The American Young Hopeful.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXX, Issue 3, 16 January 1902, Page 18

The American Young Hopeful.

But, if we are to believe Mark Twain, even the Australian is nothing to the ' Murkan ' young hopeful. In English as She Is Taught, he gives a series of answers which were received in examinations in the public schools, and which, he solemnly avers, have not been ' tampered with nor doctored in any way.' The Aye Maria culls the following as some of the best : — ' Alias, a good man in the Bible ' ; ' Emolument, a headstone to a grave ' ; ' Ipecac, one who likes a good dinner ' ; ' Republican, a sinner mentioned in the Bible ' ; ' Plagiarist, a writer of plays ' ; ' Demagogue, a vessel containing beer and other liquids.' The Aye goes on to say that some rare and curious information is given at times by these youthful prodigies and instances the following : 'We should endeavor to avoid extremes — like those of wasps and bees ' ; ' Ireland is called the Emigrant Isle because it is so beautiful and green ' ; ' The two most famous volcanoes of Europe are Sodom and Gomorrah ' (a useful variant on the non-church-going grocer up north who fancied that Sodom and Gomorrah were man and wife) ; ' The Puritans found an insane asylum in the wilds of America ' ; ' Henry VIII. was famous for being & great widower, having lost several wives ' ; ' Holmes is a very profligate and amusing writer.'

But the gems of the whole series are two blunders made by two bright youths, one of whom confounded zoological, and the other geological with theological. One of those inspired young idiots wrote : 'There are a great many donkeys in theological gardens.' And the other : ' Some of the best fossils are found in theological cabinets.' Some cruel people would, of course, s»y that these are not blunders, but the absolute truth.