"What Is The Secret Of A Successful Marriage?"

New Zealand Journal of Agriculture, Volume 63, Issue 3, 15 September 1941, Page 262

"What Is The Secret Of A Successful Marriage?"

Our Competition

/OPINIONS varied considerably on this debatable question, but I think you all agreed on. three things: the secret of success in marriage lies in the ability to give-and-take, respect for one another, and the possession of a sense of humour. First prize this month to “Fairfield,” Hamilton, and second to “A.M.D.,” Inglewood. Close behind comes “Sally” of Otago, and “Civis,” Gisborne. Successfully married? Ido hope so, but in any case, here’s how our wives are making a success of the most important business of their lives.

First Prize

ITOW. tragic it is that so often. the happy experience of the uniting of two lives should be followed by disillusionment, broken hearts, and broken homes. And yet it is too. often so. Why is not every marriage a success, we wonder? Perhaps the fault lies partly in the haste with which this important step is taken. Frequently, in the glamour of romance, the future is . hardly considered, neither is mere fleeting passion discerned from true and lasting love, which alone will stand the test of time. Real love is based upon an appreciation of each other’s characters, and it is as well that these characters be thoroughly known and their compatability tested before this solemn step is taken.- It is not necessary to harmony that colours be of the same . hue, but .they must be of the same tone to blend successfully. Thus it is with human lives — must be things in common, even if all tastes are not identical. Especially is this necessary in things of the spirit, wherein lies the true; depth of life, . and the rock foundation of 'human love. After marriage, it is sometimes found that the “vision splendid” has faded, and in the- humdrum round of daily life petty irritations and x grievances

spoil the harmony of the home, and love begins to wilt. Wherein lies the secret of continuity of love that will lighten the home, and make it a precious sanctuary? As far as the wife is concerned, as the home-maker, it is her privilege to set the. standard high, and guard the ideals with which they first commenced married z life. A man appreciates a home where he finds brightness, sympathy, and understanding love, where he finds relief and ' recreation , from cares and worries, and where .he sees in his wife a real helpmeet, ready to share his interests, and show by her thoughtful unselfishness the depth of the unfailing love she has for him. This will draw, from him the best, too, and he will share the burdens, joys, and trials of . home life. Above all, trust each other implicitly. Remember that trustful love springs from respect and honour, and is something which no-

thing can crush or diminish through all the events of life, helping a man and a woman to be not only husband and wife but lovers always and forever.“ Fairfield,” Hamilton. .

Second Prize

rpO MY mind, the real foundation of a successful marriage is give-and-take on both sides. -Selfishness on the part of either husband or wife is sure to lead to squabbles and dissatisfaction. Children are another important factor, in married life. It is a well-known fact that the divorce court deals with nearly three times as many divorces of couples without children as of those' with children. A child is the strongest link in the family. If one is unable to have children, then the next strongest tie is the joint ownership of something, whether it be a farm, a house, or even a pet canary —something really shared. A great stumbling-block in the path of married happiness today is the independence of the modern woman. Very few wives care to be dominated by their husbands, and yet the average man expects his wife to live

practically for the home alone. Happy the wife who can do this, but how many of us can? We feel we must have outside interests or stifle. It is said that the modern craze for twin beds is merely a sign of woman’s independence, but it is the forerunner of the severing of, the nuptial knot in more cases than any woman would admit. I think the ideal marriage consists of a democratic partnership, and this is what most of us must aim for if we are to have any kind of happiness and security in our married life. A.M.D., Inglewood.

Highly Commended

r pHE ability to give and take, and a sense of . humourthese two things I would certainly place first in , the necessities of a successful marriage. Much depends, of course, on what people consider the success of a marriage, but I cannot believe that there wouldbe any success without these two. Others are needed —good health, similarity of tastes, some children, and love and understanding of each other. So long as people retain a sense of humour it will carry them over many a dark place, and if . they are willing to give way to each other in little things, then they can be depended upon to stand together when the big things of life have to be faced. Sally, Otago. TN MY opinion, compatability . • is A the secret of a successful marriage. To , look at things in the same light, and above all to laugh at the

same things, is a very great help towards getting on together. To be pals in the true sense of the word is the most desirable state for married happiness. To be relaxed in each other’s company quite naturally and without effort makes for recuperation of bodily and mental powers. Compatability ensures. peace in the home, similar aims and aspirations, a united front in relation to outside affairs, and the same ideas on bringing up a — Civis, Gisborne. • HT'EAMWORK is the pivot on which the success of connubial bliss, and its rise or fall, depends. v Each must pull their weight in “double harness,” and be dependable. Service is a much better word than duty, and in the act of doing anything worth while we learn the true meaning of

the word. Each partner should know his or her obligations, and in all honesty do their share cheerfully. I sometimes question if there is such a thing as love. Many intelligent and saneliving people could be just as happy with someone else. After all, honest dependability, is the keynote. Mrs. Vee, Waikato.

HYACINTHS

HAVE you ever looked carefully at the leaves of a hyacinth, and seen the marking resembling Y on them?

The ancient Greeks used to worship Hyacinth, and have a great festival, Hyacinthus, every year in his honour; do you remember that Hyacinth was the beautiful boy who was killed by the jealous god, Apollo? From the blood of the youth sprang the beautiful flower we call hyacinth, and ever since that day there has appeared on the leaf of . the hyacinth a curious letter-shaped mark that stands for Al or “Alas” in; the Greek tongue. Thus does the flower eternally bewail the death of the beautiful youth.

I Saw These Novelties About Town

DESPITE the war— or shall I say because of the war? —the city shops are, showing some delightfully fascinating novelties. Perhaps the newest novelty on the market is the “Victory” brooch. All the shops have these brooches, made with the big V, mostly in scarlet and grey. But there are ever so many variations of the victory brooch— need only to walk down the street and see them being worn'to know that! Victory! How we are all hoping and praying for it! Surely then it' is not to be wondered at that so many of us have taken to wearing these brooches with our spring costumes! The shops . are showing fascinating arrays of new goodssurprising though it may seem. Some of the new colours intrigue Indian Penny, a lovely coppery shade, is ideal for the

young girl who wants to look really smart, while if you are. a little older try Grecian Grape! As its name implies, it is a rich purplish shade. But I have noticed a lot of Air Force blue being worn, and it is not uncommon to see a lass, walking alongside a lad in Air Force uniform, who is clad in almost the same colour. Grey, too, is very popularl have never seen so much of it being worn. And everyone has scarlet accessories —scarlet handbag, scarlet gloves, a scarlet feather athwart a grey felt hat, and even—if the wearer is particularly dashing— shoes. Grey is a very useful colour, and lends itself admirably to many changes. Try a purple scarf and a purple feather with your grey coat, and keep to grey gloves and handbag—this is a change from the scarlet accessories. *

Frocks are going to be even shorter this summer — this a wartime economy measure? And talking of economy. measures, if we went without silk stockings last summer, and liked it, then I am afraid we will all have to go without silk stockings this summer, whether we like it or not! A pair of new silk stockings today is treated with greater appreciation than a bag of gold! Do you remember those long shell necklaces which were so popular many years ago? Well, they are quite the latest' once again— them in a three-deep tier against your highnecked spring jumper, and see how smart they look. And finally, if you want to be the very acme of smartness and novelty, try this idea next time you are going to a dance is the latest in America! Fingernails are being painted in red, white, and blue to match our Union Jack! Just imagine the furore you would cause if you walked in with your thumb and little finger nails scarlet, the next two nails left white, and the middle one blue! I dare you!

Short Story

NOW it was over. They had all gone the guests, the bridesmaids, and the bride herself. No more fuss and bother, no more frantic wondermgs if everything would go off all right more —no more living? Martha, feeling all of her forty years, dismally turned the situation over in her mind as she lay in bed the morning after the wedding. It had been so beautiful — in her exquisite bridal gown, with Betty as bridesmaid, and small Starr as flower-girlall so .beautiful, but now it was over. Her little Pauline had gone . . . and she hadn’t imagined she would feel so lonely. The day outside 'was sparkling with springtime, and Martha could see the sun dancing over the blue waters •of the harbour. And here was the postman coming up the steps—perhaps there would be something for her? The letters fell on the hall floor, and Martha slipped on her dressing gown as she pattered out to collect them. Three for Pauline, and one for herself. She wondered what her sister Jenny wanted now? The delicatelyperfumed lavender notepaper was balm in itself to Martha’s heartsore feelings, and Jenny had written: 5 “Now that your only girl has married her Jim, why not come back to your home again? The farm is leased, but the cottage is empty. There is your garden waiting for you still, the lilac is in flower again, there is still a larks’ nest out in the paddock, and. a lark in the sky to sing to you the whole day through. And we are waiting for your coming, Martha, .j . . You’ll miss your loved David, I —you and he belonged to this place. But he is sleeping peacefully in the churchyard, and we have kept the flowers blooming bright above his head. I feel that he longs for his wife to come back . to her home. Now that Pauline is married, the city will hold little interest for you. Here we are waiting to welcome you, and the cottage is waiting too, so lonely.” Tears welled up in Martha’s eyes— Jenny was right. There was nothing -now to, keep her in the city. Pauline had her Jim, and when they returned from, the honeymoon they would be •glad to find she had gone. -...

FRIENDSHIP TODAY Friendship may be the only lamp left burning, In days when we must black out every light. < Friendship may be a signpost at each turning, When not a place-name may be left in sight. Friendship may be a luxury still left us, When to spend money is not right or wise: Friendship is gladness, laughter, , song and sunshine, When overhead are dark and threatening skies. Whatever else we give or lose or lessen, Let’s hold our friendships sacred, in an hour When life needs all the beauty we can bring it, Growing at dur heart’s doors, in radiant flower.