THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1902. ' MISSIONARY TALES.' The New Zealand TABLET

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXX, Issue 7, 13 February 1902, Page 17

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1902. ' MISSIONARY TALES. '

The New Zealand TABLET

* To promote the cause of Religion and Justice by the wayb of Truth and Peace? Leo XIII. to the N.Z. Tablet.

§HE Rev. Dr. G rattan Guinness is at present • starring ' New Zealand with a magic-lantern show. The object of his tour is, we underjl>\* hl stanc *> to ra i se funds for evangelistic enterprise "SJtsSSk amon g the ' paganised Romans 'or the ' RomanlSed P a^ ans ' ( the Doctor's terminology is * W T not y efc finally decided) in South America— > j perhaps in connection with the missionary institute in East London which is conducted by the members of his own family. We have, of course, no objection whatever to the purpose of the Rev Doctor s lectures. But we confess that we were unprepared for the venemous outburst which— according to a report that an Oamaru paper thought fit to publish— formed the staple of a combined lecture and appeal for funds delivered by this ' undenominational evangelist ' in dealing with the Catholics of far Peru. A record of labors done, of difficul-

ties overcome or patiently endured, of success achieved, of plans or hopes for the future — all these form a fair ground of appeal to the pockets of the public in aid of missionary endeavor. But of all this, Dr. Grattan Guinness, as reported in the Oamaru paper, seems to have had little or nothing to say. And for a good reason : fur the barrenness of nonCatholic missionary effort in South America is notorious. In Peru, for instance, at the last census, there were only 5087 Protestants, all, or nearly all, English-speaking persons. Non-Catholic missionary effort seems to have been a complete failure among the native and mixed races, who, after three and a half centuries of Spanish occupation, number no less than 80 per cent, of the entire population. In the apparent absence of such legitimate pleas for pence as have been indicated above, Dr. Grattan Guinness seem 3to have relied for effect, in his talk on Peru, upon a torrent of fierce, calumnious no- Popery invective. Of another collector for the foreign mission field it was said that he wound up his appeals with ' a fling at the abominations of Popery, a stirring whoop, and then — the hat went round.' If we are to judge by oar Oamaru contemporary's report of Dr. Grattan Guinness's shriek about Peru, he seems to be conducting his money-raising tour rather with the instincts of the penny showman than in the spirit of the true missionary. At frequent intervals he wrought up his audience to a pitch of excitement with suggestive or sensational and calumnious attacks on the faith and morals of Catholics, and then — 'The Hat Went Round.' d * In all probability Dr. Grattan Guinness relies on mere | missionary tales ' for his slanders on the Catholic Church in Peru. He appears to be bountifully endowed with the infantile credulity or verdant gullibility which accepts as gospel the adventures of Sindbad the Sailor or the story of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. At this hour of the day it is like slaying the slain to touch at length upon the thorough-paced untrustworthiness v of ' missionary tales.' Among well-informed Protestants they occupy a position akin to that which ' fish stories ' and ' snake yarns ' hold in the popular estimation. In our last issue we pointed out, on the authority of a number of eminent lay and clerical Protestant writers and on the official evidence of Protestant missionary societies, the notorious unreliability of the average 'missionary tale.' We saw, on the testimony of the same high and well-informed authorities, that < the average missionary does not command confidence'; that he is inordinately given to ' exaggerations,' < fallacies,' ' inaccuracies,' and ' embellisbment ' of his experiences ; that ' uncorroborated missionary's evidence is scarcely considered evidence at all ' by those of his own faith who know his ways ; that ' there aie grave scandals connected with our missionary reports,' which are described as ' the advertisements of money-making societies ' and adddressedto constituents ' who ' (sajs the veteran Protestant missionary, Dr. Cust) ' are as greedy of sensations as they are credulous of prodigies.' The same venerable evangeliser, after fifty years' experience, declared with disgust, in his Missionary Methods, that ' it requires great determination and a strong stomach' to wade through the usual missionary reports, and this on account of their wholesale unreliability, their ' abuse of the Church of Kome,' and their never-ending ding-don°- for money, money, money— 1 for more money and more men and women.' There is no need for us to thresh that old straw over again. Missionaries whose co-religionists cannot trust them to speak the truth regarding the facts of their own personal experience can scarcely be expected to tell a plain, unvarnished tale regarding a great rival religious organisation in a foreign land, when — as recent controversies have overwhelmingly shown — their standardbearers at our own doors are hopelessly ignorant of even the elementary knowledge of her doctrines and practices which may be acquired by the perusal of a child's penny catechism in their own tongue. Still less can 'uncorroborated missionary's evidence ' be accepted when it damns the members of that rival creed with the stigma of gross, phenomenal, and diabolical infamy. And especially does distrust of the already discredited ' missionary tale ' become a duty when (as our Oamaru contemporary testifies) not a

scrap of proof is adduced to sustain such charges — nay, more, when names, dates, and all circumstances that could furnish a clue for investigation are withheld or smothered up in a way that is significant to the last degreee.

Mexico was long a favorite scene for the setting ot ' missionary tales.' But that field has been worked out, thanks to the sensational exposure of myths like that of of Rider Haggard by the Catholic Truth Society, and to the books and magazine and newspaper articles of travelled Protestants who do not believe that any honorable cause is advanced by a resort to lying. Missionary ' snake yarns ' like that of the ' walled-up nun,' the ' raffle for souls,' etc., have met with such prompt and public exposure that Mexico is no longer a safe country for the pious myth-monger. He has, therefore, had to go farther afield. The Argentine Republic has of late years exported, along with its frozen mutton and green skins, a few really admirable specimens of the 'missionary tale.' The latest of these was manufactured, baled, packed, and exported by one of the agents of the Bible Society. It described how the Indians of the Chaco were ' united to the Eoman Catholic Church ' by a series of solemn tomfooleries almost sufficiently absurd for initiation to the ' two-and-a-half ' degree in an Orange lodge. We put ourselves in communication with the civil, military, and religious authorities of the Chaco, and our exposure of that disgraceful fabrication received so widespread a publication that the trade in ' missionary tales ' from Argentina seems to have been checked for a time. The South American head-quarters of the no-Popery variety of the ' missionary tale ' have been chased around like the gambling hells of Europe. They seem to have been lately transferred to Peru. And the credulous Rev. Grattan Guinness has apparently been furnished by sundry pious Munchausens there with some of the most grotesque specimens of their handiwork to add to the attractions of his magic-lantern show. Some of the ' missionary tales ' he asked his Oamaru audience to swallow were certainly mighty mouthfuls. But the race of gobemonches and sword-eaters and dinner-plate-swallowers is not yet extinct in the land. And so our visitor worked off his sensational no-Popery ' tales from a far-off land,' and sent down the spines of his audience ' thrills ' and spasms and shudders that were dirt cheap at sixpence to half-a-crown each, according to the intensity of the shock. And then — 'The Hat Went Round.'

As stated in the Oamaru report, no attempt was made by this itinerant cleric to substantiate any of the evil tales which he told to the discredit of the Catholic body in faroff Pern. On the contrary, the 'missionary tales' that he retails are notable for the seemingly elaborate care with which the path to investigation is blocked at every point. In the circumstances, it is sufficient to meet Dr. Grattan Guinness's gratuitous assertions with gratuitous denials and to challenge him for detailed evidence. For the rest, there hang over the venemous tales told in Oamaru the rankling suspicion and distrust that, for -good and wellknown reasons which we have briefly indicated, hover like a ghost of Ananias over the average ' missionary tale.' One of the most absurd of the itinerant Doctor's stories may be referred to here. It is the familiar old gag about the ' spiriting away 'of a '.convert.' The ' convert ' in the present case was (we are told) a monk. He was a sort of abstraction — had no name, lived at no specific time, inhabited no particular monastery, was ' converted ' by one of the missionaries, but — unhappy man ! — he was * spirited away' and has never been seen to this day! We are told that this part of the magic lantern show was 'thrilling,' and, no doubt, 'The Hat Went Round.'

But we had almost forgotten. A photograph of the nameless Vanisher was exhibited. And a photograph of an alleged ' ex-monk ' or an 'ex-nun' is, of course, 'confirmation strong as proof of Holy Writ ' of the truth of the story

that it told regarding the original. But oar readers are aware that the sham ' ex-monk ' and gaol-bird Nobbs {alias Widdows) and the female imposter that lately toured this Colony under the title of ' Mrs. Slattery,' also exhibit — and sell — photographs of themselves ' robed in the uniform of the Order ' to which those wretched imposters never belonged. And if Dr. Grattan Guinness calls to this office our contributor, ' Quip,' undertakes to exhibit to him a photograph of the ' brig ' where Tarn o'Shanter had his weird midnight adventures and another of the cow that jumped over the moon. It is really about time to accord an extended holiday to the old and musty Sunday-school ' yarn ' about the ' convert ' or intending ' convert ' from ' Popery ' who is ' spirited away ' and has never been seen to this day. The only real and genuine cases of the kind were two. One was, in November, 1896, told by the Bishop of Marlborough, was cabled to these colonies a few years ago, and created a splendid sensation. But the sensation lasted only twenty-four hours, then ended ' in the snapping of a gun,' and caused much laughter at the expense of Him of Marlborough. Ihe other 'convert' who (it was alleged) had been ' kidnapped ' by ' Rome ' and * spirited away,' had been picked up by a policeman in the street in a state of beastly intoxication and ' spirited away,' nofc to Rome, but to ' the stone jug.' And — worst of all— after all the sensation and hullabaloo, neither of these Vanishers became a 'convert ! ' The varlets had really no consideration for the feelings of their would-be bear-leaders. * It really seems a pity that Dr. Grattan Guinness should be confined to one ' thrilling ' narrative of persons who have been kidnapped by those unspeakable Papists and have never been seen to this day. We publish hereunder a further collection for hie especial behoof. The worst of them is more ' thrilling ' by far than the Doctor's story of the nameless Peruvian monk. A.nd he cannot reasonably take exception to their form. They all betray the same anxiety as his ' painful yarn ' does to suppress the data of investigation. Neither can he object to the authority from which we take them. They are drawn from the columns of the Church Commomcealth, an Australian Anglican newspaper. It says :—: — 'The following stories amongst others were related for the delectation of the Protestant palate at the annual meeting of the P.C.E.U. held in Sydney some few weeks ago. It is suggested that these reminiscences should be published in book form. Perhaps M. de Rougemont could be induced to edit and write a suitable introduction to the same, which might be issued as a sequel to Walsh's famous Protestant classic. ' During the building of a certain convent in England a workman who had occasion to remain some time after the usual hours thought he heard a woman moaning and crying. He went quietly over to a wall where the sound proceeded from, and called out, "Who is there ? What is the matter ? " The reply was : "I am walled in to die." " I'll dig you oat." " Don't, I beseech you 1 If you attempt it, your life will not be safe." " Well, I shall go and bring assistance." However, as no one would believe him, he had to return alone in the dark. But, you know, Protestants are brave. Would you believe me, he never returned alive. He has never been seen to this day. 'A lady who was dining at Lord Salisbury's Borne time ago was rather struck by the fine appearance of one of the waiters. His face seemed familiar, and somehow or other his presence made her feel uncomfortable. Presently he noticed her questioning glances, and began to display considerable unrest and nervousness. After a good deal of worry it suddenly flashed across the lady's mind where she had seen this man before. Yes ; she had seem him in Italy, at Rome ! Ha ! the Vatican I He was an emissary of the Pope, and his duty was to find out the State secrets of England. She determined to interview Lord Salisbury and acquaint him of the dire and dreadful plot. When she saw his Lordship next morning he appeared quite ill. She questioned him as to the cause. He replied that his confidential man had disappeared. " Was he acting as butler 1 " " Yes." He has never been seen to this day ! ' A certain rector, while inviting a friend to dinner, remarked : " I have asked my curate. I should like you to make his acquaintance ;he is such good company. His conversation is so brilliant that I am pure you will be charmed with him." Accordingly at the specified time the guests made their appearance ; but the curate was silent, and did not display his powers of wit and humorin faot he was very ill at ease. After dinner the reotor stopped him as he was hurrying away, and asked what was the matter. Was he ill 1 "Ah, no ! But I feel somewhat uneasy ; I have some sick people to visit, so I cannot delay. Please excuse me." The rector returned and apologised, saying, " I cannot make out what is the matter with him." " I can." " What ? " <( He is a Jesuit." " Nonsense I " "No nonsense about it. I met him in a college on the Continent, and ha recognises me ; that is the cause of his trouble." " I cannot believe it." " Then let us go round to his lodgings and see if he haß left." They went, hut he has never been seen to this day !

We make no charge for these suggested additions to the attractions of Dr. Grattan Guinness' magic lantern show.