SLAG

Rip It Up, Issue 166, 1 May 1991, Page 32

SLAG

_ GETFUNKY OR GET FUCKED! YUSSIR! . WUH! The RETURN of ELVIS FLAVA-SLAG! And WO! Here AAAAAAAAH am! YUSS! WALKIN' along thuh STREET. Thisis _because AH am STREET-WAAISE. YUS! And hereis MUH bro SPAAAAIKE LEEE. YUSS! Spike is looking FUNKIER foday because heis NOT driving his JIVE-ASSVOLVO | SEDAN. So bein’ FUNKY Ah say YO SPIKE WASS APPENIN MAAAAN! YO SPIKE! YO! PUTCHOUR DIKKIN YO' EAR MAN! WUH! - WUH! WHY AINTCHA AT HOME HITTIN YO WIFEMAN, DONTCHALOVEHEROR _ NUTHIN?? And Ah get intah mah FUNKY MAMA'S HONDA CIVIC and Ah dragacave 50 smoooaooth right down intah LORNE SIREET.YusiWohi @ __Andthere, in LORNE STREETAhgo - DOWNSTAIRS. Woo! Ah GET DOWN, so tah speak! YUS! And there Ah see a certain _FUNKY MILK ADVERTISEMENT DJ _INDIVIDUAL talkin’ so SMOOOOOTH in his DEEP DEEP DEEP VOICE to the GIRLIE . CHICKS. Why, Ah say sometimeshe's talkin’ SO SEXY to the GIRLIES that there is NO SPACE BETWEEN THEIR MOUTHS if you _know what Ah mean. ; '. _ SoELVISFLAVA-SLAGtakesoSTEP

..CLOSERin the hope of PICKIN' UP some. .. SOFISTICKATED CHAT-UP LINES frommuh GRAVELLY-VOICED BRO. And whatare the _ GRAVELLY PICK UPLINES? Why, theyare osbelow 0 _ GRAVELLY VOICED DJ: “Whereaboutsdo _ BEAUTIFUL GIRLIE: “Ponsonby.” anappointment there at 10am tomorrow __ITWAS A CUNNING PLAN BUT IT DID NOT _ WORK. Instead thuh gravelly voiced funky _ milk advertisement D] individual (whose _ ah-dentity hasbeenthoughtfub-ly pro-teciedhastuh GOHOMEwithA DIFFERENT GAL. Yussir. Thismanhos _ APPOINTMENTS ALL OVERTOWN ot 10am _inthuhmornin’, YUSS! Butthuh _ PUNCHLINE is that thuh gravelly-voiced funky milk advertisement Dee Jay mustbe _ SNUCK intuh his DATE'S HOUSE so that her _ PARENTScannof SEEHIM. =~ ASYOUNGASYUHFPEEL =~ MAAAAAAAAAANG YOUNG WOMEN! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! And 'm GLAD. Also GLAD are the SOUL KINGS who ore FISHYRUMBLE. One night the MEN of FISHYRUMBLE are GETTING _ DOWN to ENJOY some SOUL FOOD at THE MEXICAN CAFE. With their SOUL FOOD is _ some SOUL DRINK. At their sides are their _ SOULMATES who are LOVELY and YOUNG |

ROCK CHICKS. But yo! The young rock. chicks are NOT DRINKING. Why so,jive turkey readers? Because THEY ARENOT QUITELEGALLYENTITLEDTO. _ STARTING EVEN YOUNGER DEPARTMENT! Yes another YO! WO! UR! tale from PUTZ PUTZ. One night AFTER THE GIG whenthe STEAMING FLAMING EXPLODING WILD BEASTof ROCKhos beenDOIN ITS THANG the BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MEN of PUTZ PUTZ are planning 1o TAKE SOME YOUNG ROCK CHICKS back JotheWorg, =OOO | BUTWAIL Eater STEVE ‘WALKING PUSSY” MAURICE, the 081-WAN KENOBI ot UNDERAGERAGE TOURS. STEVEmust EXPLAIN to the MEN of PUTZ PUTZ that the

YOUNG ROCK CHICKS they are aboutto take home arelfegally TOO YOUNGtodo ANYTHING with their bodies except KNIT. _ PREGNANT NEWSREADERS! THEYRE EVERYWHERE! LOOK OUT, YOUMAYBE _LIVING WITHONEALREADY! _ ToRESEARCH this phenomenom ELVIS went EAVESDROPPIN' inthuh FUNKY CORRIDORS of 18, the ALL-TIME FUNKY SOUL TRAIN PUT DIRTIN YUH PANTS AND - MAKE IT MUDDY radio network. YUSSIRin between the CROWDS of FUNKY PEOPLE JIVIN' THEMSELVES SICK by the water coolertothe GROOVY SOUNDSof =~ TODAY'S CRAZEE RHYTHMIC VIBRATIONS

thereis anewstalker whoisNOTAS. _ FAMOUS as another newstalker, and the NOT SO FAMOUS NEWSTALKERis saying, QUOTE UNQUOTE: “So, are you goingto marry the girl or is it oing to grow up to be obastordlikeyou..?” * Like that DOES NOT SCORE ALOTona ~ scale of 0- 10 SENSITIVITY MAAN .. Yussir, ~_And YO! Weare GETTIN' DOWN in the FORECOURT of HARBORNE & ARTHUR one day and WHAT, Ah say WHAT, Ah say WHAT WHAT WHAT do we see? YUSSIR! We can see ONE FUNKY BASSPLAYERFROM SUPERGROOVE, But WHAT, A say WHAT in _ thuhname of thuh LORD is he DOIN there? Ishe REWIRING THE LIGHTBULBS on his PANTS?Is he FIXIN' hisself some WILD AFROHAIRDO? Is he PRACTISING the _ NO.Heis NOT. He is ON HIS HANDS AND DISCIPLINARY PUNISHMENT for NOT BEING FUNKY ENOUGH? Or has he just LOST a VERY SMALL CHICKEN? An‘onelastthingbro—Ahwas wonderin’ whay this mag has an editorial slant and then ah realised —it's cos NICK D'EATSOLO is SITTING UP THE FRONT, EHVISRLAVA-SLAG