PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 695, 29 September 1909, Page 6

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

rchaiit —"T want this ad. where ct ryone will see it." r"oiioitor —"We charge higher rate-* for spare on the ha. t»ba!l page."—{Baltimore World. ' I understand yon iiiade money in that stock deal." "Yes, I came, out on top." "How did you manage it?" "(lot in on. the ground floor."—Philadelphia Press. Sunday School Teacher "Now, Tommy, you may gi*e your conception of 'ths future state.'" Tommy - "Please, ma'am, it's a territory."— Philadelphia Record. "Billinger is a little too captious." "What's the matter with him?" "He prayed for rain, and then grumbled because the water wasn't iced." — C'lf-veland Plain Dealer. Mrs. Y. —"Before we were married, Tnu used to swear that you loved "me." Mr. Y.—"Weil?" Mrs. Y.—"Kr —well—l—l think it's time you stopped swearing,"—Philadelphia Bulletin. "I don't understand your radical change of views. When you were sntdying for the ministry you were pronounced against eternal punishment." "Yes, but I wasn't married then."—Denver Time*. First Policeman—"Why is the street so blocked? Nobody told me about this procession. What is it?" Second Policeman —*Tt's the reporters of the city going to see a naval officer who won't talk." —Boston Transcript. A Philosopher.—Wife—"There's a burglar down m the cellar, Henry." Husband—"Well, my dear, we ought to be thankful that-we are upstairs." Wife—"But he'll come up here." Husband—"Then we'll go down in the cellar, my dear. Surely a tenroom house ought to be big enough m hold three people without crowding."—Boston TraTeler. DISBANDING A GREAT ARMY. RetiramvMt of Lmltcd States Troops That liwed in the Philippine lalmads, ■—■.. f An important event in the history of the United States was the sailingfrom Manila of the transport Kilpatrick with the 33 officers and the 1,013 men of the Firty-third regiment. United States volunteer infantry, in time to enable the war department to carry out the provisions of the law which calied for the inusrering out of all volunteer troops by .Tune 30, 1901. This was the last regiment to be disbanded says the Philadelphia Saturday Evening Post. By act of March 2,1599, the army was

reorganized on the basis of 65,000 en-

listed men and 35,000 yolunteers, volunteer service being for a term of two* years and four month*, or until July 1. 1901. There wat no -trouble in getting- enough men. The enlistments showed what has been claimed by our sanest patriots, that when the nation • needs help it can obtain all it wants for the asking. The American soldier is the best treated, the best paid, the best fed of any fighters the woria has ever known. The consequence is a higher standard of intelligence, conduct and efficiency than in any other army. Whatever may be the fears of other peoples the United States is able to taVp care of itself, for ir has been calculated by poKt-ical economists that if necessity should arise this country could' arm. equip and keep in the £-!'! 10.000.000 soldiers. The volunteer force of 35.000. which is now no more, was nearly 10,000 Icrrrer than the whole American army b-fore the outbreak of the war with ? r >ain. and many of the men have env lister! jn the rfgular establishment and will continue to serve their country for rears to come. It is decidedly dangerons to make comparisons between volunteers and regulars, but there is g'.ory enough for all. This was illustrated in the operations against Santiago from June 2 to July 17, IS9S. for

i: was onlj three year."? ago when our men of the Fifth corps were winning the fight with Spain. The corps were SfiO officers and 17.349 men.and thecasnalties in all the numbered I.BSS. of which 1.417 were among The 13,277 regulars and 271 among-the 4.941 volunteers present for duty.

To Serve Watermelon. Some hostesses are serving watermelon this season in fanciful designs: 1 he melons have been on ice for several days, and are cut lengthwise in deep sea-ilops or points, so that each section for a person looks like a small cauoe. When the two halve 6 have been deeply notched and placed side by side on a large hand-painted platt r. with crushed ice filling the center, • melons hare the appearance of i .._*i? dowers. Some young hosts are t ' :ng a specialty (to please their i *) of ingeniously cutting the v !... rmelons to represent the petals orchids and various flowers. The •■ -ss has in that event had her table rations of orchids or the blooms !ed upon. Some persons make a i -sized incision in n large watert m and pour therein a bottle of i npagne.* Aftrr the melon hasbeen in "n the ire for three hours the • tttpagne is drained off and the flavor the melon is delicious.—Cincinnati Hr.iiuirer. - Preserved Ktrlna; Beans. The best time to do up string beans n the latter part of October. Seyoung string beans, and, after ting them of strings, wash «nd i .i ■•<•• themin a kettle »f boiling water; < k five minutes; drain and fill the i stis in glass jars. Then add to four q . irts of boiling water two ounces of sal*, and fill the jars to overflowing this. Close and boil them in a ket>f water 2.', minutes; take out the j r>. -.pen each one a minute; close • ! licklj; return them to the k«ttlea:rd • • k 40 minutes longer.-—Ledger J; tithly.