The Family Circle

New Zealand Tablet, 30 October 1919, Page 45

The Family Circle

NUTS TO CRACK.

THE CRY OF THE DREAMER.

I am tired of planning and toiling t* In the crowded hives of men; Heart weary -of building - and spoiling. And spoiling and building again. And I long for the dear old river Where I dreamed 5 my youth away; For a dreamer lives for ever And a toiler dies in a day. I am sick of the showy seeming Of a life that is half a lie, Of tho faces lined with f scheming, In the throng that hurries by. From the sleepless thought's endeavor, I would go where the children play; For a dreamer lives for ever, And a toiler dies in a day. I feel no pride, but pity For the burdens the rich endure; There is nothing sweet in the city But the patient lives of the poor. Oh, the little hands so skilful, And the child mind choked with weeds, The daughter's heart grown wilful, And the father's heart that bleeds. No, no! from the street's rude bustle, From trophies of mart and stage, I would fly to tho woods' low rustle, And the meadows' kindly page. Let me dream as of old by the river, And be loved for the dream alway ; For a dreamer lives for ever, And a toiler dies in a day. ~-,. —John Boyle O'Reilly.

THE CATHOLIC WOMAN AND HER RESPONSIBILITY.

After the conferring of honors at the 75th commencement exercises of Mt. St. Joseph's, Dubuque, la. (U.S.A.), Archbishop James J. Keane said "The world of ancient times, with its depraved notions, held woman in the thraldom of a real slavery, but as the light unfolded, a new idea of woman dawned upon the nations and, with hands unshackled, she was set free to make the new civilisation. Very early, the Church turned her solicitous attention to the relief of woman, who in the pagan's time had been held as a mere chattel, and even in the teachings of ancient philosophers was held an inferior being. It was the Church who first corrected the idea and called woman to a position of honor. "Now after 20 centuries of effort, we find woman emerging from the handicap of the past and coming into her own, in large measure. Woman is not called upon to fight the battle of the world; it is not likely that she will ever be called upon to frame a constitution. "You young women are going out from the sanctuary this morning with Christ's blessing upon you. You have been taught to love and appreciate the freedom of women. Had I my will every woman in the world would have equal rights with men in all that concerns the destiny of the generations. Give suffrage to the French women tomorrow and the Peace Conference would close in prayer. Give suffrage to the women of Italy and infidelity would cease to make Christ's Vicar miserable. Give suffrage to the women of America and scandal and " corruption would cease. But all this is in the supposition that woman is true to herself that she loves the ideal and is sensitive to human ill. "I charge you young women to carry away with you these convictions deep within your hearts. Go forth influenced by the principle by which the Church. has set you free. Let not the finger that Christ has loosed ever indite a document against Him, nor your tongue ever speak against .His cause. Know Him Who is the way; love Him Who is your all and the-world will bo better for your influence." " ..,;. ■'•";, :; : • ■*:. - .;

What key is hardest to turn?—A donkey. "' ;- ; ;i , When is money —When it is due in the morning and mist at night. '-^,; ;- ; : ■ What bridge creates the most anxiety suspension bridge. " r v ' ■'""*■'•- -■•-„* . _■.. ■ • S ~ . . ; Why can : a watchmaker never, make 1 a fortune ?—Because his goods always go on tick. *J! : %.„•.' ; Si?llv'

• ‘ What is the most dangerous bat that flies ;in the •. air ? —A brickbat. •■£ ?X, , ’%,?■. ; How long did Cain hate his brother?—As long as he was able. v ; . ; * ■ i .vP - m , Why is the sun like a good loaf ?—Because it’s light when it rises. , 1 ‘ & Why is a camel a most irascible animal ?—Because he always has his back up. ~ . ‘ , What is the difference between a light in a cave and a dance in an inn? —One is a taper in a cavern and the other is a caper in a tavern. - . - ‘ ; When does a man'impose on himself ?—When he taxes his memory, ? - Why cannot a thief easily steal a watch ?—Because he must take it off its guard. ~ “ What should you do if you split your sides with laughter?—Run till you get a stitch in them. Why are gloves unsaleable articles?—Because they are made to be kept on hand. j • H What is that which makes everyone sick but those who swallow it? —Flattery.

MORE SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS.

Mr. Raymond Fuller, who is at the head of the National Child Labor Bureau of New York, supplies the following crop of "howlers," which furnishes some cheerful examples of confused (or rather collision of) ideas in the juvenile mind: "A working drawing is one that pictures a person at work." "A renegade is a man who kills a king." "A lie is an aversion to the truth." (Note the epigrammatic quality here.) "A deacon is tho lowest kind of Christian." "The Salic law is that you must take everything with a grain of salt." "The Pharisees were people who liked to show off their goodness by praying in synonyms." "The Boxers were Corbet*, Fitzsimmons, and Jack Johnson." "A saga was a pitiless warrior but a kind and loving husband." "'A saga was made of wood and brass, held • on the left knee, and played with the right hand." "A brute is an imperfect beast; man is a perfect beast." '■'Bi-monthly means the instalment plan." "An ibex is where you look, in the back part of the book when you want to find anything that is printed in the front part of the book." ' "The Sublime Porte is a good wine." "Adam's ale is a drink that was made early in-human history, in the Garden of Eden." . "Adam's ale is the lump in a man's neck.". "A man who looks on the bright side of things is called an optimist, but a pianist looks on the dark side." "Conscription is what is written on a tombstone." "A hyphenated American is one that talks in short sentences." "The salaries of teachers are paid from the dog tax." "One great modern work of irrigation is the Panama Canal." "In India a man out of a cask may not marry a woman out of another cask." "The cavalry swept over the eyebrow of the hill." "May Day commemorates the landing of the Mayflower." "Modern conveniences: Incubators and fireless telegraphy." "B.Sc. stands for Boy Scout." "The moon rose over the treetops and transfixed the night into day." "The whole of North America speaks English except Chicago and New York." "A Mr. Newton invented gravity with the aid of an apple." "The speaker did not expect iron-clad cheers." "The laws are. made by Lloyd George or else by a policeman." "Things which are impossible are equal , to one another." ,"."'•

SILENCED.

: "Fine day!" observed tho sallow passenger in the tramcar. ■'* ■■.■■-■•■•••'•■ ■■;." "H'm!" was all the man addressed replied, as he went on, reading his paper. \"I say it's a fine day!" ;; '. . ■>;.■'•■ . "Yes." 'r' ■ :;.■'• V ' l - '*> If-' "It won't be long now before cricket is in full swing." "That so?" '■-■:-[/ ;V-.;-7 G-rr .

~ "I. don't know anything about the game myself, but it must be a fine exercise" for-a young "fellow." ■ '? ; "H'ml" />;.;;v ./; ;. r ;,;,,_-._•_, -~::/'t% .' •''" r " V i J "Anything new in the paper, this morning?" "Yes: man killed in a tramcar." "Dear me! ■ How ?" "Talked to death!" . : ':"':", --.J

HAD ENOUGH.

The lecture was drawing to a close. Only ten minutes more of agony remained, and the unfortunate victims were getting decidedly restless. "Now," proceeded the professor, "we have considered all the immortal heroes of Shakesperean tragedy except the renowned Hamlet. And where, I ask, shall we place Hamlet?" The melancholy little man in the back row slowly rose to his feet. "Well," he said, "your friend can have my seat. I'm going."

SMILE RAISERS.

Tommy (at concert): "What's that man got his eyes shut for while he's singing?". Friend: "Because he can't bear to see us suffer." Professor: "How quickly does sound travel?" Student (promptly): "Depends on the sound." Professor: "Explain." Student: "Well, the sound of the dinner bell travels a mile in a minute, while the sound of the rising bell takes two hours to mount two flights of stairs." A Highlander asked at a railway station the price of a ticket to a certain place. The clerk told him. "Hoot awa'," replied Donald; "it's far ower dear. I'd rather walk!" and off he started. He had not proceeded far when the train came tearing along, whistling as it neared a station. "Ye needna whistle for me!" said Donald. "I made ye an offer aince, and ye wadn't tak' it; sae ye can gang on. I'm no comin'." Two Frenchmen met one day, and one said to the other: "As I was coming down the street to-day a young man stopped and said to me, 'Have you a match?' Well, I thanked him very much, and told him I had a boxful, and I also told him it was very considerate of him to ask me, as I might not have had any, then I would not be able to have a cigarette. Then that man stood and looked at me until I turned a corner out of sight. I can't understand these English at all." Applicant: "Can't you help a poor man, sir? I need bread." Philanthropist: "You will have to be a little more explicit. Do you need bread or knead bread? Are you a beggar who loafs or a loafer who begs?" He was fond of bragging about the wonderful echo to be heard on his estate. One day, when expecting friends to dinner, he placed his servant in the wood, with instructions to repeat every word he heard said. ' Imagine the laugh when he called out, "Are you there and the answer came, "Yes, sir, I've been here since one o'clock."