Scientific Bombshell

Arawa Guerilla, Issue 8, 1 November 1942, Page 2

Scientific Bombshell

The most important development in the science of biology since Darwin’s Theory of Evolution has just occurred. It was in this camp that the bombshell (for indeed it is one) burst. It was Captain Beeves who made the disclosure. Did he announce the new theory before a gathering of the world’s savants, all trembling with suppressed excitement at the revolutionary development in biology? No. With his usual modesty Captain Beeves casually made his statement the other Saturday at a P.T. lecture to a bunch of half-wittedas. you were—to the flower of the Army gathered in the Y.M.C.A. Captain Beeves was enlarging on the advantages of being fit (the old “mens sana” line); the listeners (those who were awake) being quite unprepared for the blow about to fall. The lecturer, with a neat poetic turn, spoke of the beauties of family life then went on to sayand here it comesthat it was our duty to build strong bodies for the sake of any .children we might have in the future that they too might have strong bodies. THE LEEVES THEORY This means that acquired characteristics can be inherited! Darwin was wrong, Lamarck was right. The science of biology has been standing on its head. The implications of the Beeves Theory of the Inheritability of Acquired.. Muscle stagger the mind. In one generation acquired characteristics can be passed on. This! is going to rotate the world’s scientists. It has political consequences, too, for our social order is almost based on the now exploded theory that acquired characteristics cannot be inherited. If you should snap a leg off going over the assault course, your offspring is now likely to arrive with only one leg. The children of Private (keep it clean, no names!) of a certain P.B.P. are going to be born tired. Be careful if you have a black eye—it would not be a nice present for an unborn child. Children may now be born with complete sets of false teeth which will save a good deal of trouble and expense. Sergeant X’s children are going to start life well with a rich store of polished profanity, while Billy Cotton’s children have no hope of a waistline. DOOM AHEAD As we watch the remedials hobbling, hopping or tottering across the bull-ring we shudder for the future of the race. Obviously to save catastrophe the country must be handed over with full powers to the eugenicists immediately. Only stern measures can save us now. No one who cannot do twenty press-ups without a blink can be allowed to bear children. The Beeves Theory has shown us our impending doom. Let us be warned! It is time, gentlemen, to act! It is time, gentlemen— that phrase makes us realise wfhat an awful lot of babies are going to be born full of 3 per cent, beer —. RUDE COMMENT If Sergeant Wilkins thought. He’d see the thing he ought. That it isn’t only rum That builds a portly turn.

SKRUGE THE STOOGE When maniacal screams, £

Disturb your peaceful dreams, > Don’t grab your gat in pain.

—lt's -only Ohrugo-ngain. , ALEXANDER TURNBULL LIBRARY j WELLINGTON. NEW ZEALAND fl 0 A