Curing a Chinaman.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVIII, Issue 7, 14 August 1912, Page 58

Curing a Chinaman.

A CHEMISTS OMISSION. ffbl-You-Kow and Hi-Duck-Low were, as their labels confirmed, worshippers of Confucius. They also cultivated a goodly section of arid territory adjacent to Stumpenstone, a remote Western town. The succulent turnip and humble carrot grew to maturity under their diligent observation. Other nondescript compatriots assisted them for a meagre monetary consideration to establish an oasis .in the sun-baked environment. Haw-See. a business-like Celestial, owing to his oratorial excellence in the prevailing language, tilled tire position of vendor. He manipulated an aged equine and eart with its vegetable cargo along the highways and lanes of the rural village, and a diplomat was he when bargaining with the bneolie housewife. And it eame to pass that on the evening of a cold winter’s day he fell a victim to the influenza epidemic. Great concern was exhibited by his employers when he relinquished his position on the cart and adopted the bag stretcher which did duty for a bed. (Johanna grease and considerable friction was applied to Iris thorax. A contribution of erows’ galls was internally administered. Finally they despatched a feline, and adding a can of boiled gum leaves to the carcase furnished him with an excellent poultice guaranteed to relieve his dyspnoea. If

the latter failed to induce facile respiration, it caused no hindrance to the invalid’s ability' to articulate profanely in two languages. On the second day, noting no improvement in Haw See’s condition, Shi-You-Kow directed one of the confraternity; to proceed into the town and furnish a statement to the chemist and receive from him something of a medicinal nature. An hour later the pharmacy was invaded by a Mongolian, who launched into staccato verbosity what time his rueful visage presaged the importance of his mission. He woefully explained that Haw See was very ill and needed a mixture to make him well again. Inquiry elicited the information that he experienced much pain and couldn’t work with the eart. Without demur the druggist concerted a large bottle of dark looking physic, and telling his customer to administer it in two doses, received half-a-erown in small change as the alien departed in haste. Later in the day, whilst seated at Inneh, the chemist’s attention was directed to a commotion in the shop, and entering to investigate he confronted his former client in attendance with an associate. They heralded a bewildering complaint. "Haw See welly baah. Close up die. After derlink um melisin’ eye clo’ up welly ti‘. ’n’ he cloak likee flog. You no eo;me quick like welly goo’ man we eatchpe polieyman, you sabee?” Gradually the situation dawned upon the dispenser, and after packing a. few necessary articles in his bag ho set forth with his informants, lie arrived after a period of furious travelling at the plantation, and was conducted to a bark hut within which a. coterie of yellow men were holding an indignation meeting. Upon a corner bunk sprawled, one of the company’, who, with contorted visage and hands firmly pressed across his abdomen, eyed the ceiling with the malicious glare of a harassed simian. Noting the chemist’s arrival, he sprang to-his feet and rushed from the habitation. Presumably he feared a recurrence of.the potion which he had previously imbibed. Brandishing a hoe-—which he wielded with masterly ability for an invalid —Jus awaited the advance of the opposition-: Hi-Duek-Low explained to him with eruptive phraseology the sincerity of the visitor’s intentions, but his overtures were met with a snarl and the eold beady eye of mistrust. His colleagues swore individually and in concert. They caper-ed-and jabbered, and were regardless of the young cabbage putting forth its tender sprouts in the immediate foreground. Then as one man they rushed upon ths insurgent and brought him to earth. In the resultant disorder several of the storming party sustained entieular abrasions, and a promising plot of rhubarb was put to waste under the indiscriminate tread of the blueher. Over powered, and whilst under restraint hei was subjected to an emetic, and having propitiated the chief agriculturist by separating him from an unsound molar, the prescription expert farewelled the congregation. Next morning as the chemist compounded a draught for the village constable, who had arrived with an outside headache, he waxed eloquent. “I say, McGinnis, you want to put •some of those green-growers to the education test. The way 1 got chatted yesterday. finds room for an interpreter. Thought their horse was sad with internal discomfort, and corked down a reliable drench. One of the Pats let iti trespass behind his palate and nearly got hit over to the Coroner. For the days due to arrive I’ve got a C.I.D. optie for, foreign callers. If they don’t bring the label of their health builder in straight English I’m passing along liquorice water at a rate ripe enough to make my pocket tear away from its moorings.”