Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVII, Issue 26, 26 June 1912, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Legislature Ethics. GTT CERTAIN saloon-keeper years y | ago was elected to the legislature of an American State at a time when there was important legislature pending. He accepted £2OO .for his vote on a certain measure. The deal was hardly closed when the opposition came round, offering him £4OO. The temptation was strong, but the iptf member shook his head. "No gentleman as is a gentleman, ’ he said, "will sell out twieet on wan proposition ” ■i> <•> » If George had been Twins. The lad had a face bright and sunny and a pair of blue eyes like a girl’s, and lie had just put an end to the earthly existence of a tine ripe banana in a manner remarkable for its neatness and despatch. then he looked up at “daddy” an I smiled the inquiring smile which meant trouble for the old man. "Dad,” he said softlv, “supposing I’d l--n twins.” Dad shuddered; but it is necessary to dissemble sometimes. “'yell, Georgie,” he said, “supposing?” "Ypft’d have bought the other boy a banana, too, wouldn’t you? Fact, I don’t ,up e bow you could have got out of it.” “1 should certainly have bought the other boy, as you call him, a banana,” said dad austerely. (1 ."ell, dad,” said the dear little fellow, you surely ain't goin* to cheat me out of a banana ’eos I’m all in one piece, «ro you?”

A groan came from somewhere, but Georgie was neatly despatching another banana pretty soon.

Am Agnostic. Jones had just run over to see if Mr. and Mrs. Blank would go to the theatre with them. Mrs. Blank was sorry, but, unfortunately, Blank was out. Probably he was at the club. She would telephone. The following conversation ensued: — “Halloa! Ie this the (Tub? Is my

husband there? Halloa! Not there? Sure? Well, all right then; but hold on. How do you know? I haven’t even told my name.” "There ain’t nobody’s husband here —■ never,” was the wise attendant’s reply. <3> <S> -S> Referred to Dr. Wiley. "Somebody’s been trying to stump Dr. Wiley, I see,” said Hanks, "by asking for a definition of hash.”

"That oughtn’t to stump said Blithers. "Hash is nothing frat ft recurrence at a subsequent meal of the conglomerate remnants of a previous repast.”

Try This On Yonr Friends. Jones and Smith met in the street yesterday and got talking. "I was on the top of a tram the other day,” said Jones, "pulling quietly at my cigar, when suddenly a lady sitting near me snatched it from mjy mouth and threw it away. " ‘You’ve no right to smoke on a tramcar,’ she cried. ‘lt’s not allowed.’ ” "Well, what did you do?” inquired Smith. "I was rather taken aback, but in a minute I grasped the poodle she was carrying in her lap and dropped it overboard. “ ‘You’ve no right to have dogs on a •tramear,’ 1 said; ‘it’s not allowed.’ “She glared, and then wo both looked over into the road, and there was Cue poodle running along by the side of the tram, and what do you think it had in its mouth?” •The aigar?” "No,” said Jone's; "it's tongue.'* Heady Legislation. The Chinese prototype of the American Anti-trust Law is beautifully brief and simple. It contains but four paragraphs, which are as follows: — "Those who deal with merchants uufviirly are to be beheaded. “Those who interrupt commerce are to be beheaded. “Those who attempt to close the markets are to lie beheaded. ‘“Those who maintain the prosperity of commerce are to be rewarded.” Au Unlucky Heiress. An heiress married a foreigner who was, she understood, a count; but it turned out that he was only a waiter. When she discovered his true station, rhe reproached the man bitterly. "I knew I wasn’t getting wealth with you,” she said, "but I thought I was getting family.” “>So you are getting family, my dean-,” her husband replied; and, with a naaty laugh,' he opened a door and reveide I nix little children. "Nee, all these #re ours. 1 forgot to tell you 1 wa»> a Widower.” . 1