All Sorts

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXXVI, Issue 3, 30 January 1908, Page 38

All Sorts

Village, Schoolmaster (explaining ' biped and * quadruped') : ' Now, Jones, what is the difference Vetween me and a pig ?' Jones : ' Couldn't tell you, sir..' Some trees are much more liable to be struck sby ' lightning, than others. Thus the oak and the elm are often, struck and destroyed ; but the ash is rarely struck, and the beech, it is said, never. Maid : « How is it, madam, that, although you receive a great number of persons, all ugly, you always , say you are glad to see them ?' Madam : ' But it is quite" true. Do you think I should like to be blind?' All over the world there are 562,436 miLs of railway lines now open. -America, with its v.ast territory, has 285,781 miles, and Europe is a poor second with 193,133 miles. The largest orchards in the world are at Werder, near Berlin. . They extend without a break to about 13,000 acres. They yield about 48,000 tons of apples and pears every year. • Gentlemen^ of the jury,' said the ' prosecuting barrister, ' this prisoner is. an unmitigated scoundrel ;i he acknowledges it. And yet, thanks to th& wisdom of the common law, he has been^gi/en a fair trial by a jury 'of his peers. '^The prisoner was acquitted. The Mastership of the Horse is the most coveted office in the King's Household. The salary is £2500, a year, and there are some valuable privileges and perquisites, including the use of the Royal horses and carriages, with the attendance of the servants belonging to the same. The .custom of inscribing upon tombstones was in vogue among the Greeks and Romans. The Greeks only did this, however, in the case of their illustrious men, but when a Roman died he' was duly buried near a highway, and on his tombstone was carved a suitable inscription, which in the majority of cases began with 1 Sta, viator ' (stop traveller). The danger- of sending telegrams is- shown in the following story. A member of Parliament was to hay« made a speech at Derby, and being unable to do -so because the heavy rains had destroyed the branch railway, sent a telegram as follows : '„ Cannot come. Wash out on line.' In a few hours the reply came : ' Never mind. Borrow a shirt.' Ben Butler, the Massachusetts lawyer, who was Governor of the State for a term, was a terror and torment to the judges. On one occasion Judge Sanger, ha- . ving been bullied and badgered out of all patience, petulantly asked •:— ' What does the counsel suppose . I am on this Bench for ?' Scratching his head a minute, Butler replied, ' Well, I confess your Honor's got me there.' 0 Everybody J:nows one or more of those conscientious egotists who cannot rid themselves of the idea that no one can be trusted to carry out the simplest details of routine work without their personal supenision. It was one of these men who sailed for America, lea\ing in his brother's care a parrot of which he was very fond. All the way across the Atlantic he -worried at- out the bird, and no sooner had he landed at New York than he sent over this cablegram to ' his " brother :: — l Be sure and feed parrot.' And the brother cabled back.:— 'Have fed him but he is hungry again. What-shall I do next ?' The young wife gazed sweetly' into her husband's eyes,. 'James,' she began, 'you know how I have been scraping and saving all the winter for my new • summer costume J' ' Yes,' said the man ; 'I know. 1 ' Well,' she went on, ' I've decided *on it now. Tt is to be made of pale green broadcloth,- and- it will cost seven guineas. I want you to help me' a little.' ' How much do you need ?' the husband inquired, warily. 'I've got it all*but seven pounds.' t * The -original manuscript of fourteen cf the compositions, of Paganini, the- celebrated violinist, has- been discovered among the archives of the Perugia municipality, an* among them is the manuscript of the famous third concerto, which is considered one of Pae-an'ni's finest works. Mr. Russpll. an English banter has of- - fered £12,000 for five of ths Pieces, and Mr.' Piemont Morgan, who wants ten of them, his offerod £40 000 for his share. Si"nor Rava. the Italian Minister of ' Finance, has forbidden the Perugia municipality to a~cent the offers, as the Ttaiian Government wishes to~ac«uire the manuscript itself.