Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLIX, Issue 4, 22 January 1913, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

A Lesson in Diplomacy. HEN the King of Prussia and //I tbe Em P eror met at Nei " e IJI jL they once happened to come together to the bottom of a flight of stairs, and neither would go up first and take precedence of the other. They stood, and bowed, and scraped, and complimented, and each politely wished to give way to the other. At last the King of Prussia got behind the Emperor and pushed him forward. “Ho! Ho!” said the Emperor. “If you begin to manoeuvre with me I must unavoidably go where you please!” and walked up first. ❖ s><s> How Could She ! A bright spirit of earlier days, Charley MeKeand, an advocate ready for any emergency, dropped into court too late one day to read the depositions, and found himself faced with the duty of defending a woman for stealing a pair of boots. He burst into a moving harangue, and said he would read the very words of her defence on arrest, since they bore “the stamp of conscious innocence.” He seized the depositions, and went on: "Ha! here we are. Oh, ,h’m!” He faltered a little when he saw them. "Well, gentlemen, this uneducated woman does not put it as you or 1 would put it, bv6 f said I would read 'her words and I will. What she says is : 1 How the hell could I have the > boots when he was wearing them?’ And, gentlemen,” continued MeKeand in n concluding burst of eloquence, “ I ask you some confidence, how Ute hell ‘ could site 1” •" “ ' '

Quite Safe. Dr. Boyd Carpenter was ito perform the ceremony at a very smart wedding in a London church. As usual, a great crowd of people stood about the doors and lined up on either side of the strip of red carpet. Magnificent carriages and moter-oars rolled up and disgorged the splendidly dressed guests, but at the end of a long string of fine equipages came a deplorable ramshackle old fourwheeler. It drew up gloomily opposite the strip of red carpet. A couple of policemen dashed at the cabby. " Here hi ! ” they shouted. “ You can’t stop here! The bishop’s just coining!” The old cabman regarded them with a scornful eye. “ Keep yer ’air on ! I’ve got the hold buffer inside ! ” And Dr. Carpenter opened the door and stepped out. ❖ <s><s> A More Settled Residence* A well-known London magistrate, once had a crazy street-preacher before him, charged with obstructing the thoroughfare. He saw that he was a harmless imbecile, and, being a kind-hearted man, did not feel like punishing him, so ho said: “Of course we can't have thoroughfares obstructed in this way; but if you can give me the name of a friend who will be your surety that there will be no recurrence of this nuisance, I’ll discharge you.” “I have no friend,” said the man, “save the Lord.” "Quite so,” said old Newton; “but I mean a friend who is a householder in London.” “The Lord,” said the man, ‘is everywhere.” "Certainly, certainly,” said' Newton, as he took a fresh pinch of snuff and twisted up his brow; “but I must trouble you for a surety of —well, of what I might call a more settled

For Emergencies. In some of the college settlements there are penny savings banks for children. One Saturday a small boy arrived with an important air and withdrew two cents from hits account. Monday morning he promptly returned the money. "So you didn’t spend your two cents,” observed the worker in charge. "Oh, no,” lie replied, “but a fellow just likes to have a little cash on hand over Sunday.”

Experience. A wolf and a fox and a lion having banded themselves together snared a goat and a stag and a hare. And the lion said to the wolf. “Divide these amongst us.” The wolf said, "The goat is for thee, the stag is for mo, and the hare i» for the fox," and when the lion heard these wor<% ho became wroth and leaped upon the wolf and choked him. Then he tratd to the fox, "Do thou divide

the spoil.” And the fox said to the him, "The goat is for thy breakfast, the hare for thy lunch, and the stag for thy supper”; and the -lion said to him, “Whence hast thou learned to make such an equitable division?” The fox replied, "From the wolf which Heth before thee, O my lord rhe king.” The Swallow's Home. The teacher in natural history had received more or levs satisfactory replies to her questions, and finally she asked: "'What lititle boy can tell me where the home of the swallow is?” Long silence, then a hand waved. “Well. Bobbie, where is it?” “The home of the swallow,” declared Bobbie, seriously, “is* *in the stummick.’ Capacious Commandments. "A hit-tie girl at our morning service yesterday, knelt beside her mother while the commandments were being read. When the rector read: ‘On these two commandments bang all of the law and the prophets,' the little girl whispered: “ ‘Mamma, bow many— —’ “‘Sh!’ hissed her mamma. “'But mamma, how many prophets are there?” “ ‘Why. Isaiah. Jeremiah, Hubbakuk Jonah, Haggai. Malachi, Zephaniah, dearie. 1 can't think of all of them without looking them up. but I fancy there must have been about twenty.’ ” "‘Twenty? And they hanged 'em all on two commandments?’” <s> An Inspiring Experience. A kvdy who must, certainly have been related to the late Mrs. Partington, recently returned from a seventy day tour of Europe To her friends she said with enthusiasm .that Of ail the wonderful things that she bad seen and heard, she believed Urn thing she enjoyed most of all whs hearing the French pheasant auig the mayonnaise.