Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVIII, Issue 2, 10 July 1912, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

grave, gay, epigrammatic and otherwise.

Very Busy. EORD Haldane’s remark that Scotsmen did not sit easily on horseback reminds one of a story told of the Earl of Elgin when he was Viceroy of India. He was not a good horseman, and he was always rather uheasy and flustered when riding. One day when he was riding near Simla and devoting hie attention to keeping his seat, an aide-de-camp came galloping up with some important news. He told his Excellency what he had come about, but the earl rode on without replying. The aide-de-camp rode alongside, and, after a few minutes, thinking his message had not been heard, he repeated it in a rather louder tone. The earl turned upon him indignantly. “Great Scott, man!” he exclaimed. “Don’t you see I’m busy riding! Don’t interrupt me!” :! \-/ s><s><» True to His Trade. An actor bad the misfortune to fall off a ferry-boat at night. Of course there was great confusion on board. The searchlight, which is carried on American ferry-boat*-, was turned round and round in an effort to find the man. He came up for the (.bird, time just as the light struck him, and from force of habit the actor raised himself and delivered a most ceremonious bow. Then the rescuers grabbed him. <£■ <?> <?> Two Conversationists. “Nothing lost here but the squeal,” declared the pork-packer. “Are you as economical in conducting your business!” "Jpst about,” answered the visitor. "I’m -in the timber, business. We waste nothing but the bark.”

Something Original. A man wished to have something original on his wife’s headstone and hit upon “Lord, she was Thine.” He had hie own ideas of the size of the letters and the space between words, and gave instructions to the stonemason. The latter carried them out all right, except he could not get in the “e” in Thine.

The Real Teat. “He drinks heavily? “I know it.” J "He gambles.” “I am going to marry him to- reform him.”

"My girl, listen to mo. Try one experiment before you do that.” “What experiment?” “Take in a week’s washing to do, and see how you like it.”

Something Original. Mary met Emily oh tlie street. They had not seen each other for many years. "Why, how do you do!” exclaimed Mary effusively, topping off the salutation with a few vague pecks at Emily’s faee. “Now, this is delightful,” said Emily, who was older than Mary. "You haven’t seen me for eleven years, and yet you knew me at once. I couldn't have changed so dreadfully in all that time. It flatters me.” Said Mary: “1 recognised your bonnet.” Sherlock Holmes. A funeral cortege was passing down Mile End Road, London. There was a long string of mourning coaches, and the

icarse was loaded with splendid wreaths. A passer by turned to a coster pushing a barrow. "Who’s dead?” he asked. "I dtinno,” was the thoughtful reply; “but I reckon it's the bloke under them wreaths.” 4> ♦ ♦ Choate Nearly Won a Convert. Joseph H. Choate was onee associated in a law case in New York with a young Hebrew attorney, who, when the case

had been won, felt uncertain as to what fee he should charge for his services. He decided to ask the advice of the senior counsel, Mr. Choate. "That's all right, my boy,” said Choate, kindly; “i’ll attend to it. I am about to send in my bill, and I will justdouble the amount and send you a cheque for your half.” In a few days the young Hebrew received a cheque, which was ten tlines as big as the amount he had thought would be due him. He immediately wrote to Mr. Choate and expressed his delight and gratitude, and in a postscript he added this: "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian.” <s><s>«• .Bad Shot. "Miss Popinjay!” he cried She froze. “Arabella!” he whispered Rhe melted. He kissed her hand. She withdrew it hastily, and gazed reproachfully upon him. ■He raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t think it of you,” she said, almost tearfully. “I had always considered you a young man with ideals, ami ” “I—l am sorry,” lie stammered, "if I have offended. ■ I ” “Well,” she said, bitterly, "I certainly expected you to aim higher." Whereupon he took heart, and the liint. Better Than Drowning. Two Germans were walking uno cob. •lay on the banks of a large pond, alien one of them fell in. He could not swim, and screamed for aid. The other, who was an officer, did not feel inclined fo take so cold a plunge, and calmly watched the struggles of the sinking man. All at onee the man in the water began A verse of the “Marseillaise,” ami the officer jumped in forthwith, for his strict, orders were to arrest any person whonj he heard sing that famous song. Thf unfortunate citizen was imprisoned for eight months, but Vliat was better than drowning.