THE Responsibilities of Women as Mothers.

White Ribbon, Volume 3, Issue 35, 1 May 1898, Page 9

THE Responsibilities of Women as Mothers.

A Pai-br Kkai» at thb Anneal Convbwtt<*m or TNB WoMBM'n CnKImTIAM TRNrBNANCS UnlmM. Hy ifn r#U. Mt subject this aftern«s»n i* such a large one, ami include* so many things, that 1 shall u* able to *k# little more than imli-ate some **f the points that I wish to leing before you. while 1 may perhaps l*e able to dwell a little longer on some of ti e uio e important p inta. My ch>* ( aim in this pip* r will be to *ugg**t toptev f«*r thought. In dealing with my Muhject I first wish to f<m«)der, “Too k< m are uiottiers r* *|***n*ibl» * ami ae*-ondly, “ For wk-if are they rcs|>unsiblc F 1. To w hom are m-•* hers rea|k*n*ihle F I think they are r» sensible (I) to G *l. (1) t<» their children, (S) to the community to which they belong. Mother* are auivly rw#pon*ihl# to God bv the w«y in whh’h they tram their children or neglect to tram them. .Nouietuue* people take un duties and they afte.* war«is wonder whether they mole a uii.take in undertaking them, but n> mother .an ever think that. Th-re is no pmaibihty of mistake her* —wh* c a child i* once l«*rn there can l« no doubt aa to whose duty it is t > train it. There is no choice in the matter. It la the duty of the mother to train it simply la*> cause she «• its Afoffcvr. A woman may, and sotuei uiea does, try to devolve the duty upon some. ne <*lse, but ahe cannot by so doing get Kill or HICK KEsroMsIHILITT. It is from krr G.sl will require an ac ourit, and it is to Him every mother will have to ana«er wh«n H** asks, as lie surely will, - What have you done with th.we hoys and girls Ic* iuiuitt*Nl to your charge ? ’ Gh, that every mother would ao tiain her chu* dit-n that ahe may give her account to Gv*d • ith joy, and n«*t with grief and shamt. Mothera are resi****-so their children for the *;•,* in tkieii they train them It •s *ro*r ;U pan nU that evety child born into t!ii# world derives its physical lite ; it is from them it derives phyawal infirmities, evil t«ndrnci*#, peculiarities of t* iuj>er and diaposition, or on tl»# other band a healthy kaly. a *<’und mind and s|**i'i*l gifts <*f vari*u* kinds. Mothers are there! re b*un«l t«» do their utueiA to teairain what is evil in their claidien. atel t*> cultivate what i« g*«*d. and ai to train them that they may grow up ta tc useful, and !h**t«fore happy, men and women.

It is unreasonable of a mother to fi*ol angry with a child for manifesting some fault of character which it haa INHERITED either from herself or its father. Anger is out of place hen*. Rather let the mother try to hi Ip the child to tight against, and by God’s help, overcome the evil disposition. Let her tenderly sympathise with it in its conflicts, and cheer and encourage it with the hope vf victory. 3. Mothers are responsible to the community in which they live for the way in w hich they train their children. A community is made up of individuals, and these individuals are, in the main, what they have been trained to be in the homes in which they were born and grew up. A baby does not naturally grow up into a pure, high-minded man or woman in spite of bad training, or with no training at all. To secure this result *ery areful training and unceasing pains are needed. This brings me to the second branch of my subject. 2. For uhat are mothers responsible ? I think they are responsible (1) For the physical training of their children. (2) For their intellectual training. (3) For their moral training. (1) For their spiritual training. Now, if a mother is to be at all competent to carry on these four kinds of training, each of which is necessary to make a useful and huppy man or woman, she must diligently EDUCATE ANI) TRAIN HERSELF, i.e., if she has not been already educated for this purpose by her own mother. When a girl marries it p'tuia to be considered that she will naturaAy understand how to care for and train a child when God gives her one, and a good deal is talL.nl about the maternal instinct. I believe the maternal instinct to be on** of the holiest and purest feelings of which human nature is capable, and 1 also believe that it is implanted by God in the breast of every mother, however ignorant or degraded she may be, though we know that 3ome unhappy mothers try to stifle and destroy this sacred feeling- Hut it is this maternal instinct which should prompt every mother to try and acquaint herself with all that is needful for the wise training of her children. With respect to physical training, a good many mothers do seem to try and lind out something uIK)Ut the laws of health with respect to food, clothing, etc. Hut even here how often it is taken for granted that a womf.n who has had several children must know how to train them. I remember a relative of mine saying to me when 1 declined to accept her advice in the treatme * my first baby (sai i advice being to give it food whenever it cried), “ Well, i should think 1 ought to know how to bring up a baby seeing I have had nine ! ” Certainly she ought to have known, but I don’t think she did. No artisan or craftsman of any kind would dream of getting employment if he had had no PRACTICAL INSTRUCTION in his trade, but young mothers •»re supposed to acquire the knowledge how to take care of a young child’s delicate body, and to train its immortal soul by instinct. In opposition to this idea 1 think that every woman wheu she is looking forward to the birth of her first child, or probably long before that time, ought to acquire all the information she possibly can, both as to the care of her child’s body, and the training of its

higher nature. There are numerous books published which will help mothers who are anxious to learn, and now-a days they do rot cost a great deal, besides which they may often he bought second hand for very small sums. The BEST AUTHORITIES <>n * ach subject should he studied, but I would advise every mo'her in reading xouse her own judgment, and not blindly follow any theories without duly considering and understandin g thingshow to apply them judiciously. One of the to be avoided is the following of any custom or practice because it has always boon done an l there’ore apparently must be right. I chould like to mention just one instance of what I mean. It used to l>e considered the correct thing to plunge a young child into cold water, no matter whether in winter or summer ; this was suppor-ed to harden it. I suppose no one will ever know the numbei of delicate babies whose lives have been shortened bv this really cruel treatment, nor the number of comparatively strong children who have been rendered delicate, and who have, besides, acquired an utter dislike to bathing in after years. Yet many a young mother has persisted in this daily torture to her child, almost weeping herself as she heard its pitiful cries, because she thought it was good for it and therefore her duty to continue the discipline. I will just quote one authority on this subject : “ I’o bathe a delicate infant in cold water with a view to harden the constitution, as it is called, is the most effectual way to undermine its health and entail future disease.” Every mother should try to make herself acquainted wiili the proper way of feeding, not only young childnn, but growing girls and b.»ys, who I believe, often do not have enough food, nor food of a WHOLESOME AND NOURISHING description. She should also provide for plenty of exercise, especially in the open air, and 1 think she must not l*e afraid of noise sometimes. Childn n ought to l»e taught to be quiet when they are with thtir parents or grown-up people, but some provision ought to l>e made for allowing them to make as much noise as they like at suitable times .and in suitable places. If children’s bodies are well nourished and eared for, and ample exercise and recreation are allowed we shall not often, I think, have to lament over peevish, fretful tempers. 2. Next, it is a mother’s duty to care for the intellectual training of her children. For their own happiness, so that they may have intellectual resources and pleasures which will keep them from many hurtful amusements, we should carefully cultivate whatever abilities God has endowed them with. I think more care should be bestowed in providing boys, especially the elder ones, with AMUSEMENTS that will keep them at home of an evening, and prevent the dulness and monotony of home life which leads so many boys and young men to seek their pleasures elsewhere. Where any taste for music exists it should he diligently cultivated, so should any talent for drawing, or wood carving, or photography,and many other things which you will think of for yourselves. T*'» • more carefully the intellects of childnn are cultivated, and their uiiads informed, the more useful they will be to their follow creatures in after life. I do not think I need dwell much on intellectual training, because n the present day it is not often oveilookel. Indeed, my own opinion is that children study for too many hours now-a-days, and

sufficient time is not devoted to out-of-door exercise, especially in winter when the days are short. In most cases the mother will have to delegate the intellectal training of her children to others, but even so, I think she should show an interest in their studies, sympathising with them and helping them in their difficulties, and encouraging them to perseverance. If a mother does this she will find that her children will come to her with their school troubles, and she will have many opportunities for influencing them. She will lind out if evil influences aie sapping and undermining their moral nature, she car, enforce the teachers’ authority, and set before her children the duty of absolute honesty, truthfulness,loving-kindness to schoolfellows and purity of words end conduct. To do this a mother must be s,. loving and sympathetic that her children shall n<>t be afraid to come to her with their troubles. She should not he TOO HABTY TO CONDEMN, hut should patiently hear a story to the end. Many a childish confidence has, I am sure, been checked by the mother’s hasty remark, “ Oh, that was naughty,” or “ How could you do such a thing.” Hut lam trenching on uiy third point—the moral traieng of children. It is hardly possible to begin this early, quite tiny children can be taught to bo obedient, to lie truthful, to be generous, and to practise many other vutues. And, as they grow older they should be taught the duty of temperance, of purity, of self-sacrifice, and self-denial. I think it is essential that mothers should RETAIN THE CONFIDENCE of their children, both boys and girls. I don’t think an honest, pure-minded boy ought to be afraid or ashamed to tell his mother anything. I read somewhere recently that a widow lady who was left w ith <*ne son, sent him in due course to a large school. It was in the place where their home was, so he lived at home as before. This boy had been accustomed to tell his mother everything, and the first day at school when he came home to dinner he told his mother several things lie had heard in the playground. The mother flushed crimson and sai<l, “ Never dare again to repeat to me anything that you may hear in the playground.” The b<>y looked astonished, hut he obeyed, and Henceforth there was a gulf between that mother and her son. What an opportunity lost! She had deliberately shut herself out from all opportunity of counteracting the evil that would contaminate his young mind, and if he grew up into a vicious, depraved man, who could that mother blame ? With regard to the moral training of children, I have long thought that it is much easier to train a large family than an only child. In a large family the children have to give up their own way, and there is ample opportunity for manifesting unselfishness, love, forbearance, patience. The corresponding faults also show- themselves readily, so that a mother can see in her children the evil tendencies that need to he repressed, and the good ones that need to be fostered and encouraged. Where there is only one child it seems desirable that some companions both for study and play should be chosen, both as a means of cultivating many good qualities, and also to counteract the dulness and weariness of a lonely life. Of course these companions should be selected with the greatest care. My fourth point is the spiritual training of children, umi all other trainiug yields in importance to this. Mothers should teach their children first of all the love of

HOD AS A FATHER that it is from Him that everything that is good comes, parents, brothers and sisters, food, clothing—that He is he Maker of everything that is btight and beautiful around them. A child should never be allowed to look upon God as an object of terror. There is a proper fear of God which bads to the desire to avoid doing anything that will grieve Him, but that is quite different to the fear which leads a child to look upon God only as an angry Judge, always on the watch to see and punish what is wrong, instead of a God who is not extreme to mark what is done awi-s. I once knew a family in which the great aim of the parents seemed to be to set before their children the idea that God was constantly watching them, and in order to impress this idea as strongly as possible, a large eye was painted over the mantelpiece in the nursery. Now I thoroughly believe that it is a right and good thing to teach a child that God sees all his actions, hears all his words and knows all his thoughts. But I would never dissociate this idea from the thought of God’s love. To all of us alike, young and old, the mere abstaining from what is wrong from the FEAR OF PUNISHMENT is to my mind an unworthy and degrading motive. It is also n lamentably weak one when compared with the mighty power of love. True love to God will keep a child from transgressions against God and it will make him manifest all Christian virtues to others because love is, as the Bible tells us, the fulfilling of the law. How can you willingly injure those whom you love? I think, therefore, that every child should be taught that God is indeed always watching him, but it is as a loving father, noting with approval every attempt to do right, rejoicing in every victory gained over disobedience, ill-temper, anger, greediness, laziness, and selfishness in every form ; and grieving over every fault committed, all breaches of the law of love. When the mother has taught her child to trust in the love of God the Father, she should teach the sinfulness and weakness of human nature. A great deal of disappointment might 1 e prevented if children were early taught that they cannot do right without the help of God’s Holy Spirit. How often are good resolutions made, only to be broken because this truth has not been taught. And lastly no religious teaching can be of much use that does not lead to the Saviour. Let them feel that the Lord Jesus Christ is not merely a person of whom we read in history, as we do of Alfred the

Great, or William the Conqueror, who lived and died many years ago, but a real, living Saviour who loves them now as much as He did Mary and Martha and Lazarus, and THE LITTLE CHILDREN whom He took in His arms when He lived on this earth as a man. Let the children be encouraged to confess sin at once, and to go to God with the sure confidence that He is waiting to hear what they have to say, always ready to forgive for the sake of Jesus Christ, their Saviour. All training, physical, intellectual, moral and spiritual is directed to an end, and the end that a Christian mother has in view is ♦hat her children shall he faithful servants of God, and useful and happy men and women. But suppose that the training seems to have failed, that the children are not gowing up holy, happy, usetul to th-ir fellow creatures ? Then I think a mother should carefully consider what is the cause of tho failure. Perhaps her example has not corresponded with her teaching. DR. ANDREW COMBE (a writer whose works 1 should like to recommend to mothers) says, “ a mother should endeavourto be herself what she wishes her children to t>e,” and that truth lies at the root of all successful training. If a mother is conscious, as what mother is not, that she has made many mistakes in her training, and that her own example has not been what it ought to have been, let her not be always looking back and lamenting the past, but let her resolutely set herself to repair as far as she can the mistakes she has made. Many of these are, doubtless, irretrievable, and much precious time Das be* u lost, but something may be done in the future, and in conclusion 1 would remind you of the advice given by St. James, “ If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him.” This promise always seems to me exactly what mothers need. To every mother who feels sadly conscious that she has failed in her training or her examp e—perhaps in both—l would say, confess it to God and He will not upbraid you with your past failures and mistakes, but He will give you wisdom for the future if you earnestly ask for it and expect it. Napier, March 2,189 M.