Our Funny page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVII, Issue 21, 22 May 1912, Page 72

Our Funny page

JUDGING FROM THE PAST. Mother: 1 f you’re very good, Edith. I’ll take you to the circus. Little. Girl: Do you really mean it mother, or is it just a promise?

“Who's the author of that novel you are reading?” ’“There’s no name given.” “Due to modesty. I suppose?” “No; fear, I should dall it.”

ALSO WITH GLOVES. Assistant Editor: Here’s a farmer writes to us asking how to treat sick bees. Editor: Tell him he’d better treat them with respect.

“Cy” Warman, the poet and humorist, tells the story of an after-dinner speaker who was called on to speak on “The Antiquity of the Microbe.” He arose and said, “Adam had 'em,” and then sat down.

THE SPECIALIST AND THE IGNORANT. It has always been my opinion, since I first possessed such a thing as an opinion, that the man who knows only one subject is next tiresome to the man who knows no subject.—The Holly Tree.

MATERNAL PRIDE. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, but it cannot be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues —faith and hope. Nicholas Nickleby.

the height of his ambition. ART AND SCIENCE. “What a beautiful picture of an angel!” said the lady who was visiting the art gallery. “Yes,” replied the aviation enthusiast; “but between you and me, those wings aren’t practical.” SOMETHING THAT WAS WORSE. A friend once wrote Mark Twain a letter saying that he was in very bad health, and concluding: “Is there anything worse than having toothache and earache at the same time?” Twain wrote back: “Yes, rheumatism and Saint Vitus’s dance.” Night was coming on, and the storm was increasing, and some of the deck fittings had already been swept overboard, when the captain decided to send up a distress signal. The rocket was already lit and about to ascend, when a solemn-faced passenger stepped up. “Cap’n,” said he, “I'd be the last man on earth to cast a damper on any man’s patriotism; but it seems to me this here’s no time for celebratin’ an’ settin’ off of fireworks.”

WHAT’S BRED IN THE BONE. Real estate operator: Did you accept young Richleigh when he proposed last night? • laughter: We didn’t close the deal, but I took an option on the property.