THE PASSING SHOW

New Zealand Illustrated Sporting & Dramatic Review, Volume XX, Issue 1131, 14 December 1911, Page 4

THE PASSING SHOW

TOPICS OF THE WEEK, BY A CAUSTIC CRITIC.

The Parliamentary elections have resulted in Sir Bart Ward and his titled crew getting a very substantial bump, and the Ship of State they have been buccaneering with it now on the rocks making water fast. It will depend when the tide rises again on Thursday whether they will be able to save the craft, and float her off again. But present indications are that she is making water so fas,t that Captain Ward and his crew will have to abandon her, and that the skipper is sure to have his certificate endorsed. It is likely, however, that he may get a shore job in London, with headquarters at 13', Victoriastreet.

But what, is to become of Ward s crew? One of them, the sea-cook, deserted him some time ago when he saw the ship was in troubled waters, and set up as a New Evangel, tie didn’t prove a good missioner, and is now likely to end up in the stewpot —at all events he is sure to suirer Payne. Poor George Fowids, he was a well-intentioned chap, but got carried away by wowsermania.

Then there’s Sir Jay, who slipped over the side as soon as the election rock were in sight and tried to woo Princess Parnell. The dusky maiden, however, heard about Doc. Findiay getting his mate’s certificate without passing the usual Parliamentary exam., but instead, working a point with the skipper to put M.L.C. after his name. Then he went Home, and “worked” another spurious title which a proud and free-born people scorn. The Parnell tribe don’t want any intruders, and are going to give the unwelcome one a severe clubbing to-morrow ,when he will doubtless be given a few brief days in which to escape from the displeased tribe.

Next there is the Hon. Buddo, who is classed on the articles as cabinboy, but has been pressed into service at different times to act as steward, mate, cook’s assistant, and carpenter, but never '.distinguished himself in any role. He got a nasty jar when the ship struck the Kaiapoi rock. He ran into the bush as soon as the Ship of State struck, and is at present hiding behind the loin-cioths of the Kaiapoi factory maidens, but an old and trusty follower of the Reform tribe named Moore is on his trail, and when they get to a scuffle Buddo is likely to be scalped.

Mate Millar, was once very popular with the Dunedin tribe, and for a long time was counted one of the most capable seamen trading in the Fortunate Isles. Lately, however, he has got very lazy, and didn’t get on too well with the skipper. The nautical inquiry will perhaps disclose that he was largely responsible for the stranding of the ship. Meanwhile he has run up against a tough proposition and is likely to receive a salutary thrashing from a game little chap they call Bedford, but might escape with his skin and a loss of any dignity he. previously had to boast of.

As for the rest of the crew Sir Jimmy Carroll never did much, and the lotus-eating islanders of Gisborne like the breezy, lazy disposition of Jimmy, so they decided to let him go back to Parliament, without touching a hair of his head. “Taihoa” is good for another three years’ sleep. Tommy Mackenzie is not taken seriously by the islanders. He’s such a funny chap and he amuses the people. He is pretty shrewd, however, because he knows it is not safe to stay too long with one tribe because they get tired of his tricks. This time he went to another islet, and there played the mountebank to the . Egmont tribe who are a very primitive people, and were greatly amused at his tumbling tricks and contortions, so that they have adopted him for a spell.

Roddy McKenzie is no relation to Tommy. He is an older member of Captain Bart. Ward’s crew, and is

very long in the tooth. Directly the rocks were in sight he made for the bush, and got away back to Motueka, where the triibes-people have no interests in life beyond getting votes for roads and bridges. This far they can depend on Roddy, and the future of Loan Land does not worry them, so Public Works Mac returns to Wellington, but not to draw £lOOO a year, and thirty bob a day travelling exs., as he would have done had the skipper and mate kept the ship off the rocks.

Last comes the brass-boy Ngata, who is sticking close to the ship. He has the goodwill of the natives, and is to be allowed to go back to Wellington to look after the interests of ■the dusky islanders. He doesn’t cut much ice, and so hasn’t got to fight his way through the angry tribesmen.

Auckland is at last working up a little enthusiasm now that the elections are practically through. Up to the taking of the first ballot the general public did not care a couple of straws who was sent down to the Windy City to represent them in the Talking shop. But since the rest of New Zealand has shown its marked disapproval of the way the country has been run of late, Aucklanders are waking up and rubbing their eyes. To-morrow they will wearily go to the polling booths in Parnell, Grey Lynn, and Waitemata to vote for one of the two candidates in each electorate, that the first ballot selected to run in the finals. One. of the chief factors that will determine the selection will be according to the way the bets have been laid, not according to the merits of the would-be members.

Although three out of six candidates are sure of £3OO a year two of them are bound to derive some monetary consolation by selling hats for the selectors of the “top dogs.” It is impossible to leave the sporting atmosphere of JVulcan Lane without hearing of innumerable hats that have been wagered on the result of to-day’s polls. There is one “sport” we know of that won’t be able to walk under

the telephone cables if he wins and dons his winnings all together. The law does not allow us to publish betting odds but we can name two oi' three wagers that have been laid. “A straw-yard to a felt Stetson,” “A cheese-cutter to a chimney pot,” “A bowler to a boater,” and “A bun to a panama.” These elections must be a boon to the hatters. And we would remind you gentle reader that the fair sex are also having their little side bets about Sir John and Sammy. One fair damsel has bet a “rickshaw” to a “bee-hive” that Napoleon Napier wipes the floor with Alic. Harris.

The biggest surprise packet, so far as Auckland was concerned over the election, was the dumping of Wowser Poole by Honest John- A month ago John Bradney was a humble citizen of Ponsonby, and last week he was

elevated to the dizzy dignity of a fullfledged Member of Parliament. Any man aspiring to the honours (?) of a Parliamentary career would have considered an assault on the stronghold of wowserism, and the vanquishing of the arch-wowser a daring and wellneigh hopeelss expedition to be undertaken at short notice by anyone but an old and experienced campaigner. However John Bradney volunteered for the task, and gathered round him a band of resolute men, and —well they won, and won handsomely. They routed the wowsers, and deposed their leader. Bradney is just the type of hard-headed, fearlOss and 'com scientious man that gives promise of turning out a worthy politican likely to make a dent in the public life of the Dominion.

The Local Option and National Prohibition votes recorded last week were paradoxical. “The Wowser Company, Limited,” is now in liquidation; in fact, instead of being “fully paid up” it is “finally bu’st up.” The “Trade” have had a startling indication of the inconsistency of the masses and is in a quandary as how to best meet the capricious requirements of the public they are anxious to serve.

It is hard indeed to gather from the licensing polls any conclusion as to New Zealand’s attitude and wishes on the liquor question. There is apparently only one deduction that can be positively affirmed: that the people of New Zealand have at last appreciated the unfairness of the Local Option referendum. It is neither one thing nor the other. It is not a “straight” issue, and the electors have in this respect shown the cold water wowsers that their thinly-veiled hypocracy lias been discovered.

On the question of National Prohibition the vote recorded last week was an extarordinary one in many respects. The majority was in favour of National Prohibition being given a trial, but the necessity of carrying the issue by a three-fifth majority saved New Zealand going “dry” by some 20.000 votes. Of course, the prohibition organisers are claiming a great and glarious victory; but in reality we venture to say that the credit of the vote is not theirs.

The true inwardness of the National Prohibition vote is that the people cast their votes, not against the liquor traffic, but against the system. Had the public had the opportunity of giving free expression to their opinions there can be no doubt that they would not have voted for the wiping out of all liquor, but for a system by which the people themselves would have more direct control. It is not the Brewers or the Licensed Victuallers of the country who are opposing the introduction of a more rational system. As a matter of fact, they would welcome any change that would be conducive to an improvement in the licensing trade; but the attitude of the cold water wowsers has been to throw dust in the eyes of the public and prevent the improvement of the svstem so as to profit by the existing defects for their own weak propaganda, and thus hoodwink the moderates and persuade the women (who have not yet grasped the intricies of one of the greatest social and economic problems of the age), that the oxis L ing state of the licensing trade is the direct result of greed on the part of brewers and dishonesty on the part of the publicans. It is largely by such organised calumny that the National Prohibition vote was so substantial.

The real turning factor, however, was the determination of a strong section of intelligent voters throwing in their lot on the National Prohibition issue, so as to concentrate public opinion, and give the masses a shock, in order that, before another election comes round, the licensing trade may have an opportunity of improving the system, and so save New Zealand from falling into national bankruptcy by being made subservient to wowser rule. New Zealand has now received the shock and it will doubtless galvanise the people to action.

It is a very significant fact that as soon as the figures on the licensing questions were declared Mr. Arthur Myers, one of the recognised heads of the “Trade,” very clearly expressed the brewers’ willingness to have their side of the trade placed under State control or some other modified form of control that would enable the public to improve the system, without going to the suicidal extreme of making New Zealand “dry.” This is a clear indication that the “Trade” is far more sincere in its wish to serve the public well and save the credit of the country, than is the “Wowser Company, Limited,” and the whole teetotal crowd put together.

Iflie rarest of common things is commonsense.

Some things are too bad to be untrue.

Even if a woman is sorry she married a man she finds consolation in the belief that she kept some other woman from getting him.