CHRISTMAS FUN.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXV, Issue 32, 17 December 1897, Page 35 (Supplement)

CHRIST MA S FUN.

DUTCH SECURITY.

Said .Take Metzenmaker to his sweetheart :—: — •• Loweeza, you vas a poody gal ! " To which that bright-eyed young German damsel replied, '•Shake, dot vos nice ; say it again."' '• Py golly ! " Jake exclaimed, " you vas more peautiful ash a budder-eup, and I hope you vill marry me right avay." Then that sensible young woman responded • — "Shake, I like dot marringe idea, poody veil. I pelieve me it vos a sensible peezness. Und I like you, Shake, more ash a gooble dimes. But I vanc.s fceguridy." "Vants seguridy ' I understand no such dhings," said Jake in amazement. ■•Nein.' Right avay I dole you. Ouf you read dose babers, you find out it \\a; a great peezness by married fellers to run aroundt the saloon, und don"t like to vork. und o'lf ter the vife say some dhings she got a plack eye. and then .she \a< goome by the bolice court for some -e?,urity for make him do petier.' 1 '•Put you don t vai pclicvc I do such dhings, Lowoeza .' I schwear dot, my lute — " •• Suhwear vas a leedle fence not more a>h a gooble feed high, und you shump over him ash easy ash you like. I pelieve you vas righdt, now, Shake, l'ut there vas a great risk, und I vant some security for dose dime yen you vill be poss." " Und yci von'd marry me vidout dot segurity .' "' '' 1 pelie-vc me. Shake, it vas petter vc got him now, ash py-und« py out' (lot bolice court — ain'd id / " '• Veil, vat segurity you vant / " •• I dink, any \ ay, a tousand tollar pond vould be apout right." '• A tousand tollars ! 1 don't ouver I find some man vat like to bchain himself, by such a gueldt." "It you don'd could rind a fiiend mit dot much gonfidence py you. Shalio, 'sliat sort ol a clumce you dink I dake ' "' TIIC TAUII V EXPLAINED. Maud. — What do 1 hoy mean by reciprocity .' Claude. — Now. if I wore to kiss you, and joa should kiss me in return, that would be reciprocity. M;md. — Why, it s nice, isn't it? I thought it was something bad.— Ex. WHY DO WE I,IVE. Speaking of. the approach of spring a contemporary calls the attention of all concerned to the fact that the poe', Augustus FitzLanaland once sent to a daily newspaper a soulful sonnet entitled, " Why Do We Live '" Much to his amazement his verses were not printed, but in lieu thereof' the brutal editor published an editorial paragraph addressed to the poet in this wise : '• Augustus FitzLangland, the reason you live is because you sent your poem by mail instead of bringing it youivelf." HARD 0> T THE MINISTER. A minister, who is not always as careful as he ought to be in. making his preaching and his practice go together, was lately telling

some friends a story of adventure. It was a " tall " story, and the minister's little 10-year-old girl was listening to it intently. When he had finished, she fastened her wide-open eyes upon her father's face, and said very gravely : ''Is that true, or are you preaching now, papa ?" MR. SCHMIDT'S MISTAKE. I geeps me von leedlc schtore town Proadway, und does a pooty goot peesnis ; bud I ton't got mooch gapital to york mit, so I finds id hard york to get me all der gredits vot I vould like. Last veek I hear aboud some goots dot a barty vas going to sell pooty sheap, und so 1 writes dot man if he vould gife me der refusal of dose goots for a gouple a days. He gafe me der refusal : dot is, he sait I gouldn't haf dem. But he sait he vould gall on me, und see mine sore ; and den if mine schcanding in pee&uis vas goot. berhaps ye might do somedings togedder. Veil, I vas behint mine gounter yesderday, yen a shentleman gomes in, und dakes me py der hant, und say. '-Mr. Schmidt, I peliove."' I say, " Yaw," und den I dinks to mineself, " Dis vas de man vot has dose goots to sell, und I musd dry to make some goot imbression mit hini so ye gould do some peesnis." — '■ Dis vas goot schtore," he says, looking aroundt ; " bud you ton't got a pooty pig schstock already. 4 ' I vas avraid to let him know dot I only hat 'bout a thousand tollars voort of goots in der blace, so I says, " You ton't vould dink I hat more as dree tousand tollars in nis leedle schtore. aind id ?" He says, " You ton't tole me ! Vos dot bossible .'" I say, '" Yaw." I meant dot id r/is hiwible, dough id vasn't so ; vor I vas like Shorge Vashingtons yen he cut town der " olt elm" on Poston Gonimons mit his leedle hadget, und gouldn't dell some lies aboudt it. '' Veil," says der schentleman, " I dink you ought to know petter as anybody elsj vot you haf got in des schtore ; '" und den he dakes a leedle book vrom his bocket oudt. und say, " V^ll. I poots you town vor dree tousand tollars." I ask him vat he means py '• poots me town ; " und den he says he vas von of der daxinon, or assessoi - s of broperty, und he tank me so kindly as nefer vos, because he say I vos sooch an honest Deutscher, und tidn't dry und sheat der gofermants. 1 dells you vat it vos, I tidn't veel any more petter as a hundord ber cent, yen dot man valk oudt off mine schtore, und der nexd dime I make free rait sdrangers, I vinds first deir peesnis audt. — Chakles F. Adams.