ODDS AND ENDS

New Zealand Tablet, 30 August 1906, Page 38

ODDS AND ENDS

Nobody wants to be a nobody, Which sounds rather queer. But why ? Because its a rational statement Which nobody will deny

Pat : ' What be yer charge for a funeral notice in yer paper ? ' Editor : ' Haifa-crown an inch. 1 Pat : ' Good heavms ! An' me poor brother was Oft high.'

It is not always the clever boy at school who succeeds later in life, the lace is more often with the plodder. Sir Walter Scott was a dunce at school ; Hume's mother spoke of him as ' uncommon. weak-min-ded ' ; Chatterton, as a child, was describod by his motfier as ' little better tlran an absolute fool ' ; Cardinal Wiseman, as a boy, was ' dull and stupid ' ; Goldsmith was so ' thick-headed ' that his teachers despaired of doing anything uith him ; and Wellington was by common consent the ' dunce of the family.'

The elite of the towiibhip were recently gathered in the local schoohooni to enjoy some tableaux vivants by local performers. The curtain had just fallen an a really creditable picture of the deat-h of Nelson, shown to slow music, when one who was known to be a friend of the gentleman representing the greatest naval hero rose aaid tried to make his way towards the stage. ' Keep 3'our scats, please,' said the stage manager. ' We're much obliged for youi kind applause, ladies ami gentlemen, and we're going to give you the death of Nelson over again.' 1 Oh, aie yer ? ' came from the hero's friend. ' Then if you'll tell iNielson 'is kitchen chimley's afire, p'lhaps 'c won't die so blessed lingerin'.'