A 'Humble Petition '

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXXIV, Issue 17, 26 April 1906, Page 1

A 'Humble Petition '

Some ' men and women of New Zealand ' are once more going the rounds soliciting signatures for the customary ' humble petition ' to Parliament for the inspectioo of convents ' by officers appointed by the. Government./ In Dune-din the petition (a copy of which is fcefore us) is being hawked around by sundry women— of both sexes, and of saffron hue. In due course the roll will be trundled into Parliament, dumped before an unsympathetic or sarcastic House, and then consigned to the corporation tip or the paper-mill. And the world will wag on as merrily and as sadly as before. The saffron pup must barn o' nights cnce iv a way, to scare the Pope from stealing the moon out of the sky. As to the periodical petition : well, it advertises the progress our conventual institutions are making ; it affords Catholics and intelligent Protestants an opportunity for sc me wholesome, diaphragm-shaking laughter ; it probably pleases our friends from beyond the Boyne— and their spiritual kinsfolk of J\ew Zealand birth ; and (in some cryptic way that benighted ' Papishes ' know not) it may even fortify the walls of Derry, and strengthen the Glorious, Pious, and Immortal Memory. * Billings was once daring enough to suggest a little more consistency to a neighbor of his who ' made a bizness of sarving the Lord.' ' Sarve Him,' said the Philosopher, ' when you measure out my onions as well as when you holler : " Glory, hallelujer ! " ' We might, In a similar way, suggest to our excitable friends who 4 make a bizness ' of fighting women with squirts of assafoetida, that they might be a little more consistent in their favorite ' divarshun.' They propose to set aside the good old principle that an Englishman's (or Englishwoman's) house is his (or her) castle. Why not push their scheme to i-ts logical completion, and have the residence cf every Anglican nun, Presbyterian deaconess, and Methodist Sister ; every parsonage and manse ; every private dwelling ; every meeting-place of clubj class, lodge,, or society, inspected ' by officers appointed by the Government ' ? It might be unpleasant for. those who engineered this petition if ' officers appointed by the Government ' were to inspect periodically the brooks and proceedings o! the lodges. And • things ' miyht happen \if detectives were deputed to witness and report upon the branding, ' goat '-riding, 4 Jacob s-ladder '-climbing, and the rest of the barbarous tomfooleries, semi-nudities, and coarse horse-play of the

' two-and-a-half-degree,' that have from time to time (as at Motherwell) resulted in the mutilation or death of candidates for initiation. It would be rather awkward, seeing that the brethren have consistently defied courts of law, and even the majesty of Parliament, rather than allow the precious secrets of the lodge-room to be known to ' officers appointed by the Government.' But a plague upon inconvenience ! And ho ! for consistency lin excelsis ' ! Let the petitioners extend their ' humble ' prayer to its logical issue. They would ithen, indeed, be rankj obscurantists and promoters of an odious tyranny. But they would at least be consistent —these servants of the Lord would no longer (in this matter at least 1 ) lie open to the imputation of having, so to speak (like the hypocritical grocer), one measure •when they \ sell onions, and another when they sing : ' Glory, hallelujer I '