SMILE RAISERS.

New Zealand Tablet, 5 February 1920, Page 46

SMILE RAISERS.

Schoolmaster: "Jones, spell 'weather.' Jones: "W-e-t-t-h-e-r." • Schoolmaster: "Well, Jones, that's certainly the wettest spell of weather we've had for some time!" "You say you have good references?" "Yes, ma'am. I have over a hundred splendid references." "And how long have you been in domestic service?" "Two years, ma'am." Teacher: "Why did Hannibal cross the Alps, my little man?" Little Man: "For the same reason that the hen crossed the road. Yer don't catch me with no puzzles." The Shopkeeper: "Well, sonny, what do you want to buy to-daytoffee?" The Boy: "You bet I do—but I've got to buy soap." At tho conclusion of the school term prizes' were distributed. When one of the pupils returned home his mother chanced to be entertaining callers. "Well, Charlie," asked one of these, "did you win a prize?" "Not exactly," said Charlie, "but I got a horrible mention."

Wife (at breakfast): "Could I have a little money for shopping to-day, dear?" Husband: "Certainly. Would you rather have an old fiver or a new one?" Wife: "A new one, of course." Husband: "Here's the oneand I'm four pounds to tho good!" "Were any of your boyish ambitions ever realised?" asked Jenkins. "Yes," replied Marksby. "When my mother used to cut my hair I often wished I might be .bald-headed."