All Sorts

New Zealand Tablet, 15 December 1910, Page 2082

All Sorts

Opportunity knocks but once. Other knockers please copy. There are people who believe everything they hear, and a lot they don't. Old Smoker: After all, the best pipe is a clay pipe. When you drop it you never have to pick it up.' The proprietor of a motor-bus in London has to comply with over sixty conditions before he can get a license. Only twenty of every hundred candidates for the London police force are successful in passing the entrance examination. Army officers in Germany get reductions on railway and theatre tickets, and take precedence of all civilians at any social function. A cablegram has been sent from China to London, and a reply received in seven minutes. The double distance is over 25,000 miles. Railway passenger travelling is cheaper in Hungary than in any other place in Europe. The fares there are about one-third the fares in the United Kingdom. Disgusted Angler (emptying his bait into the stream): •' Hanged if I'll wait on you any longer. Here Help yourselves.' ' Imitation may be de sincerest flattery,' said Uncle Eben, 'but dat doesn't make counterfeit money any mo' acceptable.' 'What is meant by the "rule of three," pa?' ' When a man, his, wife, and her mother try to run things together.' Mexicans have a nice, delicate way of sayino- even unpleasant things. A young Mexican lady, talking with a prisoner in the penitentiary, politely asked: 'How long do you expect to be away from home?' Canada has no Sunday papers. But the American Sunday papers—some of which are already on the streets on Saturday night—are widely circulated in Canada. A Canadian journal declares that the American Sunday paper with its hideous and debasing colored supplement is a veritable yellow plague. Anxious Passenger (waiting for his boat at the end of the pier): 'I say, my man, is that boat going up or down?' Pier Loafer: 'Well, guv'nor, I really can't say. She s a leaky old tub, so she may be going down. But then, her b'ilers ain't none too good, so I shouldn't be surprised it she suddenly went up.' It may not be generally known that the term 'Alma Mater, which is universally applied to colleges and universities where men receive their scholastic training is of purely Catholic origin. It has its source at the University ° • » 111 , 1 ' and drew lts inspiration from the beautifullychiselled statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary— as the Alma Mater—placed over the principal portal of that celebrated seat of learning. A Chinese laundryman in Wellington recently had his troubles with a • watch that habitaully lost time. So he took the timepiece to the nearest watchmaker 'Watchee no good to Charlie Lee,' said he briefly pushing it across the counter. 'You fixee him eh 5 ' 'Certainly' said the watchmaker. 'What seems'to be the matter with it?'

'Oh, him too muchee by V by,' said. Charlie Lee. 'He has such nice manners,' some one said of the bov who had just gone. ' I always like to meet him.' ' Thev are not just company manners," either,' said the other with a laugh. He is just as nice at home, every dav as you saw him then. I think I can tell the secret of' it too. He is as good as his manners. No one can reallv have good manners without a solid foundation of kindness and thoughtfulness, and a sincere desire to please and oblige others.' l

A peculiar condition relative to the press obtains in Switzerland that is to be found in no other countrv n Europe, and that is the fact that papers and periodicals are printed in four languages— French Italian and Romansch. The fact that Switzerland has no national language and that it is influenced in language and customs by the several countries with which it Xt surrounded produces the result that many Swiss speak two or more languages. The territory comprising the Confederation being small the people of all sections of the country are brought into frequent contact with each other and the further fact that the papers are printed in different languages is almost a necessity. uiireient