Alleged Wit

Auckland Star, Volume XXVI, Issue 268, 9 November 1895, Page 3 (Supplement)

Alleged Wit

* Was he warmly received upon bhe occasion of bia debut in bragedy?' 4 Warmly _ Why, he had bo ring down the asbestos curtain.'

Winks (who keeps house) : We had an old-faßhioned pob pie for dinner to-day. Minks (who bdi_._ds) : We had an oldfashioned chicken.

4My hair,' remarked the bald-beaded man, as he robbed his hare poll in a reminiscenb way, * waß the most ambitious thing about me.' ' Ah,' responded his companion questioninigly. *Yeb, it always came oub on'top.' In Exbremis. —- Wealbhy Father: lam sorry to tell you, sir, that I cannot allow my daughter to marry you, as you have not sufficient meama to keep her. Poor Lovesick Clerk : Thank you, sir. Might 1 aek if you have a vacant post in your office?

In tbe Fog.—Driver of 'bus (to conductor whom ho has called up): Jim, th' ol' gent behind's jusb fell hoff ! Conductor : AH righb, Bill ; 'c's paid his fare.

Firsb Carpenter : I can'b see what yon are driving at. Second Carpenter (howling with pain): Well, I can now : was driving at the nail, but hit my thumb.

Extract from tbe casualty column of an American newspaper : ' He fell on bis neck but he didn'b weep, for he fell a long distance, and the neck was his own.'

Cobble : I don't think tho landlord of the Ocean Bar House liked whab I said to him jiefore >I wonb in babhing. Sbone: What waa that ? Cobble: I asked him if there were any other sharks around.

Going. Him One Better—Country Father : When I waa your age I gob up wibh bhe lark. Citified Son (home on a visit): Oh, that'B nothing, father. Ua fellows in tho city generally keep the lark up all nighb. A.: Why doea Wheeler always ride hia bicycle in fronb of tbo doctor'a house? B. : He is a beginner and wanbß medical attendance handy in case of an accidenb.

The Husband : You are righb. Ib muab be burglare. Where is my revolver ? Tha Wife : Down in bhe library over the deak. You know I tied ribbons on i. for an ornament.

One-sided. — Gillback : la it true that you don't spend as much money now aayou did before you were married? Packetb : It is. I wish I could say the same thing of my wife. Genius and Talent.—'There are two kinde of renowned compoeerß in the sea of music,' said a critic. ' Some of them ate fish, and some have learnb how to ewim, Mozarb was one of the fish.'