THE COPRA BUG.

New Zealand Illustrated Magazine, Volume VIII, Issue 6, 1 September 1903, Page 408

THE COPRA BUG.

§" COPRA bug " is a biped about the size of a large ape, he is a very amusing fellow when he likes ; but when he does not like — beware ! He is a born cheat, and has a great fLtajl capacity for imbibing. I \ { f^ Strange to say, as a ruio, y " Copra bugs " do not get on together unless a case of hollands has just been landed from the trading schooner. When it is finished, they hate each other worse than ever. " Copra bugs,'' of course, wear clothes, generally a pair of khaki trousers, a single 1:, and a pair of scales slung over their backs with a dirty piece, of rope. Their evening costume ia usually four yards of print with the usual singlet, shirts are luxuries known only when a schooner comes in. Pull dress is a suit of pyjamas. The " copra bug " generally takes, for better or worse, a native woman, and soon has a numerous family, for " copra bugs " are very prolific. <To analyse his brain would astonish a psychologist. To begin with, it is small, and copra and gin are written in large letters in the centre, his liver is abnormal, and he has a stomach like an ostrich, which, marvellous to relate, is coated with a wonderful seagreen enamel, like the cave of Vavau. " The cause ? " you ask— drinking kava, the native beverage. In addition, he generally has either a swollen leg or arm, the result of elephantiasis. But for all this he is a happy creature, he is not rich, but he knows not poverty, the

lagoon in front of his house is lull of fish, and there is fruit galore at the back, lucky man.

Do not imagine for a moment that " copra bugs " are beacbcombers ! That would hurt their feelings terribly ; for, of course, they have feelings. A " copra bug/ is, strange to say, often of good family, and has, perhaps, had a college education. How he got to such an outlandish place, he hardly knows himself, possibly from reading Robinson Crusoe, and other books of adventure. Or, he may have " left his country for his country's good." However, as he still has feelings, we will not venture to probe them. The missionaries are the " copra bugs' " worst enemies, they naturally turn in horror from their evil ways. But a " copra bug " has no soul to save.

They earn their living by keeping trade in boxes, which they exchange with natives for dry cocoanut or copra, from this they derive their name of "copra bug." Some of them get on so well that they leave the outlying islands, and start as copra merchants in Fiji and other large islands ; they buy a, schooner, and then delight to be termed " Copra Kings/ English " copra bugs " prefer to stay on the island where they first started, and send their children to the Colonies to be educated. Dutch " copra bugs " are much more bumptious and overbearing ; as soon as they become Copra Kings, they consider themselves up-to-date society gentlemen, with plenty of oil on their almost bald sandy heads, and quarts of

Sonderburg beer in their stomachs, and shining- red faces, calculated to throw a tropical sunset completely into the shade. They take their frisky, chocolate-coloured, wives and families to the large islands to enjoy the society of Europeans. A.nd the poor " copra bugs," who have not done so well, whip the cat, and console themselves with the strains of a melancholy accordion and a case of especially imported firewater. Two " copra bugs " of our island saved enough to take a trip to

Levuka in the three monthly schooner, the eldest " bug " had just taken unto . himself a wife of middle age, so he decided to take her away from the island to teach her the way white, people dress. Mick, the Fenian, sniffed fun in the air, also many free " sprees/ so he proposed to- go- with them. " Just to keep things humming, d'ye see V he observed. Old Fred, the bridegroom, a regular old sea-lawyer, agreed promptly. " Right you are, old man/ he

replied, " we'll give the poor old. woman a proper old spree for once in 'er life/ " Lets 'aye a nip on the strength of it, cookie." " Eh, Nua, v cried Fred, " get a bottle of gin out of that there case, and look sharp ! " Then turning to Mick, he continued, " As I was saying, the poor old woman won't see Fiji again in a 'urry, so we'll make things 'urn." " Talk my language, skinned head !" was the bride's polite retort, as she gave her lord and master's

long grey beard a tug, and quickly made her exit, to inform her eager friends that Fred and Mickie were very drunk.

In due time they reached Levuka, but not before they had drunk the ship dry of everything, bar kava, which they looked down on with supreme contempt, now they were in the land of gin and rum. The vessel had no sooner touched the shore, than Old Fred and the Fenian, to keep up their good names, did a scoot up the wharf to the hotel, the

bride hobbling along at their heels as fast as a sore foot would allow. After free drinks all round, sundry old chums returning the compliment, Fred drew himself up, and said : " Say, Mick, as 1 was saying, the poor old creature won't see this city in a 'urry again, so let's tog 'er out.' 3 " Right ye are," replied the Fenian. So they marched Nua off, a willing; victim, ibo the : most expensive shop on the beach. " Gosh \" said the Fenian, when

relating the incident afterwards, " if we didn't just tog 'er out !. My eye, ye should ha' seen 'er ! "

She chose a yellow silk robe, which her husband promptly put on her. They were just leaving the shop when the Fenian reminded Fred that his bride's brown feet did not suit the robe, and that they had forgotten corsets. The young Gorman who was serving them asked politely what size she took.

" D'ye mean to say ye don't know the size of a lady's waist, and ye serving in the ladies' depaut-

ment, ye grinning son of a sea cook ? " growled Fred. " 'Bout fifty-two inches/ whispered the Fenian. Now came the tug-of-war, Nua did not understand this treatment, and no wonder. But the Fenian was all there, equal to any emergency. " Heave in there, mate,' he cried, and between them they managed to squeeze Nua into them. She declared they were trying to kill her, and struck out right and left. "Ye must be a lady, to-day, old girl, it's yer first introduction into

society/ was the husband's conciliatory reply.

Then it struck them that they had also forgotten a hat.

" That there cocked-up thing, will suit J er old mug," said Fred, pointing to a gorgeous blue and ,red hat with a bunch of green feathers in it.

There were still those offending bare feet to be attended to.

" Eh, man, look alive, stockings and shoes."

A pair of. bright-red stockings were chosen, and the bride sat down on a chair to have them pulled on.

•" Bust me, if they ain't longer than the old woman's body ! '"' cried Fred. " Never mind, that's correct,*' says the Fenian. " I'll keep the chair on its feet, and you 'cave." Old Fred did heave, and over went tjbe chair on the Fenian's toes, bride and all, which brought forth "copra bug " blessings in profusion. At last the " togging out " was completed, and Fred paid the bill without a murmur. The Fenian, with a wicked twinkle in his eyes, " shouted " his friend's 'bride a magenta parasol, and they left the shop. " I feel' dry after that work," said Old Fred, as he slipt round a corner, arid left his bride in her many coloured raiment with the Fenian. " If that's not right down mean, to leave me with this bid show box ! " cried the latter, hurrying

after him, followed by Nua, strutting awkwardly along, like a cat on walnut shells. They had not gone far before he heard a meek voice say, " Wait, my feet do hiirt." The patter had ceased, and looking round, he saw Mrs. Fred sitting on an empty gin case taking her shoos off. Then, with a sigh of relief, (she trotted by the Fenian. He met many acquaintances who hailed him with, " Well, Mick, brought yer old woman over this trip."

"No blooming fear ! SWs: old Fred's judy, just been togging 'er out/ was the grim reply..

At last he managed to leave her with some of her own count ty women. Then, after a week's giorious " spree/ in which they' carefully got rid of all their available cash, they returned to their island with very sore heads, sadder, poorer, but certainly not wiser men.