In Lighter Vein

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXX, Issue 10, 6 March 1902, Page 18

In Lighter Vein

(By 'Quip.') *•• Correspondence, newspaper cuttings, etc., intended for this department should be addressed ' Qdip,' N.Z. Tablet Office, Dunedin and should reach this office on or before Monday morning.

• There's nothing like a little judicious levity.' ,_. R. L. Stevenson. That Coronation Robe. I shouldn't be surprised if, after all, Mr. Seddon turns out not to be the chief figure at the King's Coronation. Unless he wishes to be outshone by a new Flora McFlimsey, he will have to borrow all Sir J. G.s gold lace, and ornament his three acres of chest with all the war medals he can persuade the Veterans to lend him. The lady referred to is a member of the United States ' huppah suckles,' and she is simply going to knock spots off everything at the Coronation by appearing in a dress that is to cost £250,000. Her husband is going with her in a two-guinea sac suit, warranted to wash. She must be what the boys call a ' bonzer.' But even if she were as obese as a member of the Chang Giant Family in good condition, or if she were twice the size of Ghuni Sah, the circus elephant, and bolstered herself up after the fashion of Tweedledum and Tweedledee in Alice's adventures, I still fail to see where and how she could crowd on £250,000 worth of rag— or sail. ' For all manner of things that a woman can put On the crown of her head or the sole of her foot, Or wrap round her shoulders, or fit round her waist, Or that can be sewed on, or pinned on, or laced, Or tied with a string, or stitched on with a bow, In front or behind, above or below,' could hardly cost a quarter of a million.

How it Works Out. I have just read over the detailed description of this amazing sartorial dream, and have, on second thonghts, come to the conclusion that, after all, it is worth the money, as well as I can remember, it is a stylish tailor-made costume of electric blue chiffon and dark-red applique, tucked up every few yards with scarlet toile boleros. Two moire antiques, slightly pouched with ruffles, and stylishly dadoed with golden daffydowndillies, hang down from the off -shoulder and are caught by a transparent yoke of draped fichu around the bottom of the skirt. The skirt itself is laced tulle, in skim-milk blue, enlivened here and there with chines and toques in yellow. Around the waist is a row of foulards and pom-poms (the latter specially imported from the Transvaal), and on the starboard side is an accordeon-pleated tuck of grenadine guipure, edged with four-and-twenty revers all in a row.

I may be wrong in one or two points. My lady readers will, however, overlook these, as this is merely a rough description, from memory, of the bit of quarter-million upholstery. I give it here for two reasona : firstly, that my fair readers may know what they will have to compete with if they go to the Coronation ; and secondly, that the men may know what to get when they wish to give their wives a little present.

Our Last Seance. Corney Ryan is an old digger who made his little pile long ago on the ' Dunskin.' He is at present living on White Island and his money. Last week the Island received a visit from one of those long-haired, wild-eyed, ungrammatioal fellows, yoleped mediums,

who go about the country disturbing the peace of cemeteries raking ghosts out of the graves at all kinds of inconvenient and ridiculous hours to answer all kinds of foolish quesbioa s at so much per question. Corney flatters himself with being a good Catholic. But Btung by curiosity and egged on by idleness, he lapsed into folly last week and attended one of the long-haired fraud's seances. After three or four 'dear departed' had informed their inquiring friends, with sweet indefiniteness, that they were quite 'appy, that the climate was temperate, and the company 'fair to middiin',' eto.> Corney stood up and called for the 'sperret' of one John.Tobin, a 1 townee ' of his from th' Ould Sod who was a 'smiddy ' in the good old days in Central Ofcago. John, when ' Galled up ' must have been at the bank or at a committee meeting or in 3ome other inconvenient place. At last the periwig-pated fellow on the stage announced that the carbonic acid gas— or whatever it was that con. Btituted John Tobin's invisible ghost— was present and ready to be interrogated. Corney began : ' Ye're dead, ain't ye, John 1 ' ' I ham,' came in sepulchral tones out of the darkness. ' It was a fine berrin' the Crummle people gey ye, John 1 ' • It wuz a reg'ler slap-hup haffair, 1 replied John. 1 An' I suppose ye're plazed intirely wid the headstone they've put to y'r grave, John 1 ' 1 It's a wery fine one, and I'm wery thankful for it. 1 ' Well, John, me bouchail, ye were a liar livin', an' ye're a liar dead. I was in Crummle last week an' divil the bit of a headstone ye have, and divil the sign of a one ye're likely to get.' After that the ghosts got their vapory backs up and the seance came to an abrupt and inglorious conclusion. The ' mop-head ' intended to remain a week on the Island, but he discovered that he had important engagements to fulfil on the mainland. And he went to fulfil them.

An Errant Sun. The Paris Figaro (so say our daily papars) publishes a telegram from San Francisco stating that the astronomers at the Lick Observatory have discovered a sun travelling at the rate of 56,250 miles an hour. It is a very strange coincidence, but this is the precise rate at which the ouly son of my father used to travel home from school. His pace when sneaking like a snail unwillingly to school was one mile in 56,250 hours. The Lick astronomers are certain about the pace of this new sun because the man that sweeps out the Observatory went up and measured it with a bit of string. This same official also watched its directioa. He says that it is romping along towards the earth, but he is unable to tell, within a thousand or two of years, when it will be here. But don't let that discourage you. You will be made aware of its arrival when it does come. Meanwhile do not leave anything breakable where it is likely to fall off, as there may be a bit of a bump, and try and perBuade your wife's mother to sit regularly in the shade of any tall and shaky chimney that you have about the premises.