Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLIX, Issue 4, 22 January 1913, Page 72

Our Funny Page

P#S ”So you want to marry my daughter. Are you in a position to support a family?” Suitor: "Er—bow many of you are there?”

r “Miss Bolde,” said the shy student to ftlie fair one on the other side of the sofa, ,-®if I were to throw you a kiss, what JWtmld you say ?” “I’d sav you’re the laziest man I ever met."

‘ "Congratulations, old man. I hear ■)ou have been speculating successfully.” "No; I lost money.” "Well, you ought to know better than to gamble.”

“ Thia is the third time you have been here for food,” said the woman at the kitehen door to the tramp. “Are you always out of work ?” “Yes’m,” replied the itinerant. “ I guess I was born under a lucky star.”

" Doesn’t your choir sing at the prison any more ?” “ No, several of the prisoners objected on the ground that it wasn’t included in their sentences.”

"When does your husband find time to do all his reading?” “Usually when I want to tell him something important.”

"So the appendix is useless, then, doctor ? We could live without iit ?” “ Well, the patients, perhaps, but not the surgeons.”

MORE HEART TROUBLES. Ida says her beau is over bashful, and has not kissed her, although there have been opportunities. "Why not tell the young man, Ida, that you are hoarse, and cannot scream no matter what happens? Mrs. Proudnian: “Our Willy got meritorious (commendation at school last ■week.” Mrs. O’Bull: “Well, well! Ain’t it awful, the number of strange diseases that’s ketched by school children?” Boggs.—“l heard a lecturer say last night that we would all live to see the day when a woman will be Speaker of the House. Do you believe that?” Henpeek.—“l know of one woman that is, already.”

Baker—ln five years you won't see a horse on the street. Wayburn—Yes; they V'ould be safer on the sidewalks.

“ They turned the X-rays on my brain at the hospital, but found nothing.” “What did they expect ?”

Mrs. Benham—Do you remember that I gave you no decided answer the first time you proposed ? Benham—l remember that you suspended sentence.

The Porter: “Have yon lost something, sir?” "Sandy: ‘’Aye. aye, but it's naethin’—only the threepenny bit o* siller ’a was aboot tae give ye for varryin' ma bag!”

THatrlct Attorney; 1.. the lady on y .nr left jmt selected as a juror, related to you Mr Jonex? % . ’‘Yes, sir. slie's my wife *’ "WouM she be »pt t<» influence yuiir op u ion in deciding on the tucrita v£ this easel” Judge: That is a fouMnb question. Mr. Jones, you are excused.

STUDY IN EXPRESSION. Meeting between boyhood chums—one of whom has since acquired money.

The Husbaudette; Madam, you said you attended a political meeting last night: How do you accouut for this photograph of a horrid chorus bov which I tind in vour clothes?

Clergy woman: Wilt thou love, cherish and vote as thy wife dictates I "i will.”