EMILY on ETIQUETTE

Cue (NZERS), Issue 34, 31 October 1945, Page 8

EMILY on ETIQUETTE

TO many New Zealanders the name Emily East conveys little or nothing, but in her home country, Amertea, Emily is a force to be reckoned with. Her written word is law to the most blue blooded members of the American aristocracy—and a section of their aristocracy is very blue blooded. Our English scions of the Norman invasion are pale pink by comparison. What Emily says goes, for, to use an Americanism, Emily can ”cope”. If a Dowager Duchess or a dustman appears on her doorstep she knows just how to handle the situation and this ’’know-how” has most generously been made available to* her less- fortunate compatriots in her ’’Etiquette — The Blue Book of Social Usage.”

Lest it be thought that this is a review, it must be pointed out that Emily first blossomed into print on the subject in 1922 and is still going strong. She is now an’ American Institution. Her fame ranks with that of that great English institution, Mrs. Beaton —if it is not a severe breach of etiquette to couple her name in the hall

of fame with that of her culinary counterpart.

For her American public within the limits of national traditions and customs, the rest of the Englishspeaking peoples—she does produce the goods and commonsense underlies her rulings of what is—and what is not— thing”. If the aristocracy’s dependence on her has been stressed earlier, it is not to be assumed that they form the bulk of her subscribers, for that is by no means correct. In her interpretation of ’’etiquette”, Emily points out that it is not merely the handmaiden of brides, diplomats and politicianstoo few of the last have any at allbut that ’’everything we do, say, choose or use, or even think, follows or breaks one of the exactions of taste or tact, ethics or good manners”.

Her rules are the findings of long experience, handed down for practical use.

A browse through this social Bible is informativeand somewhat shattering. One’s many social shortcomings become all too obvious. On the other hand the student will find himself indulging in a little self-congratulatory back-pattingin one or two* paragraphs— he discovers that his past performances in various situations are vindicated by Emily’s pronouncements on the subjects. Every businessman should have a copy of this book on his office desk for constant reference, for many lb the pitfalls before him. A particularly useful paragraph is that headed I*-

Secretary is shown into room in Employer’s Suite,” in a section dealing with business women in unconventional situations. The unfortunate secretary is involved in a hypothetical set of circumstances which would test the fibre of the most doughty of these warriors. 'She has ordered a suite for her boss and a room and a bath for herself and the clueless clerk has gummed things up by lumping them in together.

Emily rises to the occasion with these preliminary words of caution. ’’The question of what to do depends somewhat upon the type of man he is”. The correct line of action is to maintain complete calm and composure — as if it was the most natural occurrence in the world —and then go down to the clerk and get another room.

A paragraph that brings a message of cheer for most of us is that entitled ’’Certainly you can sop bread into gravy!” It may be done, according to American rules, at the most formal —provided it is done properly ”by .putting a small piece down on the gravy and eating it with knife and fork”.

If you are confronted with a row Of silver on either side of your plate of soup and no soup spoon is apparent, a tablespoon is the correct implement. This spoon should be dipped away and the soup sipped silently from the side of the spoon.

Introductions form a stumbling block for some of us but if certain forms are avoided one can’t go very far wrong. Emily lists these as not being de riyeur: ”Mr. Jones, shake hands with Mr. 'Smith or Mrs. Jones I want to make you acquainted with Mrs. Smith —never say ’make you acquainted with’ and do not, in introducing one person to another, call one of them ’my friend’ for to pick -cut a particular person as ’my friend’ implies that the other is not”. The best introduction, suitable not only on informal occasions but whenever two

people are introduced is the mere pronouncing of the two names—” Mr. Brown. Mr. Jones,” or if introducing a man to a woman’’Mrs. Brown. Mr. Jones.” Do not repeat ’’Mrs. Jones! Mrs. Smith! Mrs. Smith ! Mrs Jones!” —to say each name once is quite sufficient. The correct reply to an introduction is ’’flow do you do?” ’’Pleased to meet you’” is the tabu) of tabus, says Emily.

Some very sound advice can be found for card players in the section entitled ’’Dont’s for those who would be. sought after”, the most important being ’’Don’t hold a ’post-mortem’ on anybody’s delinquencies, unless you are actually teaching”. A word of warning for bridge players—don’t be offended if your partner takes you out of your bid'. Don’t regard him as a

third opponent. Mannerisms must be avoided like the plague when playing. ’’The incest usual and most offensive is that of snapping down a card when playing or bending a trick taken into a letter ’U’, or picking it up and trotting it up and down the table.” Emily lists other offences such as ’’various clicking, whistling or humming sounds, massaging one’s face or scratching one’s chin with the cards”. The ’’Smart Alec” who (holds his card aloft ready to fling to the table as though shouting ”1 know what you are going to lead”, comes in for his fair share of scorn. ' - . The golf course is another important proving ground for etiquette. Our authority says—’’Golf is a particularly

.severe-strain upon; the amiability of senders at all —throwing them in a

the average person, and, ,in no other game, except bridge is serenity of disposition so essential”.. .. . . ’’The rule, that you should not appoint yourself enter holds good in.golf as in bridge and. every other game”. A young woman must on no account expect the man she happens to be playing with to make her presents of golf balls or to caddy for her, Pr to provide a. caddy for her. She must carry her own clubs, hire her own caddy, or not play golf.

Motorists - and pedestrians receive some candid criticism and advice. The best—known test of a perfect driver is* one with whom you never find yourself driving the car. When you see a passenger involuntarily applying the brakes on an imaginary control, look to your driving—there is something there that , doesn’t inspire much confidence. You are probably a driver who shows no courtesy to his pas-

heap on the floor every time you stop or scaring them half to death. Don’t turn round to talk to those in the back seat, or carelessly release the wheel while you light a cigarette. letting the car meander towards the edge of the road. You won’t win friends and influence people that way even if yen survive the mash-up. Pedestrians —• particularly Italian pedestrians —are mostly lacking in motor-manners. Emily has some very sensible ’’don’ts” for these offenders, the most important being ’’Don’t dart forward from hiding and imagine that an oncoming driver, whom you yourself could not see, could know by means of clairvoyance that you were there !”

’’Manners maketh the man” and many of us have acquired rough edges through army life that will have to be smoothed off if we are not to appear a. little uncouth to our families when we return to them. Each of us could profitably indulge in some introspection an see just 4 how he measures up to those standards of conduct that will be expected of him. Emily gives us a pointer. ’’The greatest asset that a, man or woman can have is charm — and charm cannot exist without good manners.”