CORNEY CLERY'S BALANCE.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXVI, Issue 33, 22 December 1898, Page 23

CORNEY CLERY'S BALANCE.

By James Macmanus (• Mac ') in St. Peter's. The fast-thriving town of Aughnadhrin needed a Market-house. There was no doubt of that. The seven firkina of butter which used to frequent the Square on the occasion of the Tuesday market had during the last year suddenly gone up to ten. And eleven bags of potatoes and six bags of oats were now exposed for sale, where formerly there were only nine bags of potatoes and two bags of oats. Moreover, to keep pace with the increasing demand, a regular fowl-market had been started, which was weekly thronged by Mrs. Dolan,. of the Long Bog, with four hens— two muffles, to wit, and a marley, and a spreckly ; and as she would persist in appraising her birds at three ha'pence a head more than the most generous of the inhabitants of Aughnadhrin wished to eive, Mrs. Dolan fetched back, market afcer market, her two muffie3, the marley, and toe spreckly— thus firmly establishing the fowl-market. True, Patbriek Blake, of Oorabbor, fetched iuto the third fowl--* market an eelyun of his wife Marg'et's chickens ; but Mrs. Dolan, rightly aggrieved by this attempt at unfair competition, heaped upon him suoh bitter reproaches for a • low, mane, undhermiiiin' fella, who'd come an' fetoh in his dhirty chickens without any other rhyme or raison than to do a sthrugglin' poor woman out of her market,' that poor Pathriok was shamed into quitting the town with more speed and a lower head than when he came in : and after that Mrs. Dolan had the entire trade of the f owl-marketf all to heiself, the two muffles, and the marley and spreckly. Anyhow, it was evident that a place of the growing importance and commercial activity of Aughnadhrin needed a Market-house Everyone, from Michael O'Gara, ' Licensed to Sell Wine, Spirits, XX Porter, and Tobacco for Consumption on the Premises,' down to Rory Keenaghan, Billposter, Newsboy, Pennyboy, and Town Pool, saw and admitted this, and said it should be remedied. So Michael OGara, on a day, leaving Rory Keenaghan in charge of the Premises, with strict orders to allow all in, but none out till he should return, hied him to Father Tom, and invited his co-operation in founding a Market-house ; and with Father Tom then proceeded to enlist for the project Peter Darragh, the Postmaster (who sold spools likewise, and ha'penny surprise packets to the rising generation), and Manis Loughrey— a rival of Michael's in the tobacco trade, but whose sign did not require customers to remain on the premises while they consumed the article. And all four, sitting them down in Peter's little parlour, resolved themselves into the Aughnadhrin Town Improvement Committee, and proposed and carried unanimously ' That Aughnadhrin do have a Market-house, same to be erected in the Square [which Square, by the way, was an isosceles triangle, having its apex opposite Michael O'Gara's door] forthwith, the Committee to subscribe as much of the wherewithdl as convenient on the following day, and trust in God for the rest— repaying themselves for the outlay by farming the market tolls.' And Peter Darragh, who was considered handy at the pen was ordered to send an account of the project and an advertisement for a contractor to the Dhrimstevlin Universe. And the next issue of the Universe earaa out with a glowing leading article on the phenomenal progress of the important inland town of Aughnadhrin, which had at last determined upon having- a Market-house all to itself. The article referred in eloquent terms to the rapid increase in the supply of butter, corn, and potatoes, which nowpoured into its Square on Tuesdays ; characterised ' the latelyestablished fowl-market ' as ' a mo»t unqualified success,' alluded in stately periods to the public spirit that animated the breasts of its prominent and patriotic citizens and business men — 'their wellbeloved sot/ garth, the Rev. Thomas O'Rourke, P.P., V.G. ; Peter Darragh, Esq., the genial Postmaster ; and Messrs Michael O'Gara, P.L.G., and Manis Loughrey, men whose names were household words throughout the length and breadth of the pariah of Aujhnadhrin'—the Esq. vouchsafed Peter being a quid pro quo for the advertisement. There were upwards of three doaen copies or that issue of the Universe sold in Aughnadhriu, and Peter was kept busy addressing the read copies to the purchasers' friends in England Scotland, Australia, and the States. ' Many eager contractors called to see ' the Plan and Specification, which might be inspected' (so tae advert isement in the Universe put it) ' at Mr. Pecer Darragh'a Post Office .and General Goods Store in Aughnadhrin'; aud Peter, with a piece of ululk, drew out for each upon the largest and cleanest fla» on the floor' the aforementioned Plan, recited from memory the Specification' •which, amongst other clauses, stipulated that (a) no tender at a larger sum than forty -five pounds should be cons.dered by the Committee ; and (It) the Contractor should, as the work progressed receive payment to the amount of thirty pounds, the balance, if any, to remain due till suoh time as the increased tolls pouring into the Committee's treasury would enable them to discharge the°dcbt. For thirty pounds was the full paid-up capital of the Aughnadhrin Town Improvement; Committee. This stipulation invariably gave the contractors pause. They whistled and 'didn't know about that,' and would have to take time to consider it — with the result that Peter Darragh was left to pine with a Plan and Specification, of which no reputable ' contractor could be induced to relieve him' weighting his breast. Then the Committee began descending upon the haunts of contractors in the vain hope of bagging one ; and the contractors got to keeping outlooks posted, and taking to their heels when apprised that the Committee with Peter and the Plan and Specification were upon them. And for the six weeks during which the Town Improvement Committee were daily hot upon the scent of one or other contractor, Aughnadhrin was in a highly excited state of mind. At the end of six weeks things quieted down to their normal state, for the Committee had successfully laid the toils for Comey Clery, a third-rate mason, who now contracted

to do the' job for the full forty-five pounds— thirty pounds to be paid in mstalments'aa the work proceeded, and the balance— or as torney would persist in terming it, the ' balianoe '— ' as soon after as convenient' ; this last elastic olause, the ingenious" production or i-eter Darragh, being the salt whioh was put on poor CdVney's

Anyhow, Corney had started the new Market-house within a week after, and putting on it two masons along with himself ran it up with much speed. Weekly bulletins in the Dhrimstevlia universe, recording the progress made, kept the eager outside world au ooumnt meanwhile ; as for the Ausrhnadhrin world, it stood around Corney. in its shirt-aleeves. and carefully watohed every stone that was laid. And when at. length it was completed, and duly opened with a scene of great jubilation and of much speechmaking in which the Aughnadhrin of that day was compared with ttxe Aughnadhriu of a quarter of a century before— very muoh to tne disadvantage of the latter— and roseate pictures drawn of the Aughnaihrin which still lay in the womb of the future—some of more emotional orators being carried so far past themselves by the uncontrollable enthusiasm of the occasion as to predict that some now listening might yet live to see a pig-fair and a flax-market nourishing and surging '—these were Peter Darrajrh's words— around this spacious, handsome, and noble edifice.' Corney Clery would have been the hero of the occasion, only that, at an early stage of the proceedings, he succumbed to the enraptured approbations of Aughnadhrin meted out to him in liquid form, and was sleeping the sleep of the happy what time the raftera of the Market-house dinnled to the thunder-claps of applause whioh the mention of his name evoked. But it was in the subsequent issue of tne Universe that praise of • the respected and capable Architect and Contractor, Mr. Cornelius O'Clery,' was wrought to its highest pitcn. Here, in a three column article on the new Market-house tracing the history of the project from conception to completion, »?£ awarding due share of credit to Rev. Thomas O'Rourke P P V.G., Peter Darragh, Esq., and Messrs. Michael O'Gara and Manis Loughrey, and the industrious and enterprising citizens of Aughnattnrin (making special complimentary reference to those who adver« tised in the Universe), there was given a detailed biographical notice of Corney, who was shown to be a direct descendant of « the famous Gob-an-tsaoir, who built those lasting national monuments, tne Kound Towers of Ireland,' incidentally mentioning that • the learned and indefatigable Michael O'Clery, the chief compiler of tnat marvellous and stupendous work, the wonder alike of his own age and of this our enlightened nineteenth century, " The Annals of trie ±our Masters," had the honour to belong to the same branch of the ancient and illustrious O'Clery family that has produced our contemporary, of whom we are all so creditably vain— Mr. Cornelius O Clery. There were forty-one copies of the Dhrimstevlin Universe sent to Aughnadhrin by special carrier on Friday afternoon ; yet when Johnnie the Joker's little son, Phaidien, from Mullinaoroish came in for a copy on Sunday morning, there wasn't a single one to be got for love, money, or duck-eggs 1 During those exciting days, Corney had neither time nor inclination to bother about that « baliance,' which was to be paid, in terms of the contract, « as soon as convenient.' But in the course of a few weeks, the enthusiasm naturally cooling, and the rhetoric of the Uiaccrxe beginning to be forgotten, Corney found himself gradually subsiding to his usual level in the social scale of Aughnadhrin, and the har.l facts of existence again asserting themselves and to it dawned upon him that he stool very much in need of his ' baliance.' J r °rJ ather Tom ' then ' hs wenfc > t0 P r °ffer his request; and Father Tom referred him to Ma nis Loughrey, who referred him to Michael OGara, who referred him to Peter Darragb, who told Corney that it wasn't yet convenient to pay him his • baliance,' and that he must wait till the receipt of market tolls (which were now sure, Peter said, to flow into the Committee's exchequer at a phenomenal rate) would p^ce them in a position to square with nim. But as Corney had during the weeks of the excitement, been living q;iit« rapidly, he was particularly low in fund*, and the hve-horse-and-you'll-get-oata theory didn't - recommend itself to him. So, day after day, then, Corney tramped the weary round of the Committee, soliciting, wheedling, and threatening, but all to no purpose. The contract said (they pointed out to him) the balance was to be paid 'as soon as convenient ' ; it wasn't yet convenient, and he must abide by the contract In the course of a few months they would, in all probability, discharge the debt. Corney, hereupon, went around the town storming at the attitude, of the Committee, and to every person he met, relieving his mind of very forcible language on the subject. Corney's ' baliance,' then, about which he was crying out day and daily, became the great joke in Aughnadhrin ; and whenever Corney was met, and by whomsoever encountered, the first question invariably was, * Well, Oorney, have ye got yer baliance yet /' And for three good weeks Aughnadhrin had to hold its sides every time the rare joke about Corney Clery's ' baliance ' cropped up ; and as it cropped up on the average Boaie hundreds of times per diem, it may well be guessed that Aughnadhrin's ticklesome sides were aching sorely. The question was asked Corey for the last time on a Saturday night about this time. It was at Morris Maloney's bar. Corney had lounged in, in his usual listless fashion, and ordered a pint of porter, which Grace Anne was serving to him. One of a group of five or six townsmen who had turned in to drink good luck to a new horse beast Micky Dunnien had just bought, observing Corney promptly eeized the opportunity to give his fellows a free laugh so he said, * Hilloa, Corney Clery ! is that you ?' Corney, aDy word of yer baliance, yet ?' All laughed heartily. ' Well,' Corney said, in his usual slow fashion, ' I haven't <* o t the ' baliance ' yet, exactly.' There was another hilarious outburst at the foolish hopefulness of poor Corney's exactly. ' But,' he went on, when the laugh was over, ' I've "-ot the Committee, an' there worth the baliance any day.'

♦What!' Corney wag taking a long and refreshing xhlug out of his pint, and when he had finished he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and, for the iuformation of the astonished ones, repeated in the same casual fashion, that he ' had gob the Committee, and held them for the baliance.' • Where 1 How, Corney ? Where have ye got them ?' ' Och, I've got them in the Markefc-housa. I tut them down on purtence o£ showin' them somethin' I was goin' to remedy inside. An' when I had them in — Father Tom, au' the other three— l, iv coorse, turned the kay upon them.' Here Corney exhibited a large key, which he fished up out of one of his pockets. His auditors gazed open-mouthed, at the circumstantial evidence. 'I'll hould them there,' Corney said, • till they pay me my baliance. 11l let them go then.' Corney added this last clause in the tone of one who was making a generous and unexpected concession. Corney's audience waited not any longer. They dashed out, and sped down the street towards the Square. Carney sauntered after them. When they reached the Square, their numbers were prodigiously swelled. There were many noises emanating from the new Markethouse. The door was getting a mighty thumping from inside, and just then a skylight was burst open, and, by the light of the moon, Peter Darragh's bald head was seen protruding. • Where's that scoundhril Clery V Peter shouted, in a voice husky with passion. ' Where's the ecoundhril ? Get him to open the doore, an' let out his Raverence an' the Committee — an' be quick about it, or he'll be rale sorry frr it.' The door, too, was still being thumped, and the barred windows rattled at. Never before was garrison half so eager to evacuate a stronghold. • Tell his Raverence he'll get out, an' yous 'ill get out, when yez pay me over me baliance,' Corney said from the outskirts of the crowd. The crowd did not like to laugh aloud, lest Father Tom should hear them, and they knew he must be enraged enough just then. The restraint they exercised was amazing. • Tell Corney Clery I want him,' Father Tom shouted through the keyhole. Corney waß led forward. • Well, yer Raverence, what might ye be afther wantin' with me V Corney inquired. 1 Open the door instantly, Corney Clery !' 1 I'll open the doore, yer Raverence, the minnit I'm paid down me baliance.' • Open the door, Corney Clery !' ' Gi' me me baliance, Father Tom.' 'Oh ! oh ! A nice way this for you, Corney Clery, to handle your priest. 1 1 An' a nice way this (be the laive o' yer coat) for you, Father Tom, to han'le yer dmthractor.' ' Corney Clery, I'll make ye fee 1 , the weight o' my staff.' 1 Father Tom, I'm afeerd. ye're on the wrong bide o' the doore for that.' 'Upon my solemn word, Clery, when I get out of this I'll make you hop to a tune ye didn't call for.' ' Ay, when ye get out, yer Raverence. When the sky falls, too, we'll all catch larks.' ' Will you, sir, or will you not, open the door ?' 1 Vis, Father Tom, I'll open the doore >artintly — the minnit me baliance is ped down ti me.' ' What 1 ye villain ! h it keep the Parish Priest of Aughnalrin forcibly imprisoned here, ye would >' • Ay, is it — or if ye wor Parish Bishop either, or Primate iv Armagh, yell not get out i' there till 1 gee my baliance.' • Corney Clery, take you my word for it, that when I'm free I'll lose little time making up tor all the thrashin's your mother forgot to give you.' • But when you're free, yer Raverence, I'll have me baliance in me pocket, an' then I'll not feel yer thrashin'.' 4 Don't you forget, Clery. I'll owe ye for this.' 1 Throth an', Father Tom, if ye be as bad pay about that, as ye wor about the conthractin', I'll not grudge ye ti owe me twicet as much i' the same sort.' In despair Father Tom had to give Corney up. And then Peter Petter Darragh began him from the skylight ; but, in answering Peter, Corney put much less restraint upon his tongue, with the result that, af cer a te l nrnutes' sharp passage at arms, which was boisterously enjoyed by the multitude, poor Peter withdrew his bald head covered with insult, ignominy, and defeat. A council of war was then held within. The garrison agreed to capitulate, and Peter Darragb conveyed the intelligence to Corney through the keyhole. By Peter's request, a messenger was despatched to tell Mrs. Darragh to come with all possible hasie, and fetch the Bank with her. Mrs. Darragh, in a state of great mental distress, quickly arrived on the seene — the Bank with her as r quested (which Bank was an ancient stocking of her mother's), out of which she counted down into Corney's horny (and not virgin-white) palm, fifteen gold sovereigns, the amount in full of his * baliance,' got possession of the key, and restored to the world again and to freedom four irate men, that public-spirited group which rejoiced in the proud title of the Aughnadhrin Town Improvement Committee. °The assembled townspeople itched to give them a we^oming cheer ; but observing tbe business-like grip in which Father Tom held his staff, they concluded to repress their enthusiasm. Perhaps it waa as well. — St. Peter's.

Mr. P. Lundon, Phoenix Clambers, Wanganui, is still busy putting people on the soil. He has also hotels in town and couatiy For Sale and To Lease Writ him, — # %