How He Made His Fortune.

Auckland Star, Volume XXVI, Issue 5477, 7 February 1885, Page 6

How He Made His Fortune.

1 wAlkkb along that narrow country road •with a heavy heart, I was out o*. employment, my pockots were empty, and I had no prospect of getting n moal nor yet finding shelter for the night. Then tho gall in my heart mounted. 1 ground my teeth, my oyes sparkled with rage, i ■clenched my tists in my empty pockets, I cast myself into tho hedge, nnd glowered boforu mo into tho glaring dusty road. At that moment my cyos rested on somothing glittering boforo mo on tho road. It Hashed in tho sun liko glass. I paid no attention to it at first, but its sight attracted my curiosity, and prcsontly I stopped to sco what it was. I picked up a little glass vessel, with a nosvle at ono end of tho tiibo, and an indiarubbor receiver at tho other. It was an antistylograph pen. Then, hardly knowing what 1 did, I tilled my left palm with cliu-i out of tho road, and amused myself with charging tho littlo ink-syringe with it, and (hiving it forth again in v cloud, by compressing Uio indiarubber vessel at tho end. I thought of nothing nil tho time, and obsorvod nothing but this toy, till 1 was roused by a voice addressing mo, and tlion I looked up. Opposite mo stood a farmor, as 1 conjectured by his dross anil gonoral appearance ilo was watching my proceedings with great curiosity. "Woll, master," says ho, "I reckon you'vo a queer sort of a hinstrumont tlioro. What bo that, now ? You bo a doctor, I suppose I" " Whateta could I bo?" laskod ironically. " And what bo that quoor sort of a thing [n your hand ?" " A surgical instrument, of course" " And what bo that thero powdor in tho t'other hand V

"That! Oh, that is tho boat possiblo of medicines, tho very elixir of lifo, a compound of tho rarest and most valuablo of nil condiments. It's scientific name is Tou-d'apamei-bomonos-pvosephe-podns-okus— Achilles." Tho farmor was immensely impressed with tho words—a lino of tho " Iliad " which arose uncnllod for to my lips. "And now," ho said, "might I nmko so bold as to ask what that medicine is good for ?"

" Every malndy man is heir to. Wo nil come to it at last, and tho soonor the batter."

"I'm bad in my livor," said ho. " Now, if I may tako tho liberty to ask, doosit touch tho livor?"

"Touch tho liver!" laughed I. "It touches it moro strongly than calomel." Tho farmer was greatly impressed, "Hang it I" said ho, "I wish you would throw your dust into my oyos. I don't mind paying you for it. What is your charge ?" "Fivo-and-six for such as you," 1 said. " Tho quality—a guinea." Ho drew forth his purso at once and handed mo the money. "There now," said he, " blow oway."

I sent a pull of dust into his eyes. Ho applied his handkerchief to them, and then said, shaking himsolf, " Hang it I I believe you are right. I feel easier in my liver already. There la my old woman, she's bad with lumbago. Now, do'ee think you could do her any improvement!"

"Try mo," enid I, " Well, I will," ho said. " Como along. It's not far otr to our place, and if I might make so bold as to 03k you to tako a bite of dinner with us, I'd take it kindly. Hero's another fivo-and-six, paid aforehand for the old lady, and if sho is better, in a day or two we'll have you to throw dust in our oyos again." Ten minutes after I had half-a-gumea in my pocket. After I had puffod dust into the eyes of the farmer's wife, and promised to call a?ain, I hastened to the office of the principal local newspaper and inserted an advertisement — "Dr. BobertFlopjohn, M.C.S, Salamanca, D.P.L., Mantua, Professor of Experimental Chemistry, Leydon, is visiting this town for a few days only. He is in possession of a panacea for all maladies, having arrived by a concatenation of evidence at a conclusion which has escaped all empirics. Dr. R.F.has practised for a number of years in the principal towns of the Continent, and_ triad his specific on a number of complicated cases, and has never known it to fail. In offering this new yet world-old remedy to the public, it is not liko bringing out an untried article. For over twenty-hvo years it has been put to the severest teat of experience. Fully understanding its ingrodionts, Dr. II.F. is prepared to say that not only will no injurious results follow, but that absolute success must ensue. He has never known it fail to either relievo or euro the disease for which it was taken. He ha.s letters from all parts of Great Britain and Ireland, Germany, France, Belgium, Holland, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Russia, Turkey, and Greece, from thoso that have been cured of different complaints, which he will be proud to show to anyone who desi'estoseethem. Consultation from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and again from 6 p.m. to 0 p.m." It was really amazing to see how my door was besieged with persons desirous of having dust thrown in their eyes after this advertisement had circulated. Money poured in. I was engaged in blowing dust into tho eyea of my patients all day and until late at night. 10 p.m. was too late to roceive, 9 p.m. too late to knock off work. Patients of all classes camp to mo. Some paid guineas, some half-guineas, most fivo and sixpence. It was now easy as to my futuro :it was socurod. As timo passed and I found that I had more patients than I could attend to, I extended my hours of consultation, and had new and more commodious promises built. Tho rents from the upstair offices amounted to a considerable figure. Of course I could not attend to all who sought an interview. I thorof oro did up little parcels of dust in blue, red, and gold paper. I had them stamped as quack medicines, and sold them at 2s lid per packet. The injector I sold separately at ss. Bat even this did not satisfy me. I announced that I would give a packet to everyone who would apply to me gratis. I put this advertisement in something like three hundred newspapers, and the result was that applications poured in on ma from every quarter. I am afraid to say how many thousand packets of common road dust I thus distributed free of charge. With each packet I enclosed a printed form to tho effect that though the powder was given grati3, yet the necessary apparatus for its injection into the eyes could not be given away without a small charge of five shillings to cover the outlay of its manufacture. These little squirts of glass and indiarubber cost me threehalfpenco each from the manufacturer. I knew that I sold 3,600 of them, which alone brought in £900, less their cost, which was £22 10s, so that the net profit I made was £877 10s. After that I had numerous orders for packets of oyo-dust. On the average I sold five to each syringo, and that, at 2s ljd each, amounted to £1,912 10a. By visits and personal attendance on cases I made as much as £25 per week, or £1,300 per annum. That made per annum— £ s. d. Sale of squirts 877 10 0 Saleofduat 1,912 10 0 Professional attendance... 1,300 0 0

£4,090 0 0 I havo not deducted the cost of advertising and painting, nor of the rod, bluo and cold paper m which I wrapped up tho dust, nor of the sealing-wax impressed with my seal (without which none was centime). Roughly calculated, throwing dust in folk's oyes brought me in an annual income of £3,500. But tbo most extroardmary feature of tho caso was that I received testimonials as to the efficacy of my remody from all quarters, without any solicitation—indeed, every post brought me in recognition o£ the wonderful results thht had followed on the throwing of dust into people's eyes. «.*... . . j You might suppose that those who had once tried°my remedy and found it to fail would have given it up in disgust. Mo such thing. They went on with it with unshaken credulity till laid hold of by some other quack.