above all, if you are a wise woman, don't try to argue a husband—or, for tne matter of that, anybody—out of any of the above or any other faults. Arguing never did any good yet in this world, and I am convinced never will Moreover, let it not be forgotten that matrimonial arguing is but too apt to degenerate into . nagging, and a nagging wife never had any real influence over a husband yet. There are times, it is true, when the best of women, and the sweetest tempered, sometimes feel inclined to they are downright _ ared and worn out, perhaps with pam, or worry, or work, or overwrought nerves, or perhaps all four but a husband who loves his wife will, under such circumstances, generally take the nagging for what it is worth. m \,n *a Moreover, when a woman who is usually good tempered begins to nag it is usually a sign that something is radically wrong with her, and most husbands are quick to recognise this. And- now, perhaps, you will think that all the foregoing are distinctly counsels of perfection, and that a woman who has to comoat t.ny.of the faults I have mentioned in a husband and who could do so on the lines I have advised, would be little short of a saint—a crafty saint, perhaps, but still a saint. • Personally, I don't thmk it calls for any but the exercise of a very laving craftiness. You see it is all for the o-ood of the loved one in question, and it is all for the advancement of love and happiness in that particular home, be it rich or poor, high or low. Also, 1 don't think it- calls for any great good temper, but only for patience and that invaluable quality in a wife, be her standing what it maytact.

A tactless wife rarely makes a very happy husband, even when she goes to work on the "feed the brute" principle. Alind you, I don't say avoid rows altogether. It is better, far better, to have a row—an open, honest quarrel —and then kiss and be friends than it is to let anger smoulder and cherish resentment. The one clears the atmosphere^—is a sort of moral thunderstorm, in fact —the other will smoulder, and smoulder, and smoulder, until beneath its slow fire it has burnt away all love and every chance of happiness for two souls.

But if, now and again, you must needs quarrel, do so in private. Don't give each other nasty snacks before servants or in public, and, above all; if God has blessed you with children, don't let them see you disagree ever.

Let them see love, nothing but love, between you twain, so that in after years childhood shall be what it ought to be —the sweetest, dearest, tenderest memory the world has ever held.

Make the littje ones' lives all sunshine, so far as in you lies; and let them see nothing but love and sunshine between father and mother.

The lad who is taught by either parent to think "Daddy" the best and the cleverest man in the world, and "Mummy" the one person who must be loved above all others, is likely to be the one who in after years will be a credit to both parents. When husbands "and wives let the children see bickerings and quarrellings from their earliest years up, they are robbing them of what should be their birthright — of what is their birthright — the great gift of love in the home.

It is so easy-to manage even a difficult husband, if one only goes the right way about it. Make him as comfortable as ever you can, let your home be as well ordered, as clean, and as dainty as you can possibly achieve, but don't make pi™ a martyr either to punctuality, unpunctuality, or order or disorder. 'Try to strike the happy medium. Wear your prettiest gown -when he comes home, and show him how glad you are to see him. Make him feel it too; don't be afraid to tell him just because it is so long ago since your courting days. Teach the children to look for him, and long for him, and love him. Let him feel that, though he may be liked in other houses, he is loved at home, and, yes, don't be afraid of spoiling him a little. Mind, I only say a very little. The wife who makes a doormat of herself for her husband and children is unworthy of their respect, and is only teaching them to be selfish. Show your husband that you expect him to fetch and carry for you, not you for him, unless he is ill or very tired, when, naturally, no woman worthy of the name would want to be waited on.

Don't let him forget to show you at least some of the pretty attention lie lavished on you durink your courting days. When husbands do forget these things it is invariably the fault of the wife. And just one more thing, always try to show him the best side of your character. You, too, have faults, some big, some little; try to choke them down for his sake, and before you know it almost you will find that he is doing the same thing for you. That way lies happiness and love. Sweet love is butte a littel worde Toe meane so great a thinge, Yette dothe it make ye poorest hutte The palace of a Kiuge. Ande though It hathe a littel sounde Yette suehe the power of hate, It robbes a Klnge of more than crowne, Ye palace of Its state. Lorde sende us riche, or sende us poore, As seemeth best toe.Thee, Butte adde unto Thy glfte of love Ande rlche Indeede are we.