The Family Circle

New Zealand Tablet, 17 April 1913, Page 61

The Family Circle

IN THE MONKEY HOUSE Said a monkey in the Zoo: ' Is there nothing I can do ? I am bored beyond believing, And am even tired of thieving All my neighbors' nuts and cakes ! N My head absolutely aches With the silly conversations Of the people of all nations On the outside of the cage; While it puts me in a rage To hear the stupid creatures Criticise my form and features ; Even of my tail make fun. Don't they wish they each had one ! If they saw themselves as we do, Their conceit, I can assure you, Would be greatly taken down.' Here he stopped for lack of breath. Then a Human, who wore glasses, Chanced to come close to the spot Where this monkey sat reflecting Just as though he saw him not. 'Hideous creature!' said the Human. Then a shriek rang through the air, 'For that monkey snatched his spectacles, A glittering brand-new pair ! Joy reigned within the monkey-house; Its inmates were in fits, Which lasted till those spectacles Were all in tiny bits. THE SAD PLIGHT OF QUEEN VICTORIA Brucie's papa sat at the desk in his office when the telephone bell went ' ting-a-ling-ting.' 'Dear me!' he cried impatiently, 'can't I have one minute's peace?' 'Hello!' he shouted; 'who is it?' ' It's me, papa,' cried a small voice. ' It's Brucie. Come home. Somefin awful's happenin'.' 'What?' asked papa. ' Oh, somefin' awful. I'm bweedin,' an' I'm all alone. I'm terrible fwightened. Come home, papa, kick. It's in here again. Oh-h. Come kick, papa."' i Brucie's plea ended in a shriek, then papa heard a crash, a wild howl, and Brucie's scream. Something awful was happening in the dining-room where the telephone hung. He dashed out of the office. Somebody called, Mr. Wilson,' as he ran down the stairs, but Brucie's papa did not answer. He opened the' door of the wheel room and lifted the first bicycle he saw, then he flew down the crowded street just as fast as the pedals would go round. He dodged in among waggons and in front of trolley carts. Drivers shouted at him, and once a policeman tried to catch him; but he did not even turn his head. At last he caught sight of the little house in the big yard where Brucie lived. It looked very quiet and peaceful. He had expected to find it on fire or tumbled down by an earthquake, but he did not hear even a sound till he opened the front door. His hand shook while he turned the latch with his key. 'What if I am too late to save Brucie?' he thought. He was not, for it was Brucie who came rushing through the hall to meet him. .His.face and hands were covered with scratches, his pinafore was stained with blood, and his yellow curls hung like a mop over his tear-stained eyes. 'Brucie, Brucie!' cried his papa, 'what is the matter V 'lt's Keen Victoria,' said the sobbing little boy. ' Come and see.' He dragged his papa into the kitchen. Something was thumping and yowling. It was Queen Victoria,

the big gray cat. She squeezed her head into an empty salmon tin, and she could not get it out again. She was. rushing about and banging the can against the -.floor or the wall. Brucie's papa felt so relieved that he began to laugh. Then he led Brucie to the sink to sponge off his face and hands. .... Now,' said papa, we will see what we can do for Queen Victoria.' . ■;;•'-■ The frightened old gray cat cried to scratch papa, but she did not succeed. Then he put her between his knees and held her head while he sawed away at the tin with a tin-opener, for he wrapped a towel about her. Poor Queen Victoria screamed wildly, J but Brucie's papa did not mind; and presently off came the old salmon tin. When Queen Victoria was set free, she crawled under the stove and began to smooth her ruffled fur. Brucie cried with joy, and just then mamma came home. Papa and Brucie tried both at once to tell the story, and at last she understood. Dear me,' she said, 'how glad I am there was a telephone in the house and how glad I am that Brucie knew how to use it!' A BOY'S ADVICE Sometimes it takes a boy to put things plainly and tersely. I once heard from the lips of a boy one of the most sensible pieces of advice that I ever heard from any one. I will omit the details of the situation, as it will suffice to say that a question arose one day as to which of two orders should be obeyed, a certain person having received from two in authority slightly different instructions in regard to some work to be done. The matter was of no importance, and it was merely in fun that this perplexed person hesitated between the two orders. But the boy solved the problem, and he could not have done better if it had been the most serious matter in the world. 'Mind the highest boss!' he called out, hearty of voice and lusty of lung. Mind the highest boss, and you'll always keep out of trouble.' Many a time these words have come into my mind. Are they not worth remembering? They will fit many occasions and help us in many decisions in life. Above all, they should admonish us to mind God in preference to all others. SOMEBODY'S GRANDFATHER Who does not love the boy who shows respect for old age ? Recently, in one of the waiting-rooms in the depot of a large city, there entered a bright-faced boy, leading by the arm a man with snow-white hair. The latter was old and trembling, and looked around him most fearfully. The boy escorted him to a seat, and placed the basket and bundle he had been. carrying on the floor beside him. Then, with a word or two, he went away. Pie returned presently with a porter, to whom he spoke some words about the one sitting down. Then, with a hearty handshake, accompanied by a bright smile, he started in the direction of the door. A gentleman going out at the same time, who had witnessed the advent of the boy and the old man, said, as the door was reached: ' Your grandfather, I suppose ? Going on a journey V ' Not mine, but somebody's grandfather,' was the reply given with a little laugh. ' Poor old gentleman ! I found him on the corner as I was going to school. He had lost his way to the depot, and was in trouble. He's going to his daughter's in the suburbs. I wish I had time to put him on the train, but I should have been late for school if I had waited, so I gave him into the porter's hands.' ' That was very right and kind of you,' the gentleman said, with an appreciative look that made the blood surge to the boy's face; but the latter only said, ' Thank you, sir.'

BOTH CORRECT A Detroit woman who teaches a mission class of boys was explaining to them one day the peculiarities of English spelling. She called attention to the difference between lead the metal and lead the verb, and the children grasped the point instantly. Then she took the two words weak and week. She explained the difference in the meaning and use to the tots, then called up Israel Sugenheimer, aged five, to use the word ' weak' in a phrase. The little fellow thought a moment, then answered: 'A weak old woman.' The teacher nodded, her approval and smiled into the eyes upturned to hers. 'Now, Jerry Ryan,' she said, turning to another little boy, 'you take the word "week" and use it in a phrase.' Jerry thought a minute, and then he, too, replied: 'A week old baby.' A HINT TO THE ENGLISHMEN At the battle of Trafalgar two Scots, messmates and cronies from the same village, happened to be stationed near each other when the celebrated signal was displayed from the Admiral's -ship. Look up and read, Jock,' said one to the other. '"England expects every man to do his duty"—not a word for puir auld Scotland!' Jock cocked his eye at the flags and turned to his crony. 'Man, Geordie, is that a' your sense?' he asked. ' Scotland kens well enough that her bairns will do their duty; that's just a hint to the Englishmen.' THE IGNORANCE OF THE COURT Judge M. W. Pinchney at a recent banquet recalled 'an incident to show that there is some humor associated with such a serious thing as the law. In Dawson City a colored man, Sam Jones by name, was on trial for felony. The judge asked Sam if he desired the appointment of a lawyer to defend him. 'No, sah,' said Sam. ' I'se gwine to throw myself on the ignorance of the cote.' THE CANVAS WAS SPOILED It was in the auction-room, and an imposing canvas, fully described in the catalogue, was put up. 'Now, gentlemen,' said the knight of the, hammer, 'how much for this oil painting of the dogs'?' After a prolonged silence, one buyer replied: 'A shilling.' 'A shilling!' repeated the auctioneer, in tones of amazement, ' Why, sir, the canvas is worth that!' * Yes,' answered the bidder with a smile, ' but the canvas is spoilt.' A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE Tommy, on coming home from school one day, said to his mother, ' Mamma, there's a new boy at our school called Policeman." ' 'Nay, surely not,' said his mamma. ■ 'Yes, mamma, there is,' answered Tommy, quite confidently. Then, after the lapse of about half an hour, he called, 'Oh, no, mamma, it's not Policeman, it's Bobby.' A MYSTERIOUS ANIMAL Visitor (after reading letter from absent son): ' And what will you do with the striped kimono your son says he is sending home?' Rustic Mother: 'No wonder you ask, missie. I suppose I'll just have to keep it chained up in the backyard, or put it in one of the pig-styes; but what I shall feed it on goodness only knows.' ' THE REQUIRED NOTICE t Park Keeper (politely, to stout lady occupying about three-fourths of a new seat): ' Pardon me, madam, but would you mind getting up a moment?' Stout Lady (indignantly): 'Whatever for?'

Park Keeper: 'Much as it distresses me to disturb a lady, madam, I must do my duty. I have orders to affix this "wet paint" notice.' And then the stout old lady found she couldn't get up. A TACTFUL CONDUCTOR A rising composer wrote an anthem for a, celebration in a certain colonial capital. Towards the end of the ceremonies,, when the people were going out a few at a time, the author rushed to the conductor and said :'ls it over?' ' Practically.' ' But, great Scott, man, they have not sung my anthem!' 'Well,' said the conductor, ' so long as the people are going out peacefully and quietly, why sing "it at all?' TO EXETER HALL It requires a recollection of the old Exeter Hall, before it was transformed into 'Lyons',' to appreciate the full flavor of this story of King Edward. While, as Prince of Wales, he was at Oxford, he made an unsuccessful endeavour to go up to London from Oxford without his suite or his tutors being any the wiser. When he arrived at Paddington, and, to his annoyance, found himself met by a Royal carriage and pair, King Edward saw the humor of the situation, and, on being asked where he wished to be driven, gravely answered 'To Exeter Hall.' THE RETORT UNCOURTEOUS Lord Erskine was, at the age of twenty, a teacher of Latin in Edinburgh University. On one occasion, alter his elevation to the Bench, a young lawyer, in arguing a case before him, used a false Latin quantity, whereupon his lordship said, with a good-natured smile: ' Are you sure, sir, you are correct in your quantity there The young counsel, nettled at the query, retorted petulantly: My lord, I never was a schoolmaster.' 'No,' answered the judge, 'nor, I think, a scholar either.' ANOTHER RELATIVE The conductor of a western freight-train saw a tramp stealing a ride on one of the forward cars. He told a brakeman in the caboose to go up and put the man off at the first stop. When the brakeman approached the tramp, the latter waved a big revolver and told him to get away. 'Did you get rid of him?' the conductor asked when the train was under motion again. ' I hadn't the heart,' was the reply. 'He turned out to be an old school friend of mine.' ' I'll take care of him,' said the conductor as he started over the tops of the cars. When the train had again started the brakeman came and said: 'Well, is he off?' ' No, he turned out to be an old school friend of mine, too!' replied the conductor. FAMILY FUN A Cigarette Paper Trick.—A cigarette paper is torn into a number of pieces. These, upon being rubbed together, become whole again. To perform this the performer must have a cigarette paper, rolled up very small, between the fork of his first and second fingers. When he tears the borrowed cigarette paper up it is as easy matter to change the little ball of pieces for the whole one. When the paper has been shown restored it can be rolled up again and the pieces with it. The whole may then be flicked into the fire.