All Sorts

New Zealand Tablet, 26 November 1908, Page 38

All Sorts

A wren in the hand is better tfian a crane out of it. The end of a feast is better than the beginning of a quarrel. An official return states that over 180,000 children are ' being {aught Irish in the primary schools of Ireland. ' Mamma, why do so many ladies cry at a wedding?' ' Because most of them are married themselves. 1 It is a revelation to the visitor on his first crossing to Ire-« land (says the London Tattler) to find there a system of tourist traffic organised by native enterprise creditable to any country. Indian ' snake statistics ' for 1907 show that the total cf deaths from snakebite fell in that year to 21,418, the lowest figure since 1897. Mr. Mclnnes, the freight traffic manager of the Canadian Pacific Railway, estimates the value of the wheat, oats, and barley crops in the Dominion at 000,000. Timid passenger — ' Do you eyer lose people in the river? ' Boatman — ' Bless yer 'art, no, mum. We always finds them in a week or so ! ' Bagwig — ' What was the greatest trial you ever presided over, my lord? ' His Lordship — ' Bringing up ten daughters, sir.' The total immigration into Canada for the first eight months of this year was 117,533, as compared with 216,772 in the same period of 1907. Immigration from the United States totalled 40,964. Nellie, aged five, had her photograph taken recently, and when the proof was sent home her mother said she looked too solemn, and asked why she didn't smile. ' I did smile, mamma,* said Nellie, ' but I guess the man forgot to put it down.' A parent was examining his first-grade hopeful in geography. ' What is land with water all around it called? ' 'An island. ' ' Then what is water with land all around it ? ' After a pause : ' A puddle. ' The only time that a man feels ashamed of a kind action - is when he is chasing another man's hat that is blowing alon.* in the wind at thirty miles an hour with an interested crowd of observers on either side of the way offering him facetious advice. •. The Dentist — Now, open wide your mouth and I won't hurt you a bit. The Patient (after the extraction) — Doctor, I know what Ananias did for a living now. A "circular of information given to purchasers of infants' patent feeding bottles contains this advice : ' When the baby is done drinking it must be unscrewed and put in a cold place under a tap. If the baby does not thrive on fresh milk it must be boiled.' Tailor — ' There, now. That suit certainly fits you perfectly.' Customer — ' Yes, indeed ; you may safely feel proud of that. It's a credit to you.' Tailor — ' Well — cr — yes ; and £ hope you won't forget that it's a debit to you.' An Irishman walking in one of the streets of Dublin saw a man leading a dog on the opposite side of the street. He got rather interested in the dog, and, crossing the street, he touched the man on the shoulder and said : ' Would ye mind telling me the breed of that dog? ' The man, who happened to be in a bad temper, turned round, and, looking at the Irishman, said : ' Yes, it's between a monkey and an Irishman.' 1 Sure, said Pat, ' it's related to both of us.' An interesting tabular statement has been published by -the London County Council dealing with the debts of towns with 3 population of over 250,000. It is worth noting that the rateable value of London per head of population is and this is only approached by Edinburgh -with per head, the. lowest being Dublin with per head. London's debt is given as Manchester has^adebt of Glasgow Birmingham j£i 6,986,000, Liverpool, , and Leeds The .total debt per head -of population in London is 9s 3d, but this high figure is exceeded ty Manchester . with 13s 6, Birmingham with 5s Bd, 'Bradford with £,2& 15s iod, and- Leeds with 17s 1 ' Bd.