Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVII, Issue 5, 31 January 1912, Page 72

Our Funny Page

TOUGH LIKE. A HINT. * *hey had reached the outer pontals of the front door, and were there going •through the process of parting, very lingeringly. “When I say good-night to yon this 'evening,” gurgled Mr Youngslow, “do you .think lit would be proper for me to place one reverent kiss upon your fair ihand?” “W ell,” she sighed softly, as she laid her head quietly on. his shoulder, “I should consider' it decidedly out of fdace.” PATERNAL GOODNESS. "I cannot understand,” wrote the cob iege boy, “Why you call yourself a kind father. For three weeks I've had no •Cheque from you. Pray, what sort of kindness do yon call tliat?” And the father wrote back: “Unremitting kindness.”

BILL'S WAY. ” WcIgWMW?: “ I s’pose your Bills ItlTfig the ’arp with the angels now?” Long-suffering Widow: “Not ’im. >lttin’ Mie hangels wiv the 'arp’s nearer *h mark!”

REVENGE. Like the taVa from a cratei Came the gravy on his pate, For he failed to tip the waiter, \So the waiter tipped the plate.

“Cook, did you stay long in your last place?” “I never stays nowhere long enough to be discharged. I'm one of these here fireless cookers.”

HIS CONDITION. "In straightened circumstances, Is he not?” "Yes. He confesses that it is about all he can do to keep the wotf out of the garage.”

COMPEN SATION. Customer.—Waiter ? This is an a%jurdly small steak you’ve given me. Waiter. —Yes, sir, but it’ll take a Wonderful long time to eat, sir.

GRATEFUL. A very young playwright, whose maiden effort had been recently produced with more or less success, was seated next to Mark Twain at dinner one evening. During a lull in the conversation he adjusted his monocle and leaned toward the humorist. “Oh-h, I passed your house this morning,” he drawled. “Thank you,” replied Mark Twain quietly; “thank you very much.” IN A WORD. "What is your occupation?” the justice asked the coloured witness. “Jedge,” he replied, “aint you gittin’ jest a leetle too pussonal? Have I got to give my livin’ away before this here hon’able court?” “You heard the question,” said the judge, “and you must answer it. What do you do for a living?” “Well, sir, I’ll jest make bold to enlighten you —sence you seem to need it. In the summer, when I aiut a-fishin’. I'm pro-j-hesyin’ weather, an’ when the weather don’t fall right I’m either a-killin’ of (alligators an’ a-sellin’ of rattle-snake buttons, or attendin’ campaign barbecues an’ votin’ around.”

POLITICS, 1911. “Does your wife want a vote?" “She wants two.” replied Mr. Meefeton; “mine and hers.”

HE DID It He: “If I should kiss you, what would happen?” .She: “I should call father." He: “Then I won’t do it.” She: “But father’s in Europe.”

HE DID. ©elTTan meditated. “He didn’t notice when I did my h.rV a new way,” she cried, “but I'll bet ho will notice when I do his.”

AN D THEN IT GOT AWAY. THE LATEST LIE FROM THE FISH ING BANKS.